Recent Happenings No. 6

So, time for another "Recent Happenings" post. One of those posts full of random little things and events that are too small to each get their own, but which I'd like to remember.

Last Wednesday, after months of talking about wanting to do it, we (Mom, Trissy, and I) finally made muffins and took them by the UPS store where Archer works in the 'big town' about 45 minutes north of us. He always loved our muffins whenever we'd take them to the Thursday night college Bible study, and it would be an excuse to get to see him again (Trissy and I had only seen him once since he left in January, and Mom had not seen him at all). He was on the job, so we only got about 5 minutes to stand and talk, but we'd told him we were coming, and he had been looking forward to it and was expecting us.

Friday, Abigail, Piper, and Joy came over to the house for the afternoon. We'd invited Lela too, but she had somewhere else she already had to be and couldn't come this time. That was disappointing, but we had fun with the other three! We made headbands using t-shirt scraps and these instructions I found on Pinterest, then we made bread and, while it was in the oven, went for a walk in the woods and played with our two kittens, "Murphy" and "Fin".

When the bread came out, we had hot PB and J sandwiches with home-made jam and played a partial game of Skip-Bo until it was time for me to take them back to meet their folks in town. It was a very nice afternoon, and hopefully we can do it again before four months have passed! The last time we had Joy and Lela over (we'd invited Abigail and Piper, but they couldn't come that time) was in February.

While the girls were at the house and we were working on our headbands, of course we talked alot about hand-made crafts in general. Somehow the wooden pig cutting boards that Bro. S. makes came into the conversation. I'd heard about them before - he uses one of his grandfather's cutting boards as a pattern (his mother has the original from 48 years ago), and makes them for the 'hope chests' of girls in his family. When Piper first was telling me the story, I told her to be sure and tell him that if he ever started making them to sell, that I wanted one. Friday when it came back up, I mentioned again that I wanted one if he ever sold them.
Well, Sunday morning as Trissy and I walked down the street beside the church building, headed to the gym building for Sunday School, the S. family's van pulled up beside us on their way to Sunday School. Bro. S. leaned out the window and called good morning to us, then said, 'Oh, I think we have something for y'all.' and held out a pig cutting board! I felt like one very special young person!
That evening when I tried to pay him for it, he wouldn't let me.

We had a Fifth Sunday/Fourth of July church picnic Sunday evening at the local reservoir/lake. It was such a nice time! We reserved one of the pavillions near the swimming area, and everybody took lawn chairs and food to share, and someone hooked up a couple of ice cream freezers to their truck battery and made home-made ice cream! "Doc" (one of the men of the church who's a doctor) had his boat, and took little bunches of the young people tubing on the lake. Someone thought to take the church's portable volleyball net, and there were volleyball and softball games going on sporadically throughout the evening. They'd also taken several folding tables and chairs and these were set up under the trees near the pavillion. It was just a great time of fellowship and being together.

I had a wonderful time, and even got a bonus - getting to cross two things off of my Bucket List: 1) Jump into a pool or lake with every-day clothes on, and 2) Ride a motorcycle.
After we'd all eaten, Ava, Trissy, Piper, Joy, Abigail and I walked down to the lake because Doc was going to take them out tubing again. Neither Trissy nor I had thought to take swim outfits, so we weren't going to get in the water, but we could ride in the boat. Neither one of us had ever been tubing or even seen it done, and it was alot of fun racing across the water with the wind whipping our faces and the four girls bumping along behind us. Only Joy seemed confident (her grandparents have a house by a lake in a near-by state, and they go there alot, so she has been tubing many times); the other three were just hanging on and trying not to fly off when Doc would swing into a curve. But they all fell off at least once, except Abigail, who somehow managed to keep her grip. A couple of times when Doc slowed down and went back to pick up someone who'd fallen off, he asked if we wanted to try it. The girls had been trying to talk us into it since we first went down to the water. But since we only had our regular clothes, we'd declined each time. I just didn't want to have to spend the rest of the evening up at the pavillion looking like a 'drowned rat', as Mom would say. But I really really was hating to miss it! Eventually, Doc said we'd be going in in about ten minutes. Joy had fallen off fairly close to shore and when we went back to pick her up, Law was swimming out. Ava, Piper, and Abigail were tired and decided to get in the boat, but Law and Joy were going to ride the last few minutes. Doc could tell I really wanted to try it and offered again, and the girls were encouraging me to just do it. My spirit of adventure was up, and I was beginning to be afraid that if I didn't take the opportunity, I'd always kindof regret it. When Trissy, with her sensibility and strong sense of propriety and decorum, seemed to think it was alright and urged me to go ahead, that made up my mind. I handed Trissy my glasses, kicked off my flip-flops into the bottom of the boat, Ava gave me the life jacket she'd had on, and I jumped in! The water was warm and comfortable. Half-way to the 'float', I realized I still had my watch on, so I hastily pulled it off and struggled back to hand it up to Trissy. My only discomfort was embarassment at my slowness and lack of elegant swimming skills (I can stay afloat, and painstakingly make my way from one point to another, but I'm no pro, and certainly not very graceful).
Law and Joy showed me how to hoist myself up and where to hang on, and after checking to make sure we were ready, Doc started off. It was deliciously fun, and I managed to not fall off! On my first time too! And when the time was up and we went back to shore, it actually didn't take a very long time for my clothes to dry, at least somewhat.

And then later, one of the men of the church (the same man who drove the bus and cooked for us on our mission trip to Chicago last month) was giving rides on his motorcycle, and I got to do that too!
So that's two items crossed off my Bucket List in one day :) , just a fun 'bonus' added to the blessing of the already-greatly-enjoyable evening with my church family and friends.

Mom's really beginning to get anxious about getting Trissy's and my dresses made for Toby and Lindy's wedding. It's only about a month and a week away, and we needed to get them started, but Mom still had some questions about the pattern. So, she asked Lindy to come over Tuesday evening to talk about details. And after all that was settled, Lindy just stayed for a while to visit. She hadn't been to the house in quite a while, and even though we see her at church all the time, she's just one of those friends that is easy to want to share life with. We went outside in the back yard so she could see our two kittens (Lindy loves kittens), and we just sat in the grass, getting to do alot of catching up and just talking about life. It was so nice.

{Zig-zags courtesy of Jones Design Company}

Being A Servant When It's Not 'Fun'

Today marks one month since The Grandmother fell. Thankfully, she did not break any bones, but she did get pretty bruised up, and was in such pain that she had to stay in her easy-chair for about the first two-and-a-half weeks. Before she fell, she and The Grandfather did quite well living on their own. The Grandfather is handicapped, due to his feet being frozen in World War II, and almost completely dependent. The Grandmother was quite spry and able to care for both of them, with periodical help throughout any given week. But since she's been "out of commission", they have both been completely dependent, and the four of us (Dad, Mom, Trissy, and me) have pretty much been living here with them for the past four weeks.

It has been wonderful to get to spend time together, with great opportunities to help and serve. But, I must admit, it has been very difficult at times. I think I have come to respect my parents during this time, perhaps more than at any other time in my life. For one thing, I'm older and can understand implications that I could not when I was younger and life just 'happened', without me considering all that it takes to make the world go 'round! For another thing, the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words" is so, so true. I have seen my parents demonstrate selflessness, love, patience, respect, service, and humility toward my Grandparents consistently through these past few weeks. There have been many unpleasant tasks that had to be done, late hours that had to be kept. Meals are 'involved', requiring consideration for specialized servings and preparation. Mornings are an ordeal, getting each one prepared for the day, and evenings are even more difficult, reversing the process, plus other things that must be done to prepare for the night. Little tasks that healthy people don't even think about, from getting dressed and brushing teeth, to eating solid foods and moving from one room to the next, are major undertakings. But Dad and Mom have done it all, without complaining. I did not say, without weariness, without struggle. But neither one of them have wished out loud that they didn't have to do some difficult task, have snapped back at an impatient moment, or have acted like they were feeling sorry for themselves or that they thought others should be feeling sorry for them. Sweet Trissy has been the same way. Their example has really been a challenge to me when I've felt like sighing, snapping, or feeling sorry for myself.

Often, in the last couple of weeks especially, I have just wanted to go back to our house again – to clean my room, to work in the yard, to get into some craft projects, to get back our routine, for things to get ‘back to normal’.

But what bothers me most, is that I am able to stay calm and even gracious during hectic times at work, or how I look forward to service and ministry opportunities on church trips or work days, but I have such a hard time keeping a cheerful spirit when it comes to serving my own family. That's not right, but I don't know exactly what to do about it - it's just one of the difficult 'facts about me' that I deal with. I'm praying the Lord will show me how to reconcile the two, and then help me implement the answer.

I keep reminding myself of the principles in the Bible, that being a servant is the most glorified position in Scripture, that 'giving' is more blessed than 'receiving', and that whoever would be first, must first be last. But, humanly speaking, it's still difficult.

A dear friend said about a year ago to someone else, in my presence, "Kyrie's like the Energizer Bunny - could go on all day." Another dear friend used me as an example, only about a month ago, of how a Christian should be - someone who's cheerful and smiling, and I heard about it.
Several times in the last few days/weeks, those two things have been what's kept me going. The thought of 'letting down' those two precious people, in a way, even though they wouldn't find out, spurred me on and gave me determination to not give in to the impatience, drudgery, or exhaustion. Or being bone-tired and remembering those comments, and thinking, "But I'm not, I'm not - I'm weak!", and asking the Lord to help me live up to what they think of me.

And today, I was so irritated, just wanting to get outside in the fresh air and sunshine for a little while, thinking, 'I'm worn out; I am absolutely physically exhausted.' Suddenly this verse blew into my thoughts like a fresh breeze:

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." Ps. 73:26

The point remains, being a servant isn't always 'fun'. It's not always glamorous. There aren't always going to be friends to goof off with to make the time pass while sharing the work. There won't always be an 'audience', even a small one, to bestow a pat on the back and say, "You're doing such a great job!" Being a servant isn't always 'fun'; but it's right.

Thank You, Lord.

Note: Uncle Alvin's were down for a visit, and Jaylyn, Jewel, their oldest sister's oldest son, Trissy, and I all got to spend the afternoon outside, working in the garden, playing a little basketball, petting our new kittens, bicycle riding, and playing "Cranium" in The Grandparents' front yard. It was wonderful!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

After church this evening, I walked across the street to the gym to find Ava. She and Austin were supposed to be cooking for our college meal tonight, but I'd gotten a message from Henley saying it was canceled. I just wanted to check with Ava and see if they'd already made something, and if we were going to have it anyway.

As I crossed the street from the church building to the gym building, my 'brown-eyed boy' was walking across also from farther up, headed to where his car was parked beside the gym building. Our triangle converged near his car, and after exchanging greetings, I asked him if he'd had a good time at our small town's yearly Old Days celebration. By this time he'd reached his car and I was almost to the gym door - the one with the new keypad lock on it. He stood at the driver's side door looking puzzled a minute, then exclaimed, 'Oh yeah! You were there! I was trying to think how you knew about it.'
I smiled.
He said it'd been okay; he worked the booth for the local gym because several of the employees that were supposed to run it couldn't be there. I ask him if they'd paid him and he said they had. I grinned, 'Well, that's something then!'
'Oh yeah, sure!', he agreed heartily.
I turned and punched in the code and opened the door. 'Yeah, and when did that happen? I feel like I've been sort of out of it with stuff around here.' He nodded towards the keypad on the door, leaving his car and following me into the gym.
'A couple of weeks ago,' I answered. We walked together across the big basketball court, dodging third-graders rip-sticking and playing basketball now that their class was out.
'I don't feel like I've been here in so long. I mean, I've been up there,' he motioned with his head back towards the church building, 'but not over here.'
'Have they been working you alot on Wednesday nights?' I asked sympathetically. I didn't want to seem like I was fussing at him for not being there - but I wanted him to know we'd missed him.
'Yeah,' he shook his head slightly and watched the floor as he walked. 'Alot of other people had already asked for Wednesday nights off.' His head came up, he straightened his shoulders, and his voice took on a determined note. 'But I told them I was not working on Sundays!'
I grinned. 'Good for you!' I exclaimed, proud of him, knowing how hard life is right now for him, wanting so much for Good to win the struggle, and thankful that he seemingly desires to do what's right.

We reached the classroom that contains the stairwell that leads up to the youth room. Ava, Joy, and Piper were coming out, and Ava and I met in the doorway. Joy and Piper came on through and into the gym, and out the nearest outside door. My 'brown-eyed boy' continued on into the room when I stopped to talk to Ava, then soon excused himself as he passed between us back out the door, back into the gym and, I assume, out of the gym and into his car and left. I didn't really notice it until later, when I was thinking over the day, and realized he must have come into the gym building at all only because I was talking to him. And when I started talking to Ava, he left. I hope he didn't feel like I was rude to him!
Poor dear boy. All my poor dear boys! And girls! The world is such a horrible place for a Christian teenager to try to grow up in! Like flowers trying to grow in the desert. Oh the struggles, even if there are kind gardeners who tend and water the fragile plants! And if there are none... it's that much more difficult. Only the fact that their God controls the weather allows these flowers to survive, grow, and even, Lord willing, flourish in this hostile place.

Ava had gotten Henley's message about supper being canceled before she started cooking for it, so we would just go ahead and call it off completely.
We stood and chatted for a few minutes. She and Austin had gone up to go to church with Archer this morning. She said it was different - more geared to the college-age population that dominates that college town. She said it was nice and she enjoyed the service, but the way she carefully chose her wording, and her politely positive tone, made me think maybe she hadn't thought it was quite as amazing as Archer seems to feel like it is. Sweet, considerate Ava!
Switching 'gears', the youth class is starting a small-group discipleship-type study using Francis Chan's book, "Multiply" as their curriculum on Sunday nights. Tonight was the first week, and Ava is a small-group leader. She really seemed excited about that; she said Piper and Joy are the two girls in her group!

After talking with Ava, I went on out the gym door, and Piper and Abigail were standing under the over-hang, waiting, I suppose, for Law to come downstairs to take them home. I stopped to talk to them a few minutes, and sweet Piper threw her arms around me impulsively. There are different kinds of hugs. It is not uncommon for Piper and me to give each other what I mentally call 'greeting hugs' - when you meet a friend, and you're like, "Oh hey so-and-so!" and you give them a friendly hug. But there's also what I call a 'speechless hug' - where your heart is so full, and you want the person to know that you care about them and love them, but you don't know what to say. So you hug them, tight, without saying anything, and don't hurry to let go. Now, this is just my 'take' on hugs, but I theorize that it's probably similar for other people too. And if that's the case, Piper gave me a 'speechless hug' then, though I didn't really think about it until later. But she's not really a 'huggy' person, and I wonder what she had on her heart to make her give me one like that.
We stood and chatted for a few more minutes until Law came down and they loaded up in Law's Explorer.

Julia and Toby's cousin (who is here visiting for a few days) came down about the same time, and I talked to them a minute. Autumn had surgery on her wrist this past week, and wasn't there. She and Julia are best friends and I asked Julia how she was. That led to a brainstorm on Julia and Toby's cousin's part, to go visit Autumn and surprise her. Toby's cousin went with them on the mission trip to Nicaragua last year, and she and Julia and Autumn became great friends. Autumn didn't know she was here.

I left them plotting on how they were going to surprise Autumn, and headed down the sidewalk that goes beside the gym, walking back up to the church building. The S. kids hadn't pulled out yet, and I waved at them as I walked past. Abigail and Law waved back from the front seats.

I walked back up to the church building feeling a mixture of emotions. Concern, happiness, curiosity, and contentment.

A Day Of Grace

After my awful day of struggle yesterday, it felt like the Lord gave me a day of grace today. He let me get all (well, probably not all, but alot!) of my crying and frustration out, and now He spent this day telling me what I needed to hear and know about many of the questions I struggled with yesterday.

The first of three or four main things was the chapter I read in my personal Bible study time. I was ready to read 2 Corinthians 5 yesterday, but (confession is good for the soul they say, whoever 'they' are. But they are right...) I got busy and didn't ever read it. So I read it this morning. It talks about faith in the Lord's plans, love for fellow-men, and the overwhelming desire of every Christian to be ultimately free of this wicked sorrowful world and this hard life - the desire for the hastening of the time when all the believers in Christ will be gathered together in Heaven with Him, "when joy is here to stay":

"For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked.
For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life.
Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit.
Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord:
(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)
We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.
For we commend not ourselves again unto you, but give you occasion to glory on our behalf, that ye may have somewhat to answer them which glory in appearance, and not in heart.
For whether we be beside ourselves, it is to God: or whether we be sober, it is for your cause.
For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:
And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.
For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him."

Next was the chapter we read in our family devotional time after breakfast, 1 Thessalonians 3, that speaks of friendship, separation, suffering, and being a blessing one to another:

"Wherefore when we could no longer forbear, we thought it good to be left at Athens alone;
And sent Timotheus, our brother, and minister of God, and our fellowlabourer in the gospel of Christ, to establish you, and to comfort you concerning your faith:
That no man should be moved by these afflictions: for yourselves know that we are appointed thereunto.
For verily, when we were with you, we told you before that we should suffer tribulation; even as it came to pass, and ye know.
For this cause, when I could no longer forbear, I sent to know your faith, lest by some means the tempter have tempted you, and our labour be in vain.
But now when Timotheus came from you unto us, and brought us good tidings of your faith and charity, and that ye have good remembrance of us always, desiring greatly to see us, as we also to see you:
Therefore, brethren, we were comforted over you in all our affliction and distress by your faith:
For now we live, if ye stand fast in the Lord.
For what thanks can we render to God again for you, for all the joy wherewith we joy for your sakes before our God;
Night and day praying exceedingly that we might see your face, and might perfect that which is lacking in your faith?
Now God himself and our Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ, direct our way unto you.
And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you:
To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all his saints."

Throughout the morning, memories kept coming to mind. I helped Dad plant potatoes, and the weather reminded me alot of our 30 Hour Famine last year. I listened to the Christian radio station on my mp3 player as we had lunch, and many of the songs I heard were ones our music group had learned and/or played at the week-end camp we played for ("10,000 Reasons/Bless the Lord" and "Great I Am" really stood out). But, though thinking of those memories was a little sad, my feelings were mostly pleasant ones - my system seemed primarily to be gleaning the wonder and excitement of those times, and mostly filtering out my sadness at their being over.

Then later I came across this article from the Desiring God website. I'd seen a link to this blog post a day or so ago, and saved the window open because I didn't have time to read it right then. This afternoon I did. Perfect timing:

"How Christians Prepare for Suffering
by Johathan Parnell

The apostle Paul suffered. Did he ever.

He was imprisoned. He was beaten, often near death. He took 195 total lashes from his Jewish kinsmen on five occasions. He took three pummels with rods. He was once stoned — and then also shipwrecked three times. Then there are the endless dangers of travel in the first century, plus countless other experiences mentioned and unmentioned in the New Testament (2 Corinthians 11:21–33).

It doesn’t take long until we wonder how in the world he did it. How did he take so much pain? So much loss? How did he prepare for suffering?

The answer is in Philippians 3:7–8.

Counting Everything As Loss

In the 1992 sermon 'Called to Suffer and Rejoice: That We Might Gain Christ,' John Piper unfolds the significance of Paul counting his gain as loss. Basically, the apostle took a long look at his life apart from Christ. All the things that he valued — his Jewish pedigree, his place in the upper echelon of religious society, his law-keeping — he took a long look at this list and wrote 'LOSS' over it with a giant Sharpie.

And then we went a step further.

It wasn’t just the past values of his personal life. It wasn’t just 'whatever gain he had.' Paul looks out into the future and declares everything as loss. Everything out there that could pass as positive. Everything good that he has yet to experience and everything which he will never experience. Compared to Jesus, everything is loss.

This Is Normal Christianity

And lest we think this puts Paul on a pious pedestal, that he is at a spiritual level we’d never reach, Piper reminds us that this sort of reckoning is normal Christianity (Matthew 13:44; Luke 14:33). To consider Jesus better than everything else in the world is at the heart of what it means to be a Christian.

It may be worth reading that last sentence a couple more times, until it feels uncomfortable. Many of us are so quick to console our hearts when the least bit of unsettling winds blow through. But what about conviction? It’s a good thing not to be comfortable with a watered-down Christianity foreign to the Bible. It’s not works-righteousness to say that saving faith in Jesus means we have to really love him. It’s works-righteousness to think that our really loving him is the reason we’re saved. Paul said that everything is loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus. Paul said that and so should we.

Jesus Is Better

And that’s how Paul prepared for suffering. He saw Jesus as superior to everything else. Piper lays it out this way:

Suffering is nothing more than the taking away of bad things or good things that the world offers for our enjoyment — reputation, esteem among peers, job, money, spouse, sexual life, children, friends, health, strength, sight, hearing, success, etc. When these things are taken away (by force or by circumstance or by choice), we suffer. But if we have followed Paul and the teaching of Jesus and have already counted them as loss for the surpassing value of gaining Christ, then we are prepared to suffer.

This means that if we treasure Jesus, then every aspect of suffering in our lives is losing something we have already declared as loss.

If when you become a Christian you write a big red “LOSS” across all the things in the world except Christ, then when Christ calls you to forfeit some of those things, it is not strange or unexpected. The pain and the sorrow may be great. The tears may be many, as they were for Jesus in Gethsemane. But we will be prepared. We will know that the value of Christ surpasses all the things the world can offer and that in losing them we gain more of Christ.

Loving Him Today

None of us knows the sorrows that may meet us tomorrow and are sure to meet us if Jesus tarries. We don’t know what hardships God will call us to walk through. But even though we don’t know them, we can prepare for them. And the way we prepare for afflictions then is by gaining Jesus now.

It will not minimize the pain. Not at all. But we will know, even in the darkest night, that Jesus is our God and all, that he is our Rock and treasure, that he is enough.

The way we suit up for our sufferings tomorrow is by cultivating our love for Jesus today."

Much of what was contained in that article I already knew, and tried to communicate to myself yesterday. But there were also things I had not thought about. It was just what I needed.

I continued to feel more and more at peace throughout the day, like the Lord was enabling the release - of my sadness and of my friend - that I had so desperately sought for yesterday.
Finally, this evening I was thinking on these things as I showered and got ready (we had a discipleship/church planting 'seminar' of sorts at the church) and it almost seemed like the Lord asked me this question:

"So, if you never see him again, in your life here on earth, would you be okay with that?" And I felt pretty sure I could say, "Yes. It would be hard, but yes."
Then - almost immediately - it was like a different, wicked little voice taunted, "So... you wouldn't miss him?" Scornfully I replied, "Yeah I'd miss him!! That wasn't the question! The question was, 'If it was the Lord's will for me to never see Archer again before Heaven, would I be able to surrender to that?' And yes, I think I could. At this moment. Now, admittedly, I might not be able to say that later, even as soon as tomorrow! But right now, I think I can peacefully say, 'Yes.'"

God help me. I hope I will get to see him again, but if not, may God help me 'keep letting go' and leave him in the hands of our Lord.

I suppose my greatest anxiety/disappointment in this is that he hasn't seemed to miss us all that much. He's been back twice, that I know of, since he left two months ago. Once was for a get-together for our college group one Friday evening at Justice and Noel's place, a couple of weeks after he left. Trissy and I didn't go because we felt we had sortof promised The Grandparents we'd spend the evening with them, and we wouldn't go back on our word. We didn't find out until afterwards that Archer had been there, but we'd wondered if he would be - it would figure that we'd miss him. Landon was down visiting and was there too, so we missed both of them. Another time, he came after morning church services for Sunday dinner with his family, and went back to the church he's going to up there, before evening services. He's always just done his own thing like that, but I would have thought he'd miss us a little more. Our college group was so close. I know he loved us. He was especially close to Justice and Noel, but I don't think he's seen them more than once since that Friday night at their house.
It just hurts kindof, to think that he could so easily trade those years and all those memories together for this new life with this new college and new church. Probably that disappointment was what influenced my dream from yesterday.

But, that too, is something I must let go of and put in God's hands.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Edit: As I wrote this post, I asked Trissy what was the chapter we'd read in family devotional time this morning. She told me the chapter, but also said, 'I noticed chapter two, verse seventeen too. That's a good one.' I looked it up:
"But we, brethren, being taken from you for a short time in presence, not in heart, endeavoured the more abundantly to see your face with great desire." (1 Thessalonians 2:17)
Wow :) .

A Day Of Struggle

Last night I dreamed about him. About Archer. I dreamed we were finally going to get to go see him, except he wasn't in our little ol' local 'big city', he was in some real 'big city' somewhere, and a bunch of us from the youth group were going to take a church bus to go see him get an award for something-or-other at this black-tie, formal-dress occasion.
We found seats out in the huge, dimly-lit auditorium and watched a handful of uninteresting people walk across the bright stage with red velvet curtains behind them. Finally, the emcee called the name we waited for. We sat up straighter in our seats, and here he came. Tall and slim, wearing a black tuxedo, the black TOMS he'd worn as a groomsman in Austin and Ava's wedding, and that winning smile. We cheered as he graciously accepted his award, then craned our necks for a glimpse of that face as all the award-receivers lined up in the front, to the side of the stage, for pictures. We were as starving people, thirsty for a refreshing look, desperate for a few words with our friend.

Soon, but not soon enough for us, it was over, and the auditorium emptied. The crowds in their glittering gowns and nice suits filed calmly into the evening toward the elaborate gardens, where lavish refreshments were spread on tables and terraces sloping gracefully down to a view of the river. We took places on one terrace, trying to be patient as we waited anxiously for him to join us.
Minutes passed, then an hour, and still he didn't come. He hadn't actually said he'd come join us, but he'd known we were coming to see him... Surely he'd be here soon.
Finally someone went to find out. 'Oh, no,' was the answer, 'He was with a group from First Baptist (the church he goes to in the city where he's attending the university) and they left already.'

I saw the hearts of our whole group sink, but for myself, mine was crushed. Had he forgotten that quickly? Had he so easily traded us for others? Were we nothing more to him?
I sat on the low rock wall surrounding the terrace, unconscious that my nice clothes were getting scuffed, as I listlessly gazed out on the shimmering water. The moonlight danced on the little ripples and the black silhouettes of the tree branches spidered delicately across the sparkling, star-studded sky. But it meant nothing. I turned and looked at the sad faces of my companions, sitting stunned and silent, and saw a reflection of my own sorrow in their eyes. But I saw something else in theirs that mine did not match. They were accepting, resolute, ready to get up and start the long drive back without further weeping or protest. I turned for one last look at the water, and we left.

~

Why am I having such a hard time giving it to Him?!
It's been so hard, first, when Archer was going to be leaving; but that was still months away. I could push the thoughts back.
Then, he was going to be leaving soon, and no more would our music group and Tuesday night practices be the same; but he would be only an hour away, and at least we would still (I thought) have him back on Sundays.
But that comfort was shattered to bits, practically 'on stage' at the week-end youth retreat our music group played for.
Then, the Strength To Stand conference will be 'one last good-bye' with the youth group. But that last Sunday morning before we played, he told us he wasn't going to be able to get off work. So no STS.
But he practically promised a visit within two weeks. He kept his promise, but Trissy and I kept one of ours too, and we missed him.
My 'last comfort' was that Julia would be going to the same college in the fall, and maybe things would spark again between them and the Lord would answer that prayer and dream and wish of mine for these two dear friends.
Tuesday night at practice, Julia told us that she's about 95% sure the Lord's directing her to a college about 4 hours away - so... she probably won't be going to the one where he is.

Why can't I trust my God?! Why can't I trust Him?! Time after time He has proven Himself trustworthy! Time after time He has worked things out for the good of us who are His. Why can't I just seem to let this go? I even keep dreaming about him - I can't get peace from my sadness and worry, even in my sleep. It's as if something in me won't let go of it, even though the rest of me is struggling desperately to give it up and to move on. I know the Lord will work it out (as always, it's just so hard to 'wait and see' how) - why can't I give it up to Him? Maybe it's because I don't want to forget. I don't want the lessons and times and memories to die when a friend leaves.
I don't want to forget; but isn't there some way I could remember the memories and surrender the pain?!

Sunday, Mar. 3, 2013

I miss Archer. It's just that simple. I miss him alot.
Every Sunday I think it will be okay, that all the other wonderful people the Lord has blessed me with at Victory Rd. will fill my heart and thoughts.
I try not to talk about it much. I don't want people to misunderstand and get the wrong idea about how I feel about him. But my college friends at Victory Rd. are like family to me - almost literally. I've never had such a large set of close, wonderful friends my own age like I have had the past four years in this group. I've always wished I had more brothers and sisters, especially brothers, and especially brothers my age, or older. This group has done much to fill that void. I love all the guys. Each one holds a special unique place in my heart. But Archer and Austin are different somehow. I don't love them more than I love the others, but I love them differently. I feel toward them like I always imagined I'd feel towards my real brother if I had one. Of all the guys, these two are closest to being my 'brothers'.
So, I miss my brother. It's similar to how I felt 2009-2010 when Austin was gone on that almost-a-year-long mission trip to a country hostile to the Gospel. But, he was gone on a mission trip, which made it more bearable. And the plan was for him to be back in a few months. We e-mailed him back and forth all the time. And we Skyped him nearly every Sunday morning before church. When he came back, things fell back into the old comfortable familiarity, and life felt 'right' again.
Archer's just gone.

This morning was really good and really hard, both. Austin played acoustic guitar for the music service, and it was bringing back memories of the couple of months last year (or was it the year before?) when he was playing acoustic and Archer played bass. But no one could ever hear the bass, and Archer wouldn't turn it up or play louder, so finally Bro. Dennis recruited Law to play bass, put Archer on acoustic, and Austin on electric. Perfect. Bro. Dennis even said, 'Why haven't we done this before?'
But then those thoughts also brought back the pain of the fact that Bro. Dennis isn't the music minister anymore. And one of the songs we sang this morning was one Mrs. Renae always sang so wonderfully. I was in the choir of course, and it was so hard to get through that one.
And after church I heard someone discussing the progress of the fix-up work on the house Bro. Mike's family lived in, in preparation for Bro. Nick and Lydia and their family to move in.

Victory Rd.'s face is changing. Trent, one of the younger boys in the youth group, plays acoustic guitar with us on Wednesday nights in Archer's place. He's a nice kid, and a talented guitarist. Bro. Nick's family is settling in and becoming a part of us. In preparation for moving on to wherever the Lord will have him and Noel go, Justice stepped down as teacher of our college Sunday School class, it was put on hold until a new teacher could be found, and the members have scattered into other classes for the time being. In fact, our first Sunday to go to different classes was Bro. Mike's family's and Archer's last one at Victory Rd (Jan. 13).

So my little corner of the world at Victory Rd. now looks very different from what it did a year ago - that time being a sample of what I consider some of the best, most wonderful, and most 'growing' times of my life.
And gradually, I think I'm painfully getting used to it. But it almost seems like getting used to an amputation. I've never had an amputation, and I in no way pretend to understand that actual, physical type of pain. Yet, I almost feel like I've gone through something similar. I keep functioning, but parts of my life are gone. The scar is healing over, but there are blank empty spots where vital parts used to be, and sometimes I find myself cruelly and suddenly re-awakened to the fact that they aren't there anymore. Like that song Mrs. Renae used to sing. It was so unexpected, and I nearly lost control of my emotions, right there in the choir in front of everybody. Or seeing Austin playing his heart out and looking over, and there being only an empty space of carpet where Archer used to stand and do the same. Or asking Bro. Dennis a question and, in his answer, realizing I hadn't heard his voice speaking directly to me in literally months, when I used to be the constant brunt of his good-natured wit and jokes. Or hearing someone say something mildly critical of Bro. Mike's family, and thinking how unfair and inconsiderate it was.

And yet life moves on anyway, and there are good things happening too.
1) Aron's cousin's husband recently realized he feels like the Lord is leading him to preach, and Bro. Earl had him preach the morning sermon today. He spoke on leadership, the Old-Testament transition from Elijah to Elisha, and did very well for his first sermon!
2) Law is constantly surprising me with how he is growing in his Christian walk. It's almost as if, around the first of the year, a switch was flipped, and since then it's been slow, steady, constant progress. Watching his attitude and peace and growth has been the single greatest encouragement to me during these recent hard times of change. Oh how I praise the Lord! I think I understand a little of how the apostle John felt when he wrote, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4) Oh how thankful! Oh how thankful I am!!
3) There are four babies being added to the church in the fall, three of them coming to families among our college group. Aron and Henley, Aron's cousin and her husband, and Justice and Noel. Praise the Lord!
4) My JV kids on Wednesday nights are such a blessing. Some are just silly and don't seem to care really. Yet I'm glad they are at church instead of off getting into mischief. Many of them though, truly seem to desire to learn and grow more. As time has come along, my thought of, "What am I doing here?!" at the first of the school year when the class started, has changed to, "These kids have so much potential - Lord, help me help them!" The questions they ask, the things they remember, their searching longing, and the discussions we have during small-group time, and Ava and Ashlyn's support as my 'assistant group leaders' have been such blessings.
5) I'm enjoying my Wednesday-afternoon weekly discipleship sessions with Joy so much. She is such a sweet girl with so much potential. We've only had three so far (we missed one week since we started), but I have great hopes for the future. How I pray that the Lord would use these times to grow us both!
6) Tuesday night music practices are again one of the highlights of my week. No, Archer is not there anymore, but the others still are, and the young man who has taken his place is willing, talented, good-natured, and brings his own unique 'flavor' to the group. I try not to think of him as 'Archer's replacement' (just as I try not to think of Bro. Nick's family as 'Bro. Mike's family's replacement'), but as himself. When I do that, I really enjoy the new dynamics. The way some of the other members of the group have pulled together, stepped up, taken up the slack, and bravely kept on and not given up has been such a blessing and encouragement. Things threatened to fall apart there for a couple of weeks - I mean, Archer was our leader! - but various members have shifted responsibilities so they could take a little of his, we've 'kept our chin up', so to speak, and I think we're settling in to a 'new normal'.
7) And all the dear people who have not left. My merciful heavenly Friend has seen fit to leave to me so many of my precious earthly friends. Justice and Noel are still here, for the time being - they feel the Lord may soon be directing them to a different place of service. Austin and Ava are still here, for the time being - Austin is seeking a full-time music ministry position. Toby and Lindy are still here, for the time being - after their wedding this summer, they will probably end up as missionaries in a Latin country; a mutual love for missions and Spanish-speaking people are probably their biggest passions. Aron and Henley and little Timothy are still here. Aron's cousin and her family. Autumn, Julia and her parents, Law, Abigail, Piper, and Bro. and Mrs. S., Nicole and her husband and parents and little brother, Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen, my 'brown-eyed boy', Simon, Joy, and their parents, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and little Maxwell, and so many others.

"There will always be someone..."

~

Sunday night edit: So, at our Sunday night college supper after church, Justice told us that he and Noel are going to be sticking around for a while. The Sunday School class is going to start up again, and he's going to teach it. He (and Noel said the same thing later) said that it just seems like the Lord keeps closing doors that they thought they might be supposed to go through, and so they'll just stay on here until they feel they have a clear calling to go somewhere else. They're planning to buy a house, and he's planning on finishing up school.
So, we get to keep them a little longer.
Wow. Oh how thankful I am! My Lord is so merciful!

After everyone else had left (the supper was held in the church's fellowship hall this week), it was just Aron and Henley, Toby and Lindy, and Trissy and me left, and we had a good conversation standing, 'on our way out the door', for about half an hour. We talked about the difficulties of trying to sell hand-made crafts in this area, mission trip preparations, concern over Randy, who seems to be going through a strange rough spell, missing Bro. Dennis teaching our college Sunday School class, gladness that Justice is planning to start it back up again, missing Bro. Mike, etc.

It had been Trissy's and my turn to cook, and as we were all getting ready to leave, Aron told Trissy he would take our big tote basket full of food and dishes out to my car for us. I already had it, but must have missed his offer - I'd just remembered we needed to turn off the lights before we left - and hurriedly swung back around to go flip the switch in the hallway. Aron grabbed my jacket sleeve to slow me down as Trissy called to get my attention. As I laughingly handed the big basket over, Aron grinned and said, "Kyrie, you have two speeds: 'fast' and 'wide open'!"

I love my friends so much! It was a hard day, but the Lord blessed me with this nice evening - I'm so thankful for His kindness.

Recent Happenings No. 4

Randomness. Mmhmm, that's me. Squirrel!
This post is the past month in a nutshell. More detailed posts on each event will (hopefully; eventually) come. But until I get time ("time"? What is that again?) to do the type of more detailed posts I want, this will suffice to keep anyone interested at least somewhat up-to-date on my life of late. And boy, it's seemed like a lifetime in a month...


January began with a bang and never seemed to slow down. The sixth through the tenth, Trissy and I were gone on a church mission/service trip to a neighboring state, to do manual labor at a children's home and ranch. Victory Rd. took a group last January, and we went, and I knew I wanted to go back. The group this year consisted of the three youngest S. kids (Law, Abigail, and Piper), Joy, Autumn, Trissy and me, and four other men and women of the church. Landon met us there for part of the time, and it was so good to spend some time with him! Oliver and his wife were on a trip, so we didn't see them this time.
We helped rip up flooring in two of the houses/doorms, we moved furniture and other belongings - from the houses that were going to be renovated, into the new houses - we did a thorough 'spring cleaning' job, etc. But there was relaxing time also, in the early mornings, on breaks, and in the evenings at the cabin. Pumpkin spice muffins, Mtn. Dew, endless games of "Egyptian Rat Race" and "Taboo" (with our own adjusted rules to fit our mood and number of players :) ), times of S.O.A.P. journaling and sharing, and lots of just talking and enjoying each other's company.
It was the first trip without Bro. Mike. And it was different.
Randomness and other lessons to remember from this trip:
1. Overhearing the 'Only-Christian-music-for-30-days-challenge' discussion on the Sunday afternoon ride over - what a blessing!
2. Games with Trissy, Joy, Abigail, and Piper, and Abigail and Piper doing "John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-Smith" (song and 'introduction') on the trip over.
3. Epic Taboo games Monday night, including a sibling-set against sibling-set (Law and Piper vs. Trissy and me), with the others coming and going.
4. Personal thought, "I hate it when I let other people throw me into inner turmoil. Christ is all that matters. Why can’t I be content?!"
5. "I feel like pulling stuff up and stomping on things." -Piper, expressing her enthusiasm about our demolition work Tuesday.
6. Going to church Wednesday night where Landon attends. Encouraging, old-fashioned sermon where the preacher used alot of scripture and didn't apologize about having his audience use their Bibles so much.
7. Personal thought, "You haven't got to follow the crowd. Make up your OWN mind."
8. Personal thought, "That great moment when God shows you how He's been working in the life of someone you've been praying for - indescribable."
9. Joy, Abigail, Piper, Trissy and me and our late-night hilarious game of Taboo while Joy was giving hair-curls.
10. "Look at that lil' baby foot!" -Law, on Autumn's fist 'footprint' in the condensation on the bus window.
11. Sitting curled up on the couch in front of the fire with Piper and Trissy and Joy, telling each other random things and stories about ourselves.
12. The "I'm Thinking Of A Man/Woman/Place In The Bible" game on the way back Thursday.


After getting back into town Thursday evening from the mission trip, I left about noon Friday going with the youth music group to a near-by state to play for a week-end camp sponsored by the church The Grandparents are part of. Justice went as our driver, since he was on the insurance to drive Victory Rd.'s 15-passenger bus, and simply because anything Austin and Archer are part of just isn't complete without Justice :) . Justice, Archer, Julia, Simon and I went on the bus, pulling the trailer with all the instruments and equipment about noon. Austin and Law couldn't get off work until about 3:00, so they were going to come together when they got off. Ava and Noel went also, since their husbands were going :) , but Ava didn't get off work until later in the evening, so Noel stayed in town and rode with her so she wouldn't be driving alone.

It was a really great week-end. Opportunities to share times of praise with other believers, encourage those listening, and be encouraged ourselves by the warmth and enthusiasm of our audience. Times of bonding - the eight of us. Bitter-sweet times - knowing this was Archer's last 'act of leadership' as head of the group, knowing Justice and Noel are looking for the Lord's next place of service for them and may be moving on soon as well. Times of fun - pretend 'zombie' invasions and escapes, music practice and practice and practice, 'the girls' (Noel and Ava) hunting up a gas station to sooth the boys' Mtn. Dew withdrawals and my longing for something healthy to eat, Simon and Law's (and Justice's) bunk-room acrobatics during free time while the rest of us tried to catch up on some much-needed rest, supper at 'Maria's' Mexican restaurant (that took longer to be served than to eat) and mean jokes (meant more to tease me and raise my protest than anything else) on the way back Saturday night. Precious, priceless, blessed memories.


The next day, Sunday, was Bro. Mike and his family's last Sunday at Victory Rd. before leaving as missionaries to the Philippines, and he'd asked that our group do the music service so he could see and hear us one last time. It would actually be the whole church's last time to witness our group lead the music - Archer would be moving the next day to the university. Dear Austin's charge to us as we gathered to pray before the service began: "Let's play our hearts out. This is for Bro. Mike and for Archer." And we did. For our God - Who is our Reason for everything - for our youth pastor - who had poured his spirit into loving and guiding us - and for our friend - our brother.

I don't think I'll ever forget this weekend. One of the most bitter-sweet of my life. I pray I won't.


The next Wednesday night was my turn to teach the lesson with the middle-schoolers. And Bro. Mike's family's last day here. Lots of church folks hung around after the classes were over, exchanging last-minute conversations and telling them good-bye. Trissy and I went next door to their house and visited a while after everyone else had left. They would be going to the airport about 2:00 A.M., so were not planning on going to bed, and it was just so hard to finally say good-bye. I wouldn't let myself think about it being any other than a normal Wednesday night 'bye until after we left.
Separations are hard, but I'm thankful too - I know both Bro. Mike and his wife have been wanting to do mission work, and now the Lord has opened up the way for them to, and for Camille to go with them. That's a whole nother amazing story!
I'm looking forward to hearing about the adventures this new chapter holds for their lives.


Friday (the 18th), two days later, Victory Rd.'s youth group (including Trissy and me) went to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee for the Strength To Stand week-end youth conference. I must admit, by this time I was so tired both in body and in mind that I almost didn't want to go. I had looked forward to it for months, but then found out that several of our college group and closest friends (not to mention Bro. Mike) weren't going to get to go. And with all the good-byes I'd been having to say the past few weeks, I almost had a "What's the point?" mentality. Which is not like me. I don't 'give up', and I hate defeat. I'm telling you, I was just worn out. And it was catching up with me. But then a thought came to mind: Why was I going on this trip in the first place? Was it because I wanted to be close to people, or because I wanted to grow closer to the Lord? Got my attention and kinda helped put things in perspective. Then the day we left, I saw something that one of the teenagers had written concerning their feelings about the trip: 'About to head out to Tennessee... don't want to go. But, I might as well go with an open heart.' I don't know why they didn't want to go, but what a great attitude! I was so encouraged, and resolved to go with my heart open to what the Lord might do in and for me on the trip.
I was not disappointed. In fact, I fell in love all over again with the pure goodness of God. Three sound, timely sermons from thought-provoking preachers; music - some of which I didn't care for - but plenty that lifted me up and carried me away with it's beauty and spiritual richness; fun and joking and camaraderie I enjoyed with a variety of the members of the group; Bro. Nick, the new youth pastor, bravely and successfully learning to captain the 'youth group ship' through the unpredictable waves of our crazy personalities; wholesome mixture of friendships and interaction between older youth and younger youth, adults and youth, newcomers and established 'regulars', etc.; merry chaos as the sounds and activities of almost 40 people filled the cabin we stayed in, and peaceful quiet (in which you could hear the clock ticking on the mantle) as those same nearly 40 people spent personal time in Bible study and prayer.


So, that's January in a nutshell. I have one more thing to tell about that would still be "this past month", though it was yesterday, the 3rd of February. But it's late and I'm in the living room typing and my mom will be up in a few minutes wondering why on earth I'm not in bed yet :) . So I'll save it for later. I'll end with a small thing that provoked big thoughts for me today.


I'm reading Jules Verne's "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea" for the first time. With my love of adventure and reading, especially the good old 'classics', you'd think I'd have read that one by now. But I recently 'discovered' the little library at VRCA and have started taking advantage of it. I just finished chapter 20 - "The Gulf Stream" - and the account of the cyclone. As I put the book down, I thought about "storms", both physical and spiritual. At times, I've found myself subconsciously wishing I could know how my strength would hold up during a real storm. One must be careful what one wishes for, even subconsciously. This past summer (the pain of Mrs. Renae's family leaving Victory Rd. and the withdrawal, so to speak, of Bro. Dennis's family), and this past month (the departure of Bro. Mike's family and of Archer, and the possibility of Justice and Noel, and Austin and Ava moving on also) seemed almost to have been samples - tests of strength the Lord allowed to give me an idea; to try my courage. I was/have been appalled at my lack of resilience in the face of these losses. If it hadn't been for the presence and encouragement of others, would I have held up at all? All these thoughts passed through my head in only a moment, but as I asked this last question, immediately in response came a quiet Whisper in my heart, "Don't worry about that 'what if'. There will always be someone...something. I will never leave you alone." And right away a verse came to mind from Psalm 34 that I'd randomly read this morning: "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all."

SOLI DEO GLORIA!

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 68

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: Ps. 111:1-4

2. Hearing: Austin's Charge

3. Smell: Campground Cafeteria

4. Taste: Taco Soup

5. Touch: Hug From Bro. Mike

The stories behind the list:

1. At work at the restaurant Friday, during a slow bit I pulled out my New Testament. I don't remember why I was reading this particular chapter, but I remember these first four verses seemed to sing out at me.

"Praise ye the Lord. I will praise the Lord with my whole heart, in the assembly of the upright, and in the congregation.

The works of the Lord are great, sought out of all them that have pleasure therein.

His work is honourable and glorious: and His righteousness endureth for ever.

He hath made His wonderful works to be remembered: the Lord is gracious and full of compassion."

2. "Let's play our hearts out. This is for Bro. Mike and for Archer."
Go to this post for more of this story's details.

3. I'm so thankful for my sense of smell. As I've grown up, I've realized that it's responsible for probably half of my memories. I'll catch a whiff of some unknown scent, and instantly it will take me back to a time, place, person, or memory of my past. I hadn't even noticed the smell then, but it was stored in my memory and the association remains.
During this past week-end retreat where Victory Rd.'s youth music group played (for more of the story, see this post), we stayed at a campground that I'd been to more than a decade ago for church camp. When I stepped into that cafeteria building Friday evening, my first thought was, "It smells just the same." And I breathed deep.

4. I love. Love. LOVE taco soup. Wednesday night at church they had it for supper - hot and delicious, with shredded cheese and Frito corn chips liberally added to the top. Guess what I had for my supper that night?

5. Wednesday was Bro. Mike's family's last night in the States before heading to the mission field. After church, and after everyone else had said their good-byes, Trissy and I walked over to their house, next door to Victory Rd.'s gym, and we stayed and visited a little longer - putting off the parting as long as we could. I didn't let myself think about this being the last time I would be in their house - the new youth pastor's family would be moving into it in a few weeks - or that these conversations and hugs would be the last ones for years. I just spent my energy savoring it, to be able to look back on later.

"Hallelujah, For All You've Done"

What a hard, wonderful, tortuous morning.
Thursday Bro. Mike and his family will leave for their new roles as over-seas missionaries. Since this was his last Sunday, he asked if our youth music group would lead the music service this morning so he could see and hear us together one more time.
It was also our last time to play together as the group we are - Austin, Archer, Julia, Simon, Law, and me. This is Archer's last week-end home before leaving for university this week.


I took my little camera, two memory cards, and my tripod, and set it up to try to video this bit of our history. I was going to get Trissy to run it, but Ava saw me setting up and offered to do it, since she sits closer to the front than my family does, and might could get a better/closer video. Sweet Ava. I gladly accepted.

As Sunday School was letting out and people were beginning to fill up the auditorium, Austin, me, Archer, Law, and Simon (Julia had gone to get or do something, I don't remember what) gathered in a little circle over in the left-hand corner of the stage before the service began. Before having prayer together as we always try to do before we play, dear Austin spoke to us for a moment, charging us with the importance of what we were fixing to do. Not only were we to play, as is always the goal, for the glory of our God, but today we were also honoring Bro. Mike, who'd stood by us and poured so much of himself into the youth of the church, and Archer who, with Austin, had co-led the group and who'd been with us so long and who now was moving on. This would be our last time to play together. "This is for Bro. Mike and Archer. Let's play our hearts out."
And I think we did.

The songs we did were a reflection of our history together - perhaps unintentionally, but I noticed it later - and fitting for the occasion. 
"I Saw The Light", a wonderful toe-tapping spiritual,
"For All You've Done", praising the Lord for His goodness and kindness,
"Beneath The Waters", proclaiming our faith in God and telling the story of our salvation,
"10,000 Reasons", praising God for His goodness in the past and asking for His grace to serve Him in the future, and the
"Revelation Song", simply worshiping our awesome Lord. Also, Austin had sung the "Revelation Song" on the Sunday before he left for an almost-year-long mission trip in a dangerous over-seas country, three and a half years ago. This is the Sunday before Bro. Mike's family leaves for an over-seas mission field.
For the 'invitation song' after Bro. Earl preached, we did
"Sometimes", which is simply a cry from a weak human heart, admitting fear, yet expressing a joyful abandon to the whirlwind of God's plans. One of the lines is "Where You go, we will follow, oh, God send me!". Pretty fitting I thought.
For the 'leaving song' as some of them call it (when the service has been dismissed, and the musicians just play a little bit as people begin leaving or milling around talking to each other), we did one that some of us really like and others of us really don't, but it sounds good and it's fun to play :) .

So, a variety of our favorites, gathered from our months together, and a last tribute to those who've encouraged us, to each other, and to God Who put us together and blessed us with this time of our lives.

Austin had said, "Let's play our hearts out. This is for Bro. Mike and Archer." And Archer, in his characteristic mix of kindness and matter-of-fact cheekiness, stated, "But for Jesus mostly."

Amen. Always.

Looking Forward

I must confess, in many respects I am not looking forward to January. In fact, I'm dreading it. The new year is expected to bring many changes. And not all of them are happy ones.
I don't like change anyway. At least not to a large extent. I like things to get comfortable - and stay that way.
A few things this January is bringing that I am not looking forward to:

(1) Bro. Mike and his wife and Camille leaving as missionaries to the Philippines.
(2) A new youth pastor and his family coming to take Bro. Mike's family's place.
(3) Justice and Noel (who'd applied to fill Bro. Mike's position but were not chosen) possibly moving to the 'big city' a few hours north to be over the youth ministry at a church there.
(4) Archer leaving the youth music group to go to college an hour away, and therefore also
(5) The beginning of the disintegration of the youth music group as it is now: Austin, Archer, me, Julia, Simon, and Law.

A few things this January is bringing that I am looking forward to:

(1) Another church mission trip to the children's home and ranch in a neighboring state.
(2) A week-end retreat/youth conference led by the church The Grandparents attend. The youth pastor has asked our youth music group to be the music leaders for it.
(3) The Strength to Stand conference in Tennessee.

Besides these things, I have a mild but uncharacteristic fear when I think of the coming year. So much has changed this past year that I so completely did not see coming. Good and bad.
I have an indomitable hope that the new year will bring the kind of change that will move us as a church back to the blessed ground we stood on at the beginning of 2012, and even move us higher! For that is the goal - higher, always higher; in service for the Lord and growth in His ways.
The struggles and losses and heartbreak of this past summer, especially coming after the soaring gladnesses that there had been... I shudder when I look mentally at the mountain that is before us, taunting us to try to overcome. Us as a church. Us as individuals.


Where are we going? Will we be strong in the face of discouragement or worse? What does 2013 bring us? When Dec. 31, 2013 comes and we turn to look at the past year for the last time, will we see loss or gain? Victory or defeat? Tears of joy or tears of sadness? Black clouds or bright sunlight?
And so I fight my battle against worry. Against fear.

I am afraid. I am hopeful, but I am afraid. Is it wrong to admit it? I don't think so. For I know in Whom I trust. I know my Lord has it all planned out, and nothing that happens, or doesn't, is outside of His doing and control.

God help us be true!

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 63

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: VRCA Christmas Program

2. Hearing: "The First Noel"

3. Smell: Breakfast

4. Taste: Cappuccino

5. Touch: Archer's iPhone

The stories behind the list:

1. Last night was the academy's Christmas program and they had it in Victory Rd.'s gym. It was a simple enactment of the Christmas story. The students who didn't have a character part made up a red-shirted choir that flanked the little 'set' on both sides and sang between 'scenes'. It was a heart-warming thing to witness - all those squeaky young voices singing lustily the dear old Christmas carols, or costumed little figures stumbling bravely through lines and motions and parts. It reminded me of a treasured story my family has a recording of, about another school's little Christmas play.

2. Joy has been taking violin lessons for about six weeks and is doing very well at it. At one point during the service Sunday morning, she played "The First Noel".
Except for that pure sweet melody, there was complete silence as the congregation sat watching and listening. I was in the choir, behind her, watching the lights among the decorative greenery and the quiet joy on the faces of those listening.
It was pure Christmas.

3. Thursday morning Trissy decided she was going to get up and make us all a little country breakfast, and enjoy one of her seemingly favorite hobbies - inventing recipes, or putting new 'spins' on existing ones. I began to smell it before I knew what she was doing. Home-made cheddar bay biscuits and scrambled eggs. The biscuits were the experiment. And a huge success!

4. Friday night was the night for the annual Christmas festival held at the local junior college, the same one I went to. A little bunch of us Victory Rd. folks ran a booth selling loaded baked potatoes, and a s'mores bar. We do a booth each year, and those that help run it divide up the money to use for mission trips, conferences, or other church activities. It's always a fun night of fellowship with the other Victory Rd. folks working, and a wholesome, fun, family-friendly Christmas event.
Abigail and Piper were two of the others working and Trissy and I had a nice time chatting and working with them, as always.
It's usually really cold, but this year's winter weather has been pretty much non-existent (Southern weather keeps you guessing) and people were out in light shirt-sleeves or t-shirts. But there was a booth selling cups of hot cappuccino, and in a thrill of Christmas spirit, Piper bought Trissy and me each a cup. Then Trissy bought her one, and we stood laughing at each other and sipping our hot, but very delicious, Christmas cappuccino.

5. Victory Rd.'s youth music group has been asked to lead the music at a camp in January, put on by the church The Grandparents attend. At music practice Tuesday night, we were getting started practicing for that. Archer had the list of potential songs we plan on doing in his phone and was passing it around for us to look over. I don't think I'd ever held an iPhone before :) . And it was warm from the hands that held it before me.

Things I Am Thankful For - 2012

This year I haven't done any 'special' Thanksgiving post or post series yet. I hadn't really thought I would. It's not that I'm not thankful; I'm just not huge on doing commemorative posts simply because everyone else is.
I'm huge on being thankful! You can visit THIS page for an ongoing list of my life's simple special blessings that I treasure as gifts from my loving God.
In the past, I've written many posts on things I'm thankful for. I try to make thankfulness a year-long habit, one of my 'life's missions', if you will.

But this year I hadn't planned on posting anything specifically to acknowledge the Thanksgiving holiday.
I've changed my mind.

So much has gone on the last year or so. So much to be thankful for, and so much heart-break. It is primarily because of the heart-break that I decided it's important for me to take this opportunity and muse on some of the great things the Lord has put into my life that I dare not take for granted.

At first I was going to make a list. Then I thought I'd actually write out things.
Now I've decided to just type, and let it flow.

So, for your musement or amusement, here are a few of the many things I am thankful for this year...

Trissy sings nearly every morning she spends at the house (she often spends the night with The Grandparents to be there to help them if they need something). Before I get out of bed many mornings, I can hear her in her room, already up, softly singing a hymn or some new song we've learned. I've never mentioned it to her, but it has been such a lift on many mornings I just didn't want to get up and face the world. If you read this Trissy, here is my 'public' thank-you.

I'm thankful that my only living set of grandparents lives within hollering distance from my house. I can easily ride my bike or walk to see them. I'm thankful they are still in good enough health to live alone. I am thankful my family lives so close to them so that we can be there and care for them when they need it. Though sometimes tasks are difficult, I'm thankful for opportunities to serve them, and even the 'distasteful' jobs are not really all that bad if met with the attitude that service is a privilege, not a burden. I'm thankful for the example my mom has set as she cares for them. I've never heard her be disrespectful to them, even when a situation is frustrating. She always puts aside whatever she is doing to go help them if the phone rings and they need something. I'm thankful for my dad's example and willingness to help her and them. They aren't even his parents, yet he willingly does or helps with tasks for my grandfather that require a man's assistance. He always respects them and is gracious. I'm thankful for Trissy helping them by housecleaning, cooking, and doing other things for them when I am gone.

My family is patient with me and so gracious to allow me to 'go' and do all the things I am involved in. Two jobs, both with at least somewhat irregular schedules, Tuesday night practice with the church youth music group, leading a junior-high age small-group at church on Wednesday night, Thursday night college Bible study, and various other odds and ends on the side.

Plaid button-up shirts. I love to wear them and I love to see people in them.

The letter the Lord led me to write to Law. Even though looking back, it seems to only have made the proverbial 'recording needle' jerk, there is no doubt that it made an impact on him. He cannot wholly forget it. And I am thankful for the on-going 'Bible-verse-every-Sunday' agreement. Every week during the week, I ask the Lord to show me a verse that Law may need the message of that week, and I write it on a small piece of paper and give it to him on Sunday mornings. I am thankful it's not something I just started doing, but that he eagerly agreed to it and expects it each Sunday.
I'm thankful the Lord is patient and knows perfectly how to deal with each of His children. I'm thankful He is looking out for Law and will keep him and guide him and make him into the man He wants him to be.

I'm thankful for precious little Maxwell. What a joy. What a gift. What an unaware little comforter he is. If ever I need a tangible reminder that God answers impossible prayers, I can think of him and know it's true.

I think if I lived in the city, I would literally die of suffocation. But I don't. I live in the country, in the deep South, surrounded by cow pastures and woods. I can see the stars at night and hear the birds in the morning. I can smell the pungent fragrance of cattle and the honey-like scent of wildflowers. I can hear rain on the roof and the wind in the leaves of the trees and can see the sun rise in gold and sink in fire over the rim of the world. I eat vegetables grown in my family's garden, fruit grown on our trees, and drink pure water from our own well. My street is a dirt road and my nearest neighbor lives in a house friends built for my orphan grandfather and his siblings when they were children.
And I live in America.

My 'college' friends at church (though only a couple of us are actually still in college). How precious they are to me. Aron and Henley, Justice and Noel, Austin and Ava, Toby and Lindy, Russell, Archer, Camille, Julia, Autumn, and Landon, Oliver, and Oliver's wife, though we don't get to see those last three much. How good God is to give them to me.

I'm thankful for my laptop, and internet access. So many opportunities have opened up to me through this. Not only for my own enjoyment, but also for ministry. Blogging, Pinterest, my Etsy shop, research, journaling, doing media work for church, preparing devotionals and lessons, e-mail, website creation, photo editing, and on and on. It's like a door. And I am thankful to have a key.

The mission and church trips and events the Lord has allowed me to take part in this year. The Strength To Stand conference in Tennessee and the mission trip to the children's ranch in January. The 30 Hour Famine in April. The mission trip to Chicago in June. What memories, what blessings. I went expecting blessings, but the Lord did for me "... exceeding abundantly above all that we (I) ask(ed) or think (thought)..." in several areas. Such a treasure-trove of memories.

I'm thankful for my 'girls trio' at Victory Rd. - Lela, Piper, and Joy. I'm thankful Lela still goes to VRCA and that I still get to see and hug her every few days. I'm thankful for Piper's poised, mature, wise, fun, refreshing spirit, and for her friendship - so often I forget that she's eleven years younger than me. She is a spot of silver when the day is gray. I'm thankful for silly Joy's goofy friendship, and for the opportunity to influence her spirit to grow.

The S. family has (other than my own family) probably had the most effect on my life this year. Each member in various ways has had a significant impact on me in the past months.
Bro. S.'s firm, quiet example. His hard work ethic, his commitment to and love for his wife and children, his desire to live pleasing God. I know there is hope for America while there are still men like this alive and well.
The way Mrs. S. lives life - unhurried but purposeful. Her simple tenderhearted wisdom, her perception into the needs and troubles of others, and her willingness and efforts to help them; her old-fashioned unaffected hospitality. I want to be like that.
Archer's calm and unapologetic confidence - he does what he does (or doesn't do) because he feels like he has a good reason for doing (or not doing) it, and if you want to change him about it, you must offer his analytical mind well-presented, legitimate, logical arguments. He's a thinker, passionately compassionate, a lover of good, and one of my best friends - one of my 'adopted brothers'. There are things we don't agree on, but there is also so much I have learned from him.
Law. Dear Law. So much like me and so close to where I was at his age that it's almost scary. He is such an amazing person, and when he allows the Lord to be the one in the driver's seat, he's going to be unstoppable. His energy, his love of laughter, his fascination with going against the flow, his appreciation of optimism, his quick wit, his attraction to the stars, his desire to do good, his charisma, his loyalty to a cause. How I have prayed for/fought for him, how I long to see him become the man God wants him to be, how I love this boy, only the Lord Who loves him more knows. How I rejoice in hope.
Sweet Abigail, my 'corny joke buddy' - she knows I will laugh! I love her calm excitement, her love for good, her pretty style, her sturdy spirit, and her willingness to work hard. She's like a flower in the spring, a sunbeam in the summertime, a copper leaf in the fall, and a snowflake in the winter - the spirit of the best and most beautiful of the season. She has written me several notes over the past few months, and with each one I am reminded that younger eyes are watching how I live my life. Oh how I want to be worthy.
And Piper. Precious Piper. She defies the stigma attached to the title 'teenager'. Her perception and wisdom are startling at times. Her thoughtfulness, her sympathy, her light, her uplifting conversation, her love for simplicity and beauty and family - I never fail to be encouraged by a meeting with Piper. To talk with her, whether the conversation is silly or serious, is to be a tired traveler and to be refreshed from a shimmering stream - clear as crystal, rich as silver.
What richness they have brought to my life, what color and texture and depth. How I praise God for merging this family's path with mine.

Victory Rd. Much, if not most, of the heart-break this year has come from it. But the blessings the Lord has used it to accomplish in my life are immeasurable. I have nothing to say that could express my awe and thankfulness effectively for His gift of this church.

It is Thanksgiving morning and there is much to do, so I must be moving on. A Biblical example is always appropriate, so I will close in the style of the writer of the book of Hebrews...

And what more can I say? For the time would fail me to tell of blessings I would praise Him for; of running water and electricity, of food stored up for months ahead, of a stable family life, of access to good books and audios and even some movies, of good friends and Godly examples and family members serving the Lord on the far sides of the globe, of my own copy of the Bible in my own language and the ability to read it, of fresh breezes and thunderstorms in the summer, of hot chocolate and blankets and bonfires in the winter, of craft supplies and ideas and the satisfied feeling after finishing a project, of the sound of a rooster crowing and the friendship of a soft black kitten with a permanent curly-cue at the end of her tail: which encourage me when I'm down, thrill me when I'm happy, comfort me when I'm thoughtful, fascinate me when I'm excited, and calm me when I'm discontent. All these things and more would I name, God having provided them to reprimand my fretfulness, solace my sadness, and rejoice my thankful heart - to make me more into the Christian I should be.

SOLI DEO GLORIA! And Happy Thanksgiving, 2012.

Where I Love To Be

Last night I got to leave work at VRCA a little early, which meant I got to go to the church early before music practice. Simon and Law were already there playing together. We exchanged hellos, and Law told me that Archer said practice would have to start around 6:30 'cause he had to work late. That would give me almost a whole hour to rest and listen. What a treat!

The boys went back to their playing of random bits of song, switching instruments, giving each other advice, and discussing chords and rhythm and such.
After taking off my coat and putting down my things, I found a pen and a piece of paper and wrote:

"It's enough just to be here, sitting in a corner, knowing they don't mind my presence, listening to their voices and their music. I have no idea what they're playing, but I like it."

I dug my current read out of my bag, got my coat (it was pretty cold!), and curled up in the big old recliner at the back of the room.

But I didn't read my book for a while. I reclined the chair, stretched out with my coat over me, and closed my eyes, resting in the softness and listening to their voices and their music. A wonderful deeply satisfying peace was in my heart. Rest and contentment.

Few, if any, places thrill me like my church does. To just be there, even if no one else is, but especially if there are others, is to remember hard and precious lessons, priceless experiences, complete laughter, beautiful faces, joy, tears, praise, love, mercy, hope, and the unbelievable compassion of almighty God. I never tire of that place.

This morning in my devotional reading, I ran onto this verse, and it expresses my spirit quite well:

"One thing have I desired of the LORD, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the LORD, and to enquire in his temple." Ps. 27:4