Looking Forward

I must confess, in many respects I am not looking forward to January. In fact, I'm dreading it. The new year is expected to bring many changes. And not all of them are happy ones.
I don't like change anyway. At least not to a large extent. I like things to get comfortable - and stay that way.
A few things this January is bringing that I am not looking forward to:

(1) Bro. Mike and his wife and Camille leaving as missionaries to the Philippines.
(2) A new youth pastor and his family coming to take Bro. Mike's family's place.
(3) Justice and Noel (who'd applied to fill Bro. Mike's position but were not chosen) possibly moving to the 'big city' a few hours north to be over the youth ministry at a church there.
(4) Archer leaving the youth music group to go to college an hour away, and therefore also
(5) The beginning of the disintegration of the youth music group as it is now: Austin, Archer, me, Julia, Simon, and Law.

A few things this January is bringing that I am looking forward to:

(1) Another church mission trip to the children's home and ranch in a neighboring state.
(2) A week-end retreat/youth conference led by the church The Grandparents attend. The youth pastor has asked our youth music group to be the music leaders for it.
(3) The Strength to Stand conference in Tennessee.

Besides these things, I have a mild but uncharacteristic fear when I think of the coming year. So much has changed this past year that I so completely did not see coming. Good and bad.
I have an indomitable hope that the new year will bring the kind of change that will move us as a church back to the blessed ground we stood on at the beginning of 2012, and even move us higher! For that is the goal - higher, always higher; in service for the Lord and growth in His ways.
The struggles and losses and heartbreak of this past summer, especially coming after the soaring gladnesses that there had been... I shudder when I look mentally at the mountain that is before us, taunting us to try to overcome. Us as a church. Us as individuals.


Where are we going? Will we be strong in the face of discouragement or worse? What does 2013 bring us? When Dec. 31, 2013 comes and we turn to look at the past year for the last time, will we see loss or gain? Victory or defeat? Tears of joy or tears of sadness? Black clouds or bright sunlight?
And so I fight my battle against worry. Against fear.

I am afraid. I am hopeful, but I am afraid. Is it wrong to admit it? I don't think so. For I know in Whom I trust. I know my Lord has it all planned out, and nothing that happens, or doesn't, is outside of His doing and control.

God help us be true!