More [Music] Change

Okay, so, Austin and Law are both 'officially' gone from the music group, and tonight's practice was... well, I was going to say, "I'm not going to say 'terrible'..." but I won't say that, because I am going to say 'terrible'.

Three weeks ago at practice, before we started, Austin told me that the next week was his and Law's last week. I was the only one who didn't know, because I go to the adult service on Sunday nights, instead of the youth classes. Everybody else found out the Sunday night before, when they were practicing for that night.

I knew Austin and Ava would soon be going to their new church on Wednesdays too, in addition to Sundays, but I didn't realize it would be so soon.
And I was completely surprised to hear Law was leaving. He said his folks had said he could at the end of the school year. He didn't give reasons or explanations (he's just like Archer on that), but his life shows that he wants what the Lord wants for his life; it's between the two of them, and I didn't ask more questions.

I was going to be gone the next week, so they agreed to push it back another week - until May 21st, instead of May 14th.

So, this past week was the last one of us together.
It was a wonderful, wonderful, final week. I took my camera and got pictures of us at practice, and then Trissy took some on Wednesday night. The spirit of camaraderie, and joy, and praise to God was so special - I think we all were consciously trying to focus on the good memories, the little 'family' we'd formed, and the reason for it all - to glorify the Lord - instead of the fact that this was the last time to play together. It was just so so great.

I've been sad, but haven't let myself focus on it. Last time I lost a cluster of dear friends all at one time, it nearly did me in. Of course I'll miss them, but hopefully I've grown in my reliance on the Lord since that time. The night Austin and Law told me they were going to be leaving, I felt almost sort of guilty that I didn't feel worse about it! But then it seemed like the spirit of the Lord showed me - and I pray this is why! - 'It's because I've become enough for you.'

This evening, I felt a reluctance, but not a dread, about going to practice, and the new way it's going to be. On the way, I didn't let myself think about it as the loss of our old group, I made myself think of it as the forming of a new group, and I could almost look forward to it. At least anticipate the newness of it.
Abigail will sing still, and I will still play the keyboard. But Trent's moving to drums, Peter to bass guitar, and Lydia will now be our leader/organizer/director and play acoustic guitar.

It was pretty much, 'terrible'. Everyone wanted to do their best to make it work, I think. It's just that it was practically a whole new group trying to learn how to work together.

I think the biggest thing to get used to is going to be how Lydia leads, versus how Austin led.
Austin is very mild-tempered, very considerate, and very open to suggestions from the other members. He hates to see or be part of conflict, or for others to be uncomfortable, and he will do all he can to accommodate others' feelings. He's excellent at deflecting difficulties, relieving tension, and bringing out the best in people, all while getting the job done right.
Lydia is very much a 'take the bull by the horns'-type person. She knows music, she's been/is a music teacher, and she's got a very bold, honest, up-front personality. She doesn't hem and haw and beat around the bush about anything, and she is meticulously honest, perhaps a little to the point of bluntness.
Both types of people are great for leadership positions. One is, 'Come with me'. One is, 'Follow me'.
The hard part is switching from following one type of leader, to *BAM* following the other type, with practically no transition phase.

This is a whole new ballgame. We've just got to learn how to play.

A Hodge-podge Collage

It's bedtime. The rest of the house is dark and quiet, but there is a lamp on beside me. I am ensconsed in Dad's big recliner in the living room for the night because I'm trying to organize my room and can't get to my bed at this point. I have a notebook and a pen...

My thoughts are like a hodge-podge collage tonight. Thoughts, colors, people, songs, scenes, events, past, present, future, all layered together and overlapping into a display that, really, is quite beautiful, in spite of the pain that's part of the piece.

Melissa's sadness * "Like An Avalanche" * Law's sweet prayer * Abigail's shirt striped with sequins * Julia saying good-bye * Autumn's joking rebuke that I can't figure out * the black hood of Austin's car * JV kids from last year back this year * seeing my 'brown-eyed boy' in Wal*Mart * "Christ In Me" * music practice last night * 'Multiply' with Joy * Law: "Was that a fat joke Austin?! You did! You just called Kyrie fat." Abigail: "Kyrie, he called you fat! Slap him!" Me: "No!" Austin's look of innocent bewildered confusion * my bedroom I'm wanting to clean out and organize * being behind on my '5 Small Things Friday' posts * wanting to write/journal * Uncle Alvin's family coming to visit * Law's soft shirt and lean hardness when he bumped against my arm * wanting to make things for the fair * hopes for our AWANAs at church * Bro. Nick's lesson tonight - 'Making Decisions for the Glory of God' * Lindy seeming pre-occupied * being hungry and tired * why didn't Archer come to Toby and Lindy's wedding? * not getting to tell Landon 'bye before he left for his year-long mission trip * Passion 2014? * letters to write * hugs from Piper * wearing my hair down * invite pain? reject pain? or forget pain? * "Learning To Be The Light" * VRCA school starting * needing to work on the academy website * What happened to Ashelyn and her husband? * Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie * Bro. Dennis joking like old times at Toby and Lindy's rehearsal supper * ...

My Beautiful People

This is a sort of prose 'poem' I composed off the top of my head this afternoon. I was thinking about how beautiful people are, how detailed and exquisite God's craftsmanship is, and how it blesses me to look at it, and I just started writing about (some of) the beautiful people I know. I wrote about some of them as they are now, and about some of them as I have known them and as I know they can be again.

{Aug. 10th Note: I have edited and added to how it was originally; below is the edited version. And I will most likely continue to add to it in coming weeks - I know many beautiful people :) ! There is not necessarily a particular order, though I have tended to edit related people to be in groups. The paragraphs mostly just flowed from pictures of people I love that popped randomly into my mind's vision.}

"My Beautiful People"

I love how people are so beautiful.

I love Mrs. S's hair, flecked with a bare sprinkle of silver,
how it falls in a dark wing above her forehead.
I love how her words are always soft
but always significant.
How she tilts her head
and makes everyone who talks to her feel like
they are special.

I love how Austin's grin is worth a million dollars.
I love the little wrinkles at the corners of his eyes
and how he is one of the greatest examples of humility and undemonstrative compassion I have ever known.
How his eyes are sometimes contented green,
sometimes quiet caramel,
and sometimes snapping black.
How his thick hair is that dark gold color,
and how he absently plays with that lock in the front when he's thinking.

I love how Ava's brilliant deep blue eyes fill up half her face
and how her huge smile fills the other half.
How she braids a strand of her hair away from her face sometimes,
and how she ducks her head and does this awkward sort of dance up to you
when she wants a hug.
I love how perfect she is for Austin.
I love how understanding she is,
how easy to talk to,
and how she's the one I think of when I have a desire to do something really wacky or childish,
knowing she'd understand perfectly
and would probably do it with me.

I love how Bro. Dennis's laugh fills him up
and fills the room up
and fills the listeners up
so that they want to laugh too, even if they don't know what's going on.
I love his caramel eyes
and brown hair
and sideburns.
How he's so square and stocky.
I love how he cocks his head and glares at you with his eyebrows way up, when you've done something without thinking and he wants to call your attention to it, but in a teasing way.
I love how he thinks about everything, analyzing it until it's broken down and he can look at all it's parts
and then show them to someone else in a way that they can understand it.

I love how gentle-faced
and dignified Mrs. Carrie is.
How slim and tall she stands,
and how she can get from one spot to another quickly, but never appears to be hurrying.
How quietly elegant her style is.
I love her silky hair
and how it falls to her shoulders with gentle waves towards the bottom.
I love her dark-honey eyes
that observe keenly,
and speak volumes if you have the eyes to listen.

I love Oliver's passion,
his dreamer's heart.
How his grin could light up a dungeon
and how his black eyes squint when he is really smiling,
or get big when he's passionately trying to describe or get a point across.
How his black hair and tan skin make him look great in white.

I love Toby's humility,
his resilience,
and his quiet passion for the spread of the Gospel.
I love his blue eyes and dark blond hair,
his kind smile,
and the way he coins phrases or starts using already-invented ones in such a way that use of the expression seems to spread and become part of the every-day vocabulary of most who know him.
I love how devoted he is to Lindy,
how respectful he is of her,
and yet how they goof off and tease each other almost like siblings might.

I love Lindy's powder-blue eyes.
How healthy and gentle her face is.
I love how she's so powerful,
but so lady-like.
How she bends over backwards to make
the others in the situation feel comfortable.

I love Mrs. Renae's deep brown hair
and how it has red-ish highlights.
I love how when she's laughing,
her left eye squints just a little bit.
I love how she rejoices in life like a child might.
How she worships the Lord like no one else is watching,
or like the whole world is.
How she dresses so classy,
and modestly too.

I love how deep 'my brown-eyed boy's eyes are,
and how deep his voice is,
though he is so young.
I love how his hair is such a rich dark brown -
almost black.
How great he looks in dark teal.
How polite he is.
How, when he laughs, it's a squeak deep in his throat;
how it contrasts with his speaking voice.
I love how he gets in 'beast mode' when there's a job to do -
how his focus narrows so that he gives his best to do his part.

I love Piper's freckles,
her round-ish face,
her piercing eyes,
that are so wise.
I love her meek and quiet spirit,
her calm sensibility.
How she stands at an angle and looks at the ground ahead of you and sort of leans toward you with her near arm out just a little, when she wants a hug.
How when she wears her glasses,
she looks even cuter. And sortof scholarly.
How she is the perfect size to hug and prop my cheek on the top of her head,
but how she will probably end up taller than I am.

I love how Abigail is so brown and healthy-looking
from all the time she spends outside.
How she sometimes sweeps a little of her hair away from her face on either side in a sortof vintage style.
How she closes her eyes and then sweeps her head to face you and opens them dramatically when she's making a point.
I love how she blinks and sniffs at the same time,
how it wrinkles her nose and shows off her freckles
and her lovely eyelashes at the same time,
but how she doesn't even know she's doing it.
I love how she's always got a pun or corny joke to share.
How her giggle sounds light and free and pure.

I love Law's eyes; that amazing summer-forest color - a patch of sky, a few leaves, a glimpse of loamy earth.
How his light brown hair sweeps across his forehead like his mom's does.
I love how tall and broad-shouldered he's getting to be,
how brown he is from working outside in the sun all the time.
I love how when he smiles it lights up his whole being,
how his eyes get big and round and excited.
How fun-loving he is,
and yet, how responsible
and serious he can be when it counts.
I love how the joy of the Lord seems to fill him up
and pour out of him to bless and admonish others in his life.

I love Archer's sharp brown eyes, one of only two pairs I've ever known that could truly be said to 'twinkle',
how he smirks when he finds something amusing,
making that slight dimple come out in his cheek.
How he rocks back on the chair legs when he laughs, his chuckles starting as a squeak in his throat, his eyes squinting, and his nose wrinkling up.
How carefully and yet unknowingly he lifts a wing of dark almost-black hair away from his eyes with his fingertips, or rakes his hand through the top and pats it down.
His biting sarcasm that he then softens with a smirk and a twinkle as he cuts his eyes slyly at the victim.
His heart for service,
and how he doesn't back down from his decision unless presented with what he considers intelligent, compelling reasons.

I love how Julia's so pert, almost sassy,
in the way she teases her friends;
how her rude comments (that probably no one else could get away with) are her way of showing her friendship,
and how she hurries to assure you she was joking, even though you already knew she was.
How frank and honest you can count on her to be.
I love how naturally scrunchy/curly her blond hair is.
I love how she's the queen of crazy faces,
how she can make this bug-eyed stare and hold it long after you've given up staring back and are doubled over laughing.
I love those brilliant blue eyes of hers,
how she uses them with her fine blond eyebrows and
how she tilts and moves her head to be so expressive.
I love how she and Autumn (not being related at all) can be such close friends that they're like sisters.

I love Autumn's naturally scrunchy light brown hair,
her almond-shaped dark brown eyes,
how her smile shows how straight and white and perfect her teeth are,
and makes her dimples come out.
I love how she's not very tall,
but is so athletic
and sturdy.
How she doesn't brag,
but her talents just randomly come out when they're needed
and everyone thinks, "Wow."

I love Camille's strength,
not only physically,
but inside too.
How tall she is.
How thick and rich her brown hair is
and how it can get so long so fast.
I love how bright her green eyes are
and how clear and bright her complexion is
when she doesn't wear make up
and her hair is up out of her face.
How she seems so brusque
and almost tough,
but is really such a softie.

I love Bro. Mike's gray-ish hair
and short goatee
and slightly pointed ears
that earned him the nick-name, The Garden Gnome.
I love his kind blue eyes,
his short stocky build,
and how he believes in hard work
and in doing your best.
His wise,
calm,
loving,
understanding spirit.

I love Landon's good-natured spirit.
How he is the image of country-boy charm,
with his work boots, faded jeans, worn t-shirt (or button-up with the sleeves rolled up), and white-and-blue ball cap.
How that white-and-blue cap is almost as much a part of him as his name is!
How round his brown eyes are
and how high his eyebrows get when he's telling about one of the adventures that seem to constantly seek him out.
The air of hospitality,
kindness,
gladness,
and friendliness
that is part of his character.

I love how courageous Bro. Earl is,
how he can narrow his vision so that he can focus on the job at hand, and shut out the rest of life's difficulties for the time being.
I love how he always has a complement,
a joke,
or a pleasant remark
for whoever he runs into.
I love how he's so squarely built,
how he stays in shape even though his job is not one that requires much physical activity.
How his style is both relaxed and yet classic.
How he always has time to talk,
and how he will tell you if he doesn't have the answer,
but will try to help you find it.
How he's a preacher, a pastor, but he's just a regular guy too,
he's not hight-and-mighty,
he's humble,
and willing to learn.
I love his teal-blue eyes
and dark-gold hair like Austin's.

I love Mrs. Shannen's nod -
the way she bobs her head and smiles Bro. Dennis' grin when she agrees with something.
The way she says, "Goot!" instead of "Good!",
that would sound annoying on anyone else,
but is part of her.
How her short hair flips out just a little.
Her gentle spirit
and meekness.
How she's so motherly,
so kind,
how she keeps on going,
even when the going is tough.

I love the way Russell dances (almost litterally) through life,
using his flambuoyant tendency toward the dramatic (singing, acting, dancing, etc.)
to entertain us,
to put smiles on our faces,
to lighten the heaviness that life sometimes is.
How his striking blue eyes contrast with his brown hair,
and how they squint and disappear when he grins.
How he'll pull out the 'grandma voice' when he's talking to little kids,
or the Scottish accent when he's ordering at a restaurant.
How he gets so serious and technical when there's a job to do,
rushing around on his long legs like a grasshopper.
How his eyebrows raise and wiggle,
and his eyes sparkle when he's goofing off.
I love how he's joyful even when his life's hard.

I love Trent's sense of humor when you get to know him a little bit,
but how he's just an ordinary teenager otherwise.
How 'dressing up' is, for him, a white button-up shirt, unfaded jeans, and boots.
How thick and rich his blond hair is,
how quiet and observant his eyes are,
how slender he is,
and how tall he's getting to be.

I love Aron's strength, both of body
and of character.
How protective he is of his wife and child,
how he serves them
and guides them.
I love how he is such a hard worker
and such a loyal friend.
How his jet-black hair and dark eyes and deep tan skin are so striking, and
how his laugh is so powerful, but
so boyish and freeing.

I love Henley's sensitivity to people,
her down-to-earth outlook
and kind heart;
the way she draws others in, making them at home.
I love how her long, straight, dark-blond hair has natural bright-gold highlights in it.
Her big blue eyes.
How patient she is,
always trying to see the positive in a situation,
how she respects her husband Aron,
and protects her little son.
How she has chosen to stay at home and serve her family,
instead of trying to make 'her' place out in the world.

I love how Joy is so tall,
how I hug her and it's more comfortable for her arms to be around my shoulders while my arms are around her waist, even though I'm ten years older.
I love how her eyes are the color of dark copper
and her hair is just a little darker than that.
I love how she calls herself my long-lost sister because we're so much alike that it's uncanny sometimes.
How she lights up when she's telling me about something that stood out to her in her Bible reading.

I love Justice's confidence,
how his voice has such a low pitch that, if you're not used to it, it almost makes you want to plug your ears to lessen how much it makes the room vibrate.
I love how his Irish blood comes out
in his stocky form,
curly brown hair,
bright blue eyes,
pale freckled skin,
and passionate nature.
I love how tender-hearted he is toward things of God;
how he has a heart for young people,
and how he has such a gift as a teacher.

I love Noel's curly black hair.
I love how she looks up to Justice, her husband.
How she defaults to him in any decision.
I love her child-like simplicity,
and how she tries to make the best of a hard situation.
What a grateful spirit she has
and how matter-of-fact she is.
How she's willing to serve wherever she can,
and how quick she is to point out other's talents and strengths.
I love how she tucks her chin, cocks her head, raises her eyebrows, and looks at her listeners from the tops of her eyes when she's making a point.
I love how she leans her head back and giggles.

I love how Trissy's hair is so straight
and fine
and long
and golden in the sun.
I love that she doesn't wear make up,
but is still attractive.
I love how she makes that self-deprecating smirk
and shrugs when she does or says something that everyone except she thought was funny and they all laugh.

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 94

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: D-Now Pictures / Austin

2. Hearing: Autumn, Julia, And Julia's Mom Laughing

3. Smell:

4. Taste:

5. Touch: Hug From Julia

The stories behind the list:

1. Months before he left, Bro. Mike gave me a plastic box full of youth group pictures to sort and organize. We'd been having some conversation about the pictures around the youth room (he always tried to have a bulletin board or display out with pictures of the latest youth event or mission trip Victory Rd. had been involved in), and I asked what happens to all the pictures when they got taken down to be replaced. He replied that there was a box full of them somewhere. I expressed disappointment that they were just stuffed in some box instead of people being able to enjoy them still (me being the history buff that I am). Long story short, I volunteered to go through them and see if I could get them put into albums, and Bro. Mike was happy to let me. Well, since then, I haven't had much time to work on them. It turned out to be a little bigger and more involved project than I had invisioned, and the plastic box has been sitting in a corner for several months. This past week I decided to tackle the project, and it has been a neat experience.
I came across the envelope that had all the pictures from D-Now in 2011. My, how time flies. I spent a long time going through that stack of photos, re-living memories, studying faces, thinking of all that life has brought to the people in the pictures since that time. Looking at many faces that are gone from Victory Rd., and studying some that are now leaders in the youth group.
It was a bitter-sweet experience, going through those photos. But mostly sweet, knowing the God that was great then is great now, and still may have wonderful surprises in store for those lives.
/
Austin came to the restaurant Wednesday to get lunch for the lawn-care crew he works with. It surprised me when he came around the corner, and his big grin and teasing really gave me a pick-me-up.

2. Trissy and I were some of the last to leave church Wednesday night because of the visiting we like to hang around and do. When we finally headed outside to leave, Autumn was still parked there, talking with Julia and Julia's mom at their car, so we stopped and chatted and joked with them a little bit. All of us were needing to leave, but it seemed like every time we'd 'finish' the conversation, someone would say or think of something else to tell, and we'd keep going.
Finally we said good-byes and Trissy and I went to get in my car. I slid in, adjusting myself in the seat. When I turned around to reach out and pull my door shut, a little 'shape' was perched on my steering wheel, staring back at me unblinkingly in the half-light. I jumped and yelped, and an erruption of ecstatic cackles exploded from the three ladies parked on the other side. I realized almost immediately what the 'thing' was - a giant black and gray horned beetle, probably two-and-a-half inches long and an inch wide. I'm not afraid of beetles (even giant ones), but the unexpectedness of seeing 'something' on my steering wheel, about ten inches from my face... Well, I think I had a right to be startled!
My mind was working in a whirl, trying to figure out if it was real or rubber, if Autumn and Julia had brought it back from their recent mission trip to Central America, and what made them play the joke on me - I actually felt quite honored (you'd have to understand these two girls - they'd only play a prank like that on someone they really liked)! Autumn was by this time beside my driver door, laughing hysterically. I got back out, laughing and congratulating them on their cleverness, and she reached in and plucked the beetle from my steering wheel.
Law had found it and somehow it had come into Autumn and Julia's possession, and they decided it was too good of an opportunity to pass up - they needed somebody to prank! They noticed my windows were rolled down a little and they tried the door. When they found it unlocked, I was chosen as the 'victim'. And you know the rest of the story! Evidently they had been waiting all that time in the parking lot, just so they could see my reaction!
We said good-bye again and left, laughing the way back to the house, my evening made!

3.

4.

5. When Julia went on that mission trip to Central America, I gave her some money and asked her to pick me up some souvenirs. There have been teams or individuals from Victory Road taking mission trips to a country in Central America since 2010, and I wanted a couple of specific items like ones they'd brought back before. Julia said she could get them for me.
Wednesday night when she came in the room before class and saw me, she threw up her hands. 'I forgot to bring your things!'
'It's fine!' I assured her. 'Just whenever you can get them to me is fine. Hey, and I want you to keep the change and save it for your trip next year,' I said as she gave me a hug (which is rare - she doesn't just give out hugs). There had been about $30 worth of things she hadn't been able to get for me because she'd been sick on the day they were going to do their main souvenir shopping.
She shrugged it off exclaiming, 'I won't keep track of it 'til then!' She's planning to be down there for the whole summer next year, and I knew good and well that she'd be starting to save for it soon.
'Sure you can! Put it in a bank account or something!'
The conversation moved on with other people in the room, but before she left (it was her turn to take care of the babies in the nursery this week) she whirled and gave me a long, super-tight-squeeze hug - the kind I'd only seen her give to people I know are really special to her - and I wondered if, in her own way, she was thanking me.

Being A Servant When It's Not 'Fun'

Today marks one month since The Grandmother fell. Thankfully, she did not break any bones, but she did get pretty bruised up, and was in such pain that she had to stay in her easy-chair for about the first two-and-a-half weeks. Before she fell, she and The Grandfather did quite well living on their own. The Grandfather is handicapped, due to his feet being frozen in World War II, and almost completely dependent. The Grandmother was quite spry and able to care for both of them, with periodical help throughout any given week. But since she's been "out of commission", they have both been completely dependent, and the four of us (Dad, Mom, Trissy, and me) have pretty much been living here with them for the past four weeks.

It has been wonderful to get to spend time together, with great opportunities to help and serve. But, I must admit, it has been very difficult at times. I think I have come to respect my parents during this time, perhaps more than at any other time in my life. For one thing, I'm older and can understand implications that I could not when I was younger and life just 'happened', without me considering all that it takes to make the world go 'round! For another thing, the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words" is so, so true. I have seen my parents demonstrate selflessness, love, patience, respect, service, and humility toward my Grandparents consistently through these past few weeks. There have been many unpleasant tasks that had to be done, late hours that had to be kept. Meals are 'involved', requiring consideration for specialized servings and preparation. Mornings are an ordeal, getting each one prepared for the day, and evenings are even more difficult, reversing the process, plus other things that must be done to prepare for the night. Little tasks that healthy people don't even think about, from getting dressed and brushing teeth, to eating solid foods and moving from one room to the next, are major undertakings. But Dad and Mom have done it all, without complaining. I did not say, without weariness, without struggle. But neither one of them have wished out loud that they didn't have to do some difficult task, have snapped back at an impatient moment, or have acted like they were feeling sorry for themselves or that they thought others should be feeling sorry for them. Sweet Trissy has been the same way. Their example has really been a challenge to me when I've felt like sighing, snapping, or feeling sorry for myself.

Often, in the last couple of weeks especially, I have just wanted to go back to our house again – to clean my room, to work in the yard, to get into some craft projects, to get back our routine, for things to get ‘back to normal’.

But what bothers me most, is that I am able to stay calm and even gracious during hectic times at work, or how I look forward to service and ministry opportunities on church trips or work days, but I have such a hard time keeping a cheerful spirit when it comes to serving my own family. That's not right, but I don't know exactly what to do about it - it's just one of the difficult 'facts about me' that I deal with. I'm praying the Lord will show me how to reconcile the two, and then help me implement the answer.

I keep reminding myself of the principles in the Bible, that being a servant is the most glorified position in Scripture, that 'giving' is more blessed than 'receiving', and that whoever would be first, must first be last. But, humanly speaking, it's still difficult.

A dear friend said about a year ago to someone else, in my presence, "Kyrie's like the Energizer Bunny - could go on all day." Another dear friend used me as an example, only about a month ago, of how a Christian should be - someone who's cheerful and smiling, and I heard about it.
Several times in the last few days/weeks, those two things have been what's kept me going. The thought of 'letting down' those two precious people, in a way, even though they wouldn't find out, spurred me on and gave me determination to not give in to the impatience, drudgery, or exhaustion. Or being bone-tired and remembering those comments, and thinking, "But I'm not, I'm not - I'm weak!", and asking the Lord to help me live up to what they think of me.

And today, I was so irritated, just wanting to get outside in the fresh air and sunshine for a little while, thinking, 'I'm worn out; I am absolutely physically exhausted.' Suddenly this verse blew into my thoughts like a fresh breeze:

"My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever." Ps. 73:26

The point remains, being a servant isn't always 'fun'. It's not always glamorous. There aren't always going to be friends to goof off with to make the time pass while sharing the work. There won't always be an 'audience', even a small one, to bestow a pat on the back and say, "You're doing such a great job!" Being a servant isn't always 'fun'; but it's right.

Thank You, Lord.

Note: Uncle Alvin's were down for a visit, and Jaylyn, Jewel, their oldest sister's oldest son, Trissy, and I all got to spend the afternoon outside, working in the garden, playing a little basketball, petting our new kittens, bicycle riding, and playing "Cranium" in The Grandparents' front yard. It was wonderful!

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 80

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: Mrs. Renae And Her Girls

2. Hearing:

3. Smell: Bar-B-Q Chicken

4. Taste: Sunday Dinner

5. Touch: Hug From Lindsay / Austin And The Dishtowel

The stories behind the list:

1. Thursday morning I was working at the restaurant when Mrs. Renae, Lela, and her other little girl came through the drive-thru. Lela had made honor role at VRCA and had a coupon for a free ice cream cone. When the silver SUV's nose pulled up, I was not expecting Mrs. Renae's face to be the one smiling at me from the driver's side window, nor Lela's from the back. It was such a precious surprise to see those pretty faces. I squealed in my excitement as I exclaimed, 'Hang on, I've got to come around and give y'all a hug!' By the time I'd run through the back and out the side door, Lela was already out of the vehicle, Mrs. Renae was getting out, and the little one was waving from the seat on the other side. Oh how wonderful it was to see them! How painful, but how wonderful!

2.

3. Mom made bar-b-q chicken as part of our Sunday lunch and when I came in Sunday morning from going to make The Grandparents' breakfast, I could smell it. Oh man it made me hungry! It smelled so good!

4. In addition to the bar-b-q chicken, Mom and Trissy made scalloped potatoes (I think they were about the best I've ever had), cooked black-eyed peas, and toasted buttered cornbread in a skillet on the stove (what we call 'fried cornbread'). A king never ate a tastier meal.

5. I tell about these two stories in this post.

An 'Awesome' Sunday

I am not at all in the habit of using the word "awesome" to describe things, but in light of the great blessing the Lord gave me in this Sunday, I think it's almost worthy of the word.

The morning dawned beautifully. I went up to The Grandparents' to fix their breakfast (we've been taking turns doing that - it makes it easier for them on a busy morning trying to get ready for church), and the air had a little chill in it, but the sunshine was warm and sweet.
I finished helping them, and came back to the house, in high spirits and ready for my own breakfast, looking forward to a morning at the Lord's house. Later as I was getting ready, I got a message from Noel, reminding everyone that this morning was the start of Justice's New Testament Survey Sunday school class, and I felt an even greater expectation!

Justice was making the class available to whoever wanted to take it in the church, not just the college class, so Dad and Mom had signed up to take it as well. Because it was going to be more people than usual, we were going to meet in the larger classroom downstairs under the youth room, in the gym across the street from the church building. We were running a little late, so we parked in the small lot behind the church (closer to the gym), and as Dad and Mom gathered their Bibles and things, they told Trissy and me to go ahead and go to the classroom, so Justice would know we were there and on our way.

Trissy and I started across the little lot behind the church building, toward the street that separates the church from the gym and it's parking lot and the big, empty, grassy lot that also serves as spare parking space. The morning sun was beautiful, the air was crisp and clear, and we strolled along breathing deeply of the Spring sweetness.
Trissy suddenly called my attention to a tall young figure crossing the grassy lot quite a ways ahead of us. It was Law, heading to his Sunday School class in the youth room.
"There goes Mr. S." she commented, smiling.
I looked up. "Mmhmm" I hadn't noticed him yet, but his bright red polo made him hard to miss.
He strode along comfortably with a firm, unhurried step, his shoulders straight and his head up, moving gently, as if he were enjoying the beautiful morning. Less than a year ago, he would have ambled indifferently along, his shoulders slumped a little forward, and his gaze for the most part turned downward.
Taking note of the difference, my heart felt fit to burst with thankfulness for the Lord's work in that young heart.

Justice was the only one in the classroom when we walked in, but his mom was right behind us, then Noel, Autumn, and Aron's cousin's husband. Toby hobbled in, his leg in a brace after surgery for a torn ACL, and another older couple filled out the class. Justice said Austin was going to be leading the music service this morning, and he was getting the last details taken care of, so he and Ava might be late. We went ahead and started, but they came in pretty soon.
It was a good class, and I think we're going to learn alot. And such a wonderful, comfortable, combination of old times and new times! The thought kept running through my mind, "This is so right. This feels so right."

Later in the choir room, as the choir members trickled in, Lindsay (who has been singing with us off-and-on for several months) came up to me, said good morning, and shyly gave me what I call a 'greeting hug' (which I kindof explain in this post :) ). As she stepped back, she said, in her soft feminine way, 'You look pretty today. Well,' she paused and tilted her head as if correcting herself, 'you always look pretty. I love your hair.'
I was caught off guard.
'Aw,' I kindof ducked my head, and smiled in confusion, 'Thank you!'
I didn't know what to say! I was completely taken by surprise. Seldom am I told that I am pretty - which is convenient, because I know it's not true, and it's nice to not have to try to come up with a polite response.
But coming from a modern teen-age girl, it meant so much - to think that maybe I had been able to influence her enough as a friend for her to want to reach back out to me in her own way.

As the choir walked out in our single-file line, I saw that, not only was Austin leading, but the instruments were switched up too.
Usually, Bro. Blake leads, Lydia plays acoustic guitar, Austin is on electric, and Bro. Dennis on bass, with Simon on drums, and a young woman of the church (whose husband is a veterinarian - just a random FYI fact :) ) plays the piano. This morning though, Austin was playing acoustic guitar (in addition to leading the singing), Bro. Dennis was on electric, and Law on bass! I don't think Law has been on bass for a Sunday morning service since Bro. Blake was put in charge of the music. Simon was still on drums and the lady on the piano, but Bro. Blake was incorporating some extra percussion (tambourine and cajon) that isn't usually used.
Walking out and seeing this setup rejoiced my heart.
And the service just kept getting better as we began to sing.

My heart was so glad. I kept getting that thought again, "This is right. This is so right."

I know that, as a child of God, my joy is not dependent on my circumstances. The Lord never changes; He remains the amazing, caring, dependable, trustworthy Friend that He was when I first met Him. He will never go somewhere where I cannot be around Him anymore. He will never disappoint me. He will never make a mistake or let me down. He is always available to put His arms around me and let me lean into Him. He is the true source of anything good or enjoyable that is part of my life. HE is.
And yet I would be denying a fact of life if I tried to pretend that circumstances do not influence the way a Christian feels. Christians are not immune to sorrow or happiness. They are just as prone to emotion, doubt, struggle, and soaring victory as a person is who does not know God. The difference is that we have the Lord as our Friend and help. He guides us and helps us through difficult, as well as victorious times. And He uses both the really hard and the really great times to mold us into who He wants us to be.

Today was one of those really great days.

I guess pretty much the only thing that happened to mar the beauty of the day, was choir practice.
There were alot of people out, I guess because of Spring Break, and it was a really small crowd. There were only two in the 'men' (tenor and bass) section, and those were the two fifth-grade boys who have been singing with us for the past couple of months. I sing tenor, so when I went up into the choir, I sat by them.
I'm thankful to say that Bro. Dennis still comes and sings in the choir, even though he technically doesn't even have to be there anymore. There's usually at least one other man that is there to sing tenor, but he wasn't there this afternoon. So when Bro. Dennis came in a little late, I moved over a space, so he could sit next to the boys.
I pretty much couldn't concentrate the rest of practice. We were working on songs from a book Bro. Dennis had used with us last year. And here he was, in the choir instead of leading it. Sitting next to me, and yet a stranger. The man who taught me as much (probably more) about practical Christian living, about how to knowledgeably yet respectfully defend the Faith, about choosing joy, about reliance on and faith in the sovereignty of God, than any other preacher or teacher I've ever had. One of my heroes of the Faith. Just, gone.
I didn't feel that bitter piercing pain, only a dull sad ache. How I wished that I dared turn to him and say simply, "I miss you."
Of course I didn't, but I couldn't help but wonder, what would happen if I did? Inside, my heart spoke quietly on; quiet, but so deeply hurting. "I miss you. Why did you leave? Where did you go? Will you ever come back? I know you're still in there somewhere. Aren't you? Do you even exist anymore? Deep down, are you still in there, or is this stranger here to stay? To replace you? Please come back. I miss you. And I'm not the only one. Do you not see the pain in the eyes of others here who love you?"
My mind wandered to memories of happy choir practices only a couple of years ago. When Bro. Jack and Mrs. Janet, Bro. Mike and Camille, Mrs Carrie, Mrs. Renae, and Bro. Blake were still in it. When laughter and music were strong because they went together. When Bro. Dennis's merry heart and musical knowledge refused to be beaten by our amateurity, and he'd whip us into shape with his wit and talent.
Yeah, choir practice was really hard.

But aside from that, the rest of the evening was pleasant. And after church, our college fellowship supper was at Austin and Ava's. They made spaghetti together - dear Ava's biggest source of remorse is the fact that she can't cook. But she's serious about learning, and her experiments so far have turned out quite well. I hate to be at someone's house without helping out somehow, so she put me and Aron's little cousin to making garlic bread. Aron, Henley, and Timothy were there, Aron's cousin and her husband, toddler son, and little sister, Justice and Noel and Justice's younger brother Tanner, Austin and Ava of course, and me. Trissy was tired out from a long week of school, so she didn't go.
It seemed like such a small group, but it was pleasant and relaxing.
After supper, the guys were outside trying to fix Tanner's truck that wouldn't start, Aron and Henley and Aron's cousin's family had already left to get the kids to bed, and Noel was watching the progress on the truck. I made Ava let me help her clean the kitchen, and we had a good talk about plans for the future, how God uses events in our lives, and how He's been working recently, as I washed and she dried and put away the dishes.
We were nearly done. The guys had gotten Tanner's truck running, and they came in to see how we were getting along before Justice, Noel, and Tanner said goodnight and left.
I finished drying the salad tongs that had been used to serve the spaghetti noodles, and asked where they were supposed to be put. Austin opened a drawer.
"Oh. These are salad tongs." I said as I put them in, pretending to just then figure out their use. "Salad tongs." I emphasized to Austin, waving my hands under his nose as he bent to shut the drawer.
'Yeah, that's why we're using them for spaghetti,' he returned, completely unruffled. Austin does not like vegetables.
Ava spoke up from where she was putting up the plates. 'Austin doesn't really eat salads.' She made a disapproving face.
'Don't worry,' I reassured her, as Austin took the towel from me to dry his hands and I turned back to the sink for another dish. 'We'll convert him yet.'
Austin finished drying his hands. 'Good luck,' he replied. He draped the towel over my shoulder, patted it sympathetically, and left the kitchen. Ava and I looked at each other and chuckled.

I enjoyed the drive back to the house, tired but happily reliving the memories of the wonderful day. I turned off the highway onto our dirt road and drove slowly up the little hill, savoring the sight of the bright summer stars above the cool smoothness of the pasture grass on my left. I turned into our drive on the right and parked, got out, and walked back to the end of the drive - which faces that pasture - and stood at the end, staring up at the stars. The air had that delicate yet hardy touch of cool-in-warmth that is so typical of Spring evenings. It wasn't cool, it wasn't warm, it was fresh and it was perfect. I saw the tiny blinking lights of two airplanes and the darting path of a shooting star. My heart was so full.
I stood there quite a while, wishing I could look for hours, and resolving that I was going to spend the night sleeping under the stars some day.
When I turned to go back to the house though, the picture that met my sight touched my heart just as strongly as the one I was turning from, though in a completely different way.
Our house (it's actually a double-wide trailer that Dad's improved and built on to), sits back a little from the dirt road. The front outside light was on, and the big oak in our front yard was a radiating silhouette, lit up magically by the light behind it. The windows of the house glowed a cozy golden. My steps made a satisfying crunching sound on the gravelly drive, and my heart was leaning considerably to the lighter side as I went in.

Communion

Tonight was I think the most meaningful, beautiful, moving celebration of the Lord's Supper I have ever been a part of.
This was the first time that I know of that Victory Rd. has had the Lord's Supper on a Wednesday night. Usually it's during the night service of the Sunday before Easter Sunday. But this seemed to work well. All Wednesday night classes were canceled, and we all met together in the auditorium.
As they arrived, people greeted each other quietly in the foyer and hallways, and the doors to the auditorium had signs taped to them requesting, "Enter reverently with prayer".

Trissy had gone early to do a Bible study with one of the young girls at the church, so she was already there. When I entered the auditorium after quietly greeting Nicole, Lydia, and a few others standing in the foyer, the lights were dim and those already inside sat silent or talking in whispers. I spotted Trissy and Ava sitting where our family usually sits on Sunday nights, talking quietly, and went to join them. It was almost time to start. Ava left to go sit with Austin and his family, and Dad and Mom came in and sat with Trissy and me. All the over-head lights were off - the only light was from the soft ones on the back wall, a couple up front, and a soft spotlight on the cross-and-dove centerpiece high on the wall above the choir chairs. Bro. Blake's mother was playing the organ; soft, gentle, solemn old hymns like "The Ninety and Nine". The whole room felt so beautiful, so, holy.

Bro. Blake stepped up to the podium and led the congregation in two hymns, "Hallelujah, Christ Arose", and "The Blood Will Never Lose It's Power", with only the organ for accompaniment and his rich baritone for direction. As the last chorus came to an end, Bro. Nick walked up to the platform with his Bible in his hands, and Bro. Blake handed him the microphone and went to sit with his family.

Bro. Nick read clearly and simply the account of the Last Supper from Matthew 26:17-29. When he reached verse 29, I noticed something I don't think I ever had before. Jesus says, "But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."
Until I drink it new, with you. He's waiting for us. Christ, the son of God, is keeping Himself from enjoying the complete pleasures of His Father's kingdom, until we who are His adopted brothers and sisters are there to enjoy it too. Wow.

When Bro. Nick finished reading, Bro. Dennis sang "When He Was On The Cross, I Was On His Mind". So thankful to hear that voice again. So thankful for hope for the future.

Bro. Earl preached a simple sermon and read the apostle Paul's description from 1 Corinthians 11:23-26. He urged us that were followers of Christ to pray silently (while he prayed aloud), confessing any known sin in our lives, and asking the Lord to reveal others we may not have recognized so that we could repent of them also, enabling us to take the Lord's Supper with an examined heart and a clean conscience.

After he prayed an earnest, humble prayer, he asked Bro. Nick and five of the deacons to come to the front to help him pass out the bread and 'wine' (grape juice). The pewter dishes gleamed in the soft light. Bro. Earl handed a plate filled with the tiny pieces of flat bread to Bro. Nick on his right. Bro. Nick turned and gave it to Bro. Blake who in turn handed it to Julia's dad. Then another one for Bro. Blake. Bro. Earl handed one to Lindy's dad on his left, and the 'bucket brigade'-style plate-passing was repeated on that side. The four deacons with the four plates of bread then moved throughout the congregation, offering a piece to each member. When all had been served, the deacons walked back to the front and served each other, each man giving the plate to the next man up, and that one holding it for him to take a piece, then passing the plate on, ending with Bro. Earl serving Bro. Nick and Lindy's dad before taking a piece himself.
The process was repeated with the trays filled with the tiny glass cups of grape juice.
I was struck with the beauty of the ceremony and order of the process.

It has always been a solemn thing, the Lord's Supper. Something I don't believe I've ever taken lightly since I've been old enough to understand. Certainly not since I received Christ and have been part of one of these services myself.
But this time, I seemed to feel the wonderful, terrible, incredible significance in a way I never remember before. Hearing again the story of the first one, the "Last Supper" - the last Passover Jesus celebrated with His disciples. The overwhelming sadness that must have threatened to consume Him, as the time to leave got closer. The pure aloneness He must have felt, knowing all would desert Him. Knowing He must face this - the most terrible horrors any human on earth had or has ever come to - alone.
Alone.

Julia's dad, as one of the deacons, held out the plate of unleavened bread. I took one of the tiny pieces and held it as Bro. Earl prayed.
Jesus' words, 'This is My body, broken for you...' The disciples must not have understood that night. Did they? They must not have. It surely would have torn them from the inside out, if they'd known...
The crisp crunch of the plain, unleavened bread.

Julia's dad came back, this time with the tray of juice.
As I sat looking into the rich purple color of that tiny glass of grape juice, tears came to my eyes. 'This is My blood, shed for you... My blood... My blood...'
The life of the flesh is in the blood. He literally gave His life - for me. For whoever would choose to accept His gift.
Of course this was only juice here, but the significance was so terribly and wonderfully real to me that from sheer sympathy I didn't think I would be able to drink it. How He suffered! And we have no idea really.
Bro. Earl prayed again, but when he finished, I really hesitated to drink my juice. Then Jesus's command to the disciples spoke in my head, "Drink ye all of it;" and I did.
The sweet, spicy tang of the purple grape juice, then soft chinks all across the room as people slid their tiny empty glasses into the wooden holders on the backs of the pews in front of them.

Reminding us that Jesus and His disciples sang a hymn when they left their Passover meal, Bro. Earl nodded to Bro. Blake, whose his rich baritone solemnly but joyfully began the first verse of "Amazing Grace" as he began walking down the center isle and out of the auditorium. We all stood and followed, singing.

We left the building quietly, smiling at each other without speaking, and most continued on to their cars and left, taking the lovely solemn experience home to savor.

But a few stayed in little knots of people to chat a few minutes, standing around in the parking lot. Aron's cousin was behind Trissy and me as we exited the church building, and greeted us sweetly when we got out front. Her husband had been invited to preach at another church Sunday night, so we asked how that had gone. Lindy, and then Ava, came and joined our little group, and we stood talking amiably about random little things, like friends do. Toby had had surgery the day before, on one of his knees he'd injured playing basketball. Lindy said he was in quite a bit of pain and acting pretty grumpy unless someone was hugging him. We talked about hugs, how some people are 'huggy' people and some are not, about cats and kittens and Ava said Austin said she could have two of ours if Maggie has kittens, as long as they stayed outside. We talked about the weather, how it keeps getting hot, then chilly again. Ava was wearing leather flip-flops and her feet were cold. About that time, Austin came out of the church where he'd been helping lock up and, after a little more discussion on being cold and how to avoid it, they left to go get supper. As they walked off, I thought of something. I ran to catch up, and when I did, told Ava she should 'borrow' his corn bag when she was cold. She turned to Austin. 'Corn bag! You have a corn bag?!'
'Oh yeah! I do!' and Austin was telling her the story as they left.

I returned to our little group. Aron's cousin had left by this time, and the parking lot was practically empty. Trissy and I visited with Lindy a couple more minutes before saying good-bye with light and happy hearts.

The whole evening was such a wonderful, special experience.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

After church this evening, I walked across the street to the gym to find Ava. She and Austin were supposed to be cooking for our college meal tonight, but I'd gotten a message from Henley saying it was canceled. I just wanted to check with Ava and see if they'd already made something, and if we were going to have it anyway.

As I crossed the street from the church building to the gym building, my 'brown-eyed boy' was walking across also from farther up, headed to where his car was parked beside the gym building. Our triangle converged near his car, and after exchanging greetings, I asked him if he'd had a good time at our small town's yearly Old Days celebration. By this time he'd reached his car and I was almost to the gym door - the one with the new keypad lock on it. He stood at the driver's side door looking puzzled a minute, then exclaimed, 'Oh yeah! You were there! I was trying to think how you knew about it.'
I smiled.
He said it'd been okay; he worked the booth for the local gym because several of the employees that were supposed to run it couldn't be there. I ask him if they'd paid him and he said they had. I grinned, 'Well, that's something then!'
'Oh yeah, sure!', he agreed heartily.
I turned and punched in the code and opened the door. 'Yeah, and when did that happen? I feel like I've been sort of out of it with stuff around here.' He nodded towards the keypad on the door, leaving his car and following me into the gym.
'A couple of weeks ago,' I answered. We walked together across the big basketball court, dodging third-graders rip-sticking and playing basketball now that their class was out.
'I don't feel like I've been here in so long. I mean, I've been up there,' he motioned with his head back towards the church building, 'but not over here.'
'Have they been working you alot on Wednesday nights?' I asked sympathetically. I didn't want to seem like I was fussing at him for not being there - but I wanted him to know we'd missed him.
'Yeah,' he shook his head slightly and watched the floor as he walked. 'Alot of other people had already asked for Wednesday nights off.' His head came up, he straightened his shoulders, and his voice took on a determined note. 'But I told them I was not working on Sundays!'
I grinned. 'Good for you!' I exclaimed, proud of him, knowing how hard life is right now for him, wanting so much for Good to win the struggle, and thankful that he seemingly desires to do what's right.

We reached the classroom that contains the stairwell that leads up to the youth room. Ava, Joy, and Piper were coming out, and Ava and I met in the doorway. Joy and Piper came on through and into the gym, and out the nearest outside door. My 'brown-eyed boy' continued on into the room when I stopped to talk to Ava, then soon excused himself as he passed between us back out the door, back into the gym and, I assume, out of the gym and into his car and left. I didn't really notice it until later, when I was thinking over the day, and realized he must have come into the gym building at all only because I was talking to him. And when I started talking to Ava, he left. I hope he didn't feel like I was rude to him!
Poor dear boy. All my poor dear boys! And girls! The world is such a horrible place for a Christian teenager to try to grow up in! Like flowers trying to grow in the desert. Oh the struggles, even if there are kind gardeners who tend and water the fragile plants! And if there are none... it's that much more difficult. Only the fact that their God controls the weather allows these flowers to survive, grow, and even, Lord willing, flourish in this hostile place.

Ava had gotten Henley's message about supper being canceled before she started cooking for it, so we would just go ahead and call it off completely.
We stood and chatted for a few minutes. She and Austin had gone up to go to church with Archer this morning. She said it was different - more geared to the college-age population that dominates that college town. She said it was nice and she enjoyed the service, but the way she carefully chose her wording, and her politely positive tone, made me think maybe she hadn't thought it was quite as amazing as Archer seems to feel like it is. Sweet, considerate Ava!
Switching 'gears', the youth class is starting a small-group discipleship-type study using Francis Chan's book, "Multiply" as their curriculum on Sunday nights. Tonight was the first week, and Ava is a small-group leader. She really seemed excited about that; she said Piper and Joy are the two girls in her group!

After talking with Ava, I went on out the gym door, and Piper and Abigail were standing under the over-hang, waiting, I suppose, for Law to come downstairs to take them home. I stopped to talk to them a few minutes, and sweet Piper threw her arms around me impulsively. There are different kinds of hugs. It is not uncommon for Piper and me to give each other what I mentally call 'greeting hugs' - when you meet a friend, and you're like, "Oh hey so-and-so!" and you give them a friendly hug. But there's also what I call a 'speechless hug' - where your heart is so full, and you want the person to know that you care about them and love them, but you don't know what to say. So you hug them, tight, without saying anything, and don't hurry to let go. Now, this is just my 'take' on hugs, but I theorize that it's probably similar for other people too. And if that's the case, Piper gave me a 'speechless hug' then, though I didn't really think about it until later. But she's not really a 'huggy' person, and I wonder what she had on her heart to make her give me one like that.
We stood and chatted for a few more minutes until Law came down and they loaded up in Law's Explorer.

Julia and Toby's cousin (who is here visiting for a few days) came down about the same time, and I talked to them a minute. Autumn had surgery on her wrist this past week, and wasn't there. She and Julia are best friends and I asked Julia how she was. That led to a brainstorm on Julia and Toby's cousin's part, to go visit Autumn and surprise her. Toby's cousin went with them on the mission trip to Nicaragua last year, and she and Julia and Autumn became great friends. Autumn didn't know she was here.

I left them plotting on how they were going to surprise Autumn, and headed down the sidewalk that goes beside the gym, walking back up to the church building. The S. kids hadn't pulled out yet, and I waved at them as I walked past. Abigail and Law waved back from the front seats.

I walked back up to the church building feeling a mixture of emotions. Concern, happiness, curiosity, and contentment.

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 75

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: Stars

2. Hearing: Justice And Noel Are Staying

3. Smell:

4. Taste: Ava's Red Velvet Cake Balls

5. Touch: Shower Wall

The stories behind the list:

1. When I came in from work Thursday night, I was pretty worn out. But I was still trying to get a bunch of my stuff done around the house that gets put off because of work. I had something that was supposed to go in my car to be taken somewhere, so I hurried outside to put it in my car for the next day. But when I got outside, I stopped hurrying. The stars were amazing. It was a perfectly clear night and I could see them laid out in text-book clarity. The sky was a dark rich blue deepness and the stars were scattered diamonds, shining in the brilliance of something reflecting perfect light. Points of glitter, shining perfection piercing my desperate haste.
Their stunning beauty, and the resulting implication of how incredible their Designer has to be, brought back the words of a dear young friend: 'Hey, the stars are powerful!"

2. For this story, see the 'Sunday night edit' towards the end of this post.

3.

4. Sweet Ava is desperately wanting to learn how to cook. Especially since her husband knows more than she does in that department, and she wants to be the one to cook for him, not the other way around :) . She is branching out and trying new things along. She gets alot of ideas and recipes from the internet, especially Pinterest. Last week she made some red velvet cake balls. She was so proud of herself and when Trissy and I stopped by their house one evening for something, she insisted on sending some home with us! I'm really trying to eat less dessert, so I didn't try them for a few days, but when I did, I wanted to 'ration' them and make them last as long as possible - they were so yummy!

5. In December, our college group decided to suspend our Thursday Night College Bible Study until the new year, with how busy everyone was for the holidays and all. I thought to myself then, 'If we quit now, we're liable not to start back.'
And we haven't.
This Thursday night I was feeling probably the 'down-est' I've felt about it since we unofficially quit. Things have slowed back down now, and there's a Thursday evening gap in my life now that used to be filled with friends, Christian fellowship, discussion, ideas, challenges, encouragement, exhortation, fun, and Bible study. Not that those things don't exist other places as well... it's just that, those times were something extra special. Memories, priceless lessons, and I hate to know they're gone.
I felt so exhausted as I got ready for bed. Not just physically, but, it seemed like my very soul was just tired. In the shower, I leaned against the wall and prayed. And in the warm water and the solid, smooth shower wall, I felt like the Lord was sending me comfort and strength. Weird maybe, but I believe He uses little things like that.

Sunday, Mar. 3, 2013

I miss Archer. It's just that simple. I miss him alot.
Every Sunday I think it will be okay, that all the other wonderful people the Lord has blessed me with at Victory Rd. will fill my heart and thoughts.
I try not to talk about it much. I don't want people to misunderstand and get the wrong idea about how I feel about him. But my college friends at Victory Rd. are like family to me - almost literally. I've never had such a large set of close, wonderful friends my own age like I have had the past four years in this group. I've always wished I had more brothers and sisters, especially brothers, and especially brothers my age, or older. This group has done much to fill that void. I love all the guys. Each one holds a special unique place in my heart. But Archer and Austin are different somehow. I don't love them more than I love the others, but I love them differently. I feel toward them like I always imagined I'd feel towards my real brother if I had one. Of all the guys, these two are closest to being my 'brothers'.
So, I miss my brother. It's similar to how I felt 2009-2010 when Austin was gone on that almost-a-year-long mission trip to a country hostile to the Gospel. But, he was gone on a mission trip, which made it more bearable. And the plan was for him to be back in a few months. We e-mailed him back and forth all the time. And we Skyped him nearly every Sunday morning before church. When he came back, things fell back into the old comfortable familiarity, and life felt 'right' again.
Archer's just gone.

This morning was really good and really hard, both. Austin played acoustic guitar for the music service, and it was bringing back memories of the couple of months last year (or was it the year before?) when he was playing acoustic and Archer played bass. But no one could ever hear the bass, and Archer wouldn't turn it up or play louder, so finally Bro. Dennis recruited Law to play bass, put Archer on acoustic, and Austin on electric. Perfect. Bro. Dennis even said, 'Why haven't we done this before?'
But then those thoughts also brought back the pain of the fact that Bro. Dennis isn't the music minister anymore. And one of the songs we sang this morning was one Mrs. Renae always sang so wonderfully. I was in the choir of course, and it was so hard to get through that one.
And after church I heard someone discussing the progress of the fix-up work on the house Bro. Mike's family lived in, in preparation for Bro. Nick and Lydia and their family to move in.

Victory Rd.'s face is changing. Trent, one of the younger boys in the youth group, plays acoustic guitar with us on Wednesday nights in Archer's place. He's a nice kid, and a talented guitarist. Bro. Nick's family is settling in and becoming a part of us. In preparation for moving on to wherever the Lord will have him and Noel go, Justice stepped down as teacher of our college Sunday School class, it was put on hold until a new teacher could be found, and the members have scattered into other classes for the time being. In fact, our first Sunday to go to different classes was Bro. Mike's family's and Archer's last one at Victory Rd (Jan. 13).

So my little corner of the world at Victory Rd. now looks very different from what it did a year ago - that time being a sample of what I consider some of the best, most wonderful, and most 'growing' times of my life.
And gradually, I think I'm painfully getting used to it. But it almost seems like getting used to an amputation. I've never had an amputation, and I in no way pretend to understand that actual, physical type of pain. Yet, I almost feel like I've gone through something similar. I keep functioning, but parts of my life are gone. The scar is healing over, but there are blank empty spots where vital parts used to be, and sometimes I find myself cruelly and suddenly re-awakened to the fact that they aren't there anymore. Like that song Mrs. Renae used to sing. It was so unexpected, and I nearly lost control of my emotions, right there in the choir in front of everybody. Or seeing Austin playing his heart out and looking over, and there being only an empty space of carpet where Archer used to stand and do the same. Or asking Bro. Dennis a question and, in his answer, realizing I hadn't heard his voice speaking directly to me in literally months, when I used to be the constant brunt of his good-natured wit and jokes. Or hearing someone say something mildly critical of Bro. Mike's family, and thinking how unfair and inconsiderate it was.

And yet life moves on anyway, and there are good things happening too.
1) Aron's cousin's husband recently realized he feels like the Lord is leading him to preach, and Bro. Earl had him preach the morning sermon today. He spoke on leadership, the Old-Testament transition from Elijah to Elisha, and did very well for his first sermon!
2) Law is constantly surprising me with how he is growing in his Christian walk. It's almost as if, around the first of the year, a switch was flipped, and since then it's been slow, steady, constant progress. Watching his attitude and peace and growth has been the single greatest encouragement to me during these recent hard times of change. Oh how I praise the Lord! I think I understand a little of how the apostle John felt when he wrote, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4) Oh how thankful! Oh how thankful I am!!
3) There are four babies being added to the church in the fall, three of them coming to families among our college group. Aron and Henley, Aron's cousin and her husband, and Justice and Noel. Praise the Lord!
4) My JV kids on Wednesday nights are such a blessing. Some are just silly and don't seem to care really. Yet I'm glad they are at church instead of off getting into mischief. Many of them though, truly seem to desire to learn and grow more. As time has come along, my thought of, "What am I doing here?!" at the first of the school year when the class started, has changed to, "These kids have so much potential - Lord, help me help them!" The questions they ask, the things they remember, their searching longing, and the discussions we have during small-group time, and Ava and Ashlyn's support as my 'assistant group leaders' have been such blessings.
5) I'm enjoying my Wednesday-afternoon weekly discipleship sessions with Joy so much. She is such a sweet girl with so much potential. We've only had three so far (we missed one week since we started), but I have great hopes for the future. How I pray that the Lord would use these times to grow us both!
6) Tuesday night music practices are again one of the highlights of my week. No, Archer is not there anymore, but the others still are, and the young man who has taken his place is willing, talented, good-natured, and brings his own unique 'flavor' to the group. I try not to think of him as 'Archer's replacement' (just as I try not to think of Bro. Nick's family as 'Bro. Mike's family's replacement'), but as himself. When I do that, I really enjoy the new dynamics. The way some of the other members of the group have pulled together, stepped up, taken up the slack, and bravely kept on and not given up has been such a blessing and encouragement. Things threatened to fall apart there for a couple of weeks - I mean, Archer was our leader! - but various members have shifted responsibilities so they could take a little of his, we've 'kept our chin up', so to speak, and I think we're settling in to a 'new normal'.
7) And all the dear people who have not left. My merciful heavenly Friend has seen fit to leave to me so many of my precious earthly friends. Justice and Noel are still here, for the time being - they feel the Lord may soon be directing them to a different place of service. Austin and Ava are still here, for the time being - Austin is seeking a full-time music ministry position. Toby and Lindy are still here, for the time being - after their wedding this summer, they will probably end up as missionaries in a Latin country; a mutual love for missions and Spanish-speaking people are probably their biggest passions. Aron and Henley and little Timothy are still here. Aron's cousin and her family. Autumn, Julia and her parents, Law, Abigail, Piper, and Bro. and Mrs. S., Nicole and her husband and parents and little brother, Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen, my 'brown-eyed boy', Simon, Joy, and their parents, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and little Maxwell, and so many others.

"There will always be someone..."

~

Sunday night edit: So, at our Sunday night college supper after church, Justice told us that he and Noel are going to be sticking around for a while. The Sunday School class is going to start up again, and he's going to teach it. He (and Noel said the same thing later) said that it just seems like the Lord keeps closing doors that they thought they might be supposed to go through, and so they'll just stay on here until they feel they have a clear calling to go somewhere else. They're planning to buy a house, and he's planning on finishing up school.
So, we get to keep them a little longer.
Wow. Oh how thankful I am! My Lord is so merciful!

After everyone else had left (the supper was held in the church's fellowship hall this week), it was just Aron and Henley, Toby and Lindy, and Trissy and me left, and we had a good conversation standing, 'on our way out the door', for about half an hour. We talked about the difficulties of trying to sell hand-made crafts in this area, mission trip preparations, concern over Randy, who seems to be going through a strange rough spell, missing Bro. Dennis teaching our college Sunday School class, gladness that Justice is planning to start it back up again, missing Bro. Mike, etc.

It had been Trissy's and my turn to cook, and as we were all getting ready to leave, Aron told Trissy he would take our big tote basket full of food and dishes out to my car for us. I already had it, but must have missed his offer - I'd just remembered we needed to turn off the lights before we left - and hurriedly swung back around to go flip the switch in the hallway. Aron grabbed my jacket sleeve to slow me down as Trissy called to get my attention. As I laughingly handed the big basket over, Aron grinned and said, "Kyrie, you have two speeds: 'fast' and 'wide open'!"

I love my friends so much! It was a hard day, but the Lord blessed me with this nice evening - I'm so thankful for His kindness.

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 72

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: Mrs. S.'s Compassionate Joy

2. Hearing:

3. Smell: White Dial Bar Soap

4. Taste: Tear Bread

5. Touch: Making Austin And Ava's Curtains

The stories behind the list:

1. Mom's sister who lives a couple of states away, was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago and recently had a difficult surgery to remove it. We were all praying that she would not need chemo or radiation after the surgery, but that would depend on what stage it was at. Mrs. S., with her big heart and incredible compassion, was as concerned as if she knew my aunt herself. She kept up with the situation through Mom.
When the results came back that the cancer was at stage one, and my aunt would not need chemo, we were so thankful! Wednesday after we'd found out, Mrs. S. asked me at church if they'd heard back yet. When I told her the news, her wonderful pleasant face lit up, and she clasped her hands together in pure joy. From her reaction, you could have thought it was her own sister.

2.

3. We buy the Dial brand of white bar soap for our baths and showers. The other night I was using it and put up my hands to my face, and the smell of it was like the smell of being in the mountains in the winter time. Cool and fresh and clean and lovely. The smell of bright green and fresh snow.

4. Mom has a home-made bread recipe she got from one of my cousins, and in the last couple of weeks we've gotten it out and made several batches of this quick, easy and wonderfully delicious bread. And for me (who don't like to cook) to admit that it's quick and easy, that's saying something! Here's the recipe if you'd like to try it yourself:

Tear Bread

1 1/2 cups warm water
1 package dry yeast
2 tablespoons sugar

Put yeast in a small bowl in warm (not hot) water with sugar. Stir and let set for about 10 minutes.
In a mixing bowl, combine:

1 1/2 teaspoons salt
3 tablespoons oil
3 cups all-purpose flour

When the yeast mixture is dissolved, add it to the mixing bowl.
Mix it well. It will be a soft dough. Grease (or spray with "Pam" or something similar) a cookie sheet or baking pan. Dump and immediately press dough out to desired thickness in the pan, and bake at 425 degrees for about 20 minutes or until nice and golden. Put a little oil on your hands before handling dough so that they won't stick.

We love wheat bread at our house, so we usually substitute a cup of the all-purpose flour for a cup of wheat flour (2 cups of white and 1 cup of wheat).

Tear you off a piece, cut that thing open with a little steak knife and slide a pat of butter inside... Whew, there's little better!

5. Austin and Ava are continuing to put the touches on their little house to make it into a home. They went shopping for curtains in January and couldn't find what they wanted. So in the store Austin suggested to Ava, 'Why don't we just buy material and ask Kyrie to make us some?' So that's what they did!
I can't describe the wonderful, warm feeling it gave me that they knew they could ask me to do this for them. That's how I want my friends to be! I want them to be able to count on me. I want them to feel comfortable asking me to help them if I can.
I was so honored to be a part of their lives like this! While I measured, cut, pinned, and sewed (and ripped out and redid at one point!), it warmed my heart every time I'd think, "I'm making these curtains for Austin and Ava - and they asked me to!"

A Super 'Superbowl' Sunday

This past Sunday was probably the most enjoyable one I've had in several months. After all I've struggled with the past few months, it was just a really good day. The hardest part was the youth music group playing for the music part of the service, and it being the first time for us to play on Sunday without Archer.

The church has been doing a series of 'mission Sundays', highlighting different countries Victory Rd. members have taken mission trips to in the past couple of years. This Sunday was Nicaragua, and there was going to be a meal fund-raiser after church for the next Nicaragua trip, coming up this summer. The youth music group led the music service, and Bro. Earl had Bro. Nick preach, since the majority of the church hadn't heard him since he's been here as youth pastor, replacing Bro. Mike. There was a little pain there too, though, thinking of Bro. Mike's family being 'replaced'. But I try not to let myself think about that, and in that way especially. Bro. Nick and his wife, Lydia, and two little girls are such a sweet young family and have seemed to fit right in. He and Lydia are about Austin's age actually, so they have almost seemed to form a link, blending us who used to be the 'college group' (but are fast growing too old to be 'college' anymore) into the positions and roles in the church usually thought of as adult ones, that we have been trying to help fill.

Anyway, since it was going to be a somewhat irregular Sunday, with a meal after the morning service and our 'evening' service being moved up to the afternoon right after lunch, I suppose Bro. Earl thought this would be a good time to have Bro. Nick preach in front of the whole church for the first time.
I don't know if he was nervous, or was afraid to go too long, or what, but he preached a very fitting - and very short - sermon. When we went back up onto the platform to play for the closing hymn, Law caught my eye and with an amused quirk at the corners of his mouth whispered, "Ten minutes." So it had been even shorter than I realized! But Bro. Nick had packed alot into that little bit of time, speaking on 'unity in a church', in a serious but compassionate manner.

Lunch afterward in the gym was delicious and enjoyable, and the money raised went to those who hope to go on this summer's mission trip to Nicaragua. Trissy and I sat with Lindy to eat and it was nice to 'catch up' - we seem to be going in different directions alot at church, and she's one of our closest friends. The little visit was nice.
Somehow people seem to gather in random groups along the rows of tables whenever there is a meal. I don't know why, but those who usually hang around each other at other times, seem to break up and branch out and spend time visiting with others, or smaller groups among ourselves, when we eat together. And that seems appropriate somehow, to be building relationships and nourishing our souls as we nourish our bodies.

After the afternoon service, we all dispersed to our respective residences. But there was going to be a 'Superbowl party' for the youth later in the evening. I'm not into football at all myself (I didn't even know when the Superbowl was, much less who was playing, and I didn't care either), but I wanted to go, for the fellowship and friendship with the other people there. Besides, Bro. Nick had asked Trissy and me if we were coming to help with, in his words, "crowd control" :) . At the time, I wondered how many kids he was expecting to show up, and how unruly he was expecting them to be! I hoped our kids would show him that his fears were unfounded.

In the end, basically no one watched the game, which I though was both funny and appropriate; but we had a great time just spending good time together! The 'party' was held in the fellowship hall across the street from the church, attached to the gym. Someone had fixed hotdogs, and everybody that came was asked to bring a snack or desert or something. Austin's aunt was there with her daughter and her daughter's friend (who both come to Victory Rd. alot, and also went with us to Strength To Stand), and she was teaching Ava how to make sausage balls and bread pudding in the kitchen where some of the adults and older youth were gathered talking and snacking.

As people got their hotdogs, they would come and go, sit in the chairs facing the screen that had been hung to project the game onto, or wander around talking to each other, but hardly anyone was actually paying attention to the game.
I sat for a few minutes, but there was no one to talk to near me, so I went back to the kitchen and stood eating and listening to Lydia, Trissy, and Ava discuss the practice of healthy, economical menu and grocery shopping ideas. I watched a couple of different ladies spread more food on the already-crowded cabinet, and chatted with Nicole and her mom.
I noticed some of the young people were beginning to migrate to the gym in the back, so when I finished my hotdog, I wandered back to see what they were doing.
Somebody had gotten the roller skates out of the long wooden foot locker against the wall. A couple of brave beginners were trying their wings as a couple of veterans and daredevils were flying around the big room. There were two or three just wandering around chatting, and a few kids on Rip-Stiks cruising in and out doing circles and figure-eights among the slower ones. It was a fun, energetic, wholesome picture.
For the rest of the evening I pretty much stayed in the gym. And what a wonderful time!

A few of the little individual incidents and special moments:

-Tasting Piper's pumpkin bread/cake and Ava's sausage balls (both so yummy!)
-Abigail and another of the teenage girls teasing me that Piper would be offended if I didn't take one of her brownies too
-Getting used to roller skates again (instead of roller blades)
-Being around, talking to, and building a stronger friendship with Joy
-Law and young Dolan finding a couple of sheets somewhere and tying them on as capes as they whizzed around the gym on roller skates and Rip-Stiks
-People sharing their Rip-Stiks with whoever wanted to ride at the moment
-Nicole's mom roller skating
-Trissy taking pictures for me
-Everyone (who was in the gym at the moment) pausing and gathering for a minute so Lydia could take our picture:

What a crazy bunch :) ! And how I love every one of them!
-Brave Lindsay trying to learn how to roller skate, Law stopping to try to help her, then calling me over, saying, "Kyrie, show Lindsay how to roller skate" when it wasn't working
-Playing ping-pong with Piper, then later Autumn
-Standing with Piper, waiting on Trissy to get her roller skates tied, while Law did figure-eights around us on a Rip-Stik
-Nicole's Southern, 'country' husband learning to Rip-Stik with cowboy boots on - 'I've always done everything else with boots on!'
-Law taking my place at ping-pong with Autumn when I was tired, me teasingly asking if I could give him my paddle and ball and have his Rip-Stick, then correcting myself and saying, 'Well, not have of course, just use' and him responding seriously, 'You can actually take it and keep it at your house - I don't really have anywhere to ride it at mine'. (!) I didn't of course, but it gave me such a good feeling that he would offer.
-Bro. Nick and Lydia's 3-year-old and another little girl sitting side by side on a skateboard by the wall, watching the action and singling Joy out to cheer for, calling, "Go Joy!" at the top of their tiny lungs as she circled the gym on her Rip-Stik
-Various people playing frisbee and basketball among everything else
-The game of Spoons going on in the fellowship hall in the front, with those who weren't in the gym
-Toby and Lindy 'racing' on their Rip-Stiks
-Sweet Piper trying to learn how to Rip-Stik, and me trying to teach her when I was just beginning to get the hang of it myself, running sideways in front of her as she held my hands for balance saying, "You better not let go Kyrie!"
-Playing ping-pong with my 'brown-eyed boy', then with Abigail as the evening went on and most of the younger teenagers had gone
-Trissy and Lydia calmly sitting and talking in chairs against the wall; easy-going, fun-loving Lydia with her baby in her arms and her foot propped on a skateboard
-Piper bringing Abigail and me each a glass of water as we played our game of ping-pong
-The fun still going on (though at a slower pace) as Trissy and I said goodnight and headed for our house

Recent Happenings No. 4

Randomness. Mmhmm, that's me. Squirrel!
This post is the past month in a nutshell. More detailed posts on each event will (hopefully; eventually) come. But until I get time ("time"? What is that again?) to do the type of more detailed posts I want, this will suffice to keep anyone interested at least somewhat up-to-date on my life of late. And boy, it's seemed like a lifetime in a month...


January began with a bang and never seemed to slow down. The sixth through the tenth, Trissy and I were gone on a church mission/service trip to a neighboring state, to do manual labor at a children's home and ranch. Victory Rd. took a group last January, and we went, and I knew I wanted to go back. The group this year consisted of the three youngest S. kids (Law, Abigail, and Piper), Joy, Autumn, Trissy and me, and four other men and women of the church. Landon met us there for part of the time, and it was so good to spend some time with him! Oliver and his wife were on a trip, so we didn't see them this time.
We helped rip up flooring in two of the houses/doorms, we moved furniture and other belongings - from the houses that were going to be renovated, into the new houses - we did a thorough 'spring cleaning' job, etc. But there was relaxing time also, in the early mornings, on breaks, and in the evenings at the cabin. Pumpkin spice muffins, Mtn. Dew, endless games of "Egyptian Rat Race" and "Taboo" (with our own adjusted rules to fit our mood and number of players :) ), times of S.O.A.P. journaling and sharing, and lots of just talking and enjoying each other's company.
It was the first trip without Bro. Mike. And it was different.
Randomness and other lessons to remember from this trip:
1. Overhearing the 'Only-Christian-music-for-30-days-challenge' discussion on the Sunday afternoon ride over - what a blessing!
2. Games with Trissy, Joy, Abigail, and Piper, and Abigail and Piper doing "John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-Smith" (song and 'introduction') on the trip over.
3. Epic Taboo games Monday night, including a sibling-set against sibling-set (Law and Piper vs. Trissy and me), with the others coming and going.
4. Personal thought, "I hate it when I let other people throw me into inner turmoil. Christ is all that matters. Why can’t I be content?!"
5. "I feel like pulling stuff up and stomping on things." -Piper, expressing her enthusiasm about our demolition work Tuesday.
6. Going to church Wednesday night where Landon attends. Encouraging, old-fashioned sermon where the preacher used alot of scripture and didn't apologize about having his audience use their Bibles so much.
7. Personal thought, "You haven't got to follow the crowd. Make up your OWN mind."
8. Personal thought, "That great moment when God shows you how He's been working in the life of someone you've been praying for - indescribable."
9. Joy, Abigail, Piper, Trissy and me and our late-night hilarious game of Taboo while Joy was giving hair-curls.
10. "Look at that lil' baby foot!" -Law, on Autumn's fist 'footprint' in the condensation on the bus window.
11. Sitting curled up on the couch in front of the fire with Piper and Trissy and Joy, telling each other random things and stories about ourselves.
12. The "I'm Thinking Of A Man/Woman/Place In The Bible" game on the way back Thursday.


After getting back into town Thursday evening from the mission trip, I left about noon Friday going with the youth music group to a near-by state to play for a week-end camp sponsored by the church The Grandparents are part of. Justice went as our driver, since he was on the insurance to drive Victory Rd.'s 15-passenger bus, and simply because anything Austin and Archer are part of just isn't complete without Justice :) . Justice, Archer, Julia, Simon and I went on the bus, pulling the trailer with all the instruments and equipment about noon. Austin and Law couldn't get off work until about 3:00, so they were going to come together when they got off. Ava and Noel went also, since their husbands were going :) , but Ava didn't get off work until later in the evening, so Noel stayed in town and rode with her so she wouldn't be driving alone.

It was a really great week-end. Opportunities to share times of praise with other believers, encourage those listening, and be encouraged ourselves by the warmth and enthusiasm of our audience. Times of bonding - the eight of us. Bitter-sweet times - knowing this was Archer's last 'act of leadership' as head of the group, knowing Justice and Noel are looking for the Lord's next place of service for them and may be moving on soon as well. Times of fun - pretend 'zombie' invasions and escapes, music practice and practice and practice, 'the girls' (Noel and Ava) hunting up a gas station to sooth the boys' Mtn. Dew withdrawals and my longing for something healthy to eat, Simon and Law's (and Justice's) bunk-room acrobatics during free time while the rest of us tried to catch up on some much-needed rest, supper at 'Maria's' Mexican restaurant (that took longer to be served than to eat) and mean jokes (meant more to tease me and raise my protest than anything else) on the way back Saturday night. Precious, priceless, blessed memories.


The next day, Sunday, was Bro. Mike and his family's last Sunday at Victory Rd. before leaving as missionaries to the Philippines, and he'd asked that our group do the music service so he could see and hear us one last time. It would actually be the whole church's last time to witness our group lead the music - Archer would be moving the next day to the university. Dear Austin's charge to us as we gathered to pray before the service began: "Let's play our hearts out. This is for Bro. Mike and for Archer." And we did. For our God - Who is our Reason for everything - for our youth pastor - who had poured his spirit into loving and guiding us - and for our friend - our brother.

I don't think I'll ever forget this weekend. One of the most bitter-sweet of my life. I pray I won't.


The next Wednesday night was my turn to teach the lesson with the middle-schoolers. And Bro. Mike's family's last day here. Lots of church folks hung around after the classes were over, exchanging last-minute conversations and telling them good-bye. Trissy and I went next door to their house and visited a while after everyone else had left. They would be going to the airport about 2:00 A.M., so were not planning on going to bed, and it was just so hard to finally say good-bye. I wouldn't let myself think about it being any other than a normal Wednesday night 'bye until after we left.
Separations are hard, but I'm thankful too - I know both Bro. Mike and his wife have been wanting to do mission work, and now the Lord has opened up the way for them to, and for Camille to go with them. That's a whole nother amazing story!
I'm looking forward to hearing about the adventures this new chapter holds for their lives.


Friday (the 18th), two days later, Victory Rd.'s youth group (including Trissy and me) went to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee for the Strength To Stand week-end youth conference. I must admit, by this time I was so tired both in body and in mind that I almost didn't want to go. I had looked forward to it for months, but then found out that several of our college group and closest friends (not to mention Bro. Mike) weren't going to get to go. And with all the good-byes I'd been having to say the past few weeks, I almost had a "What's the point?" mentality. Which is not like me. I don't 'give up', and I hate defeat. I'm telling you, I was just worn out. And it was catching up with me. But then a thought came to mind: Why was I going on this trip in the first place? Was it because I wanted to be close to people, or because I wanted to grow closer to the Lord? Got my attention and kinda helped put things in perspective. Then the day we left, I saw something that one of the teenagers had written concerning their feelings about the trip: 'About to head out to Tennessee... don't want to go. But, I might as well go with an open heart.' I don't know why they didn't want to go, but what a great attitude! I was so encouraged, and resolved to go with my heart open to what the Lord might do in and for me on the trip.
I was not disappointed. In fact, I fell in love all over again with the pure goodness of God. Three sound, timely sermons from thought-provoking preachers; music - some of which I didn't care for - but plenty that lifted me up and carried me away with it's beauty and spiritual richness; fun and joking and camaraderie I enjoyed with a variety of the members of the group; Bro. Nick, the new youth pastor, bravely and successfully learning to captain the 'youth group ship' through the unpredictable waves of our crazy personalities; wholesome mixture of friendships and interaction between older youth and younger youth, adults and youth, newcomers and established 'regulars', etc.; merry chaos as the sounds and activities of almost 40 people filled the cabin we stayed in, and peaceful quiet (in which you could hear the clock ticking on the mantle) as those same nearly 40 people spent personal time in Bible study and prayer.


So, that's January in a nutshell. I have one more thing to tell about that would still be "this past month", though it was yesterday, the 3rd of February. But it's late and I'm in the living room typing and my mom will be up in a few minutes wondering why on earth I'm not in bed yet :) . So I'll save it for later. I'll end with a small thing that provoked big thoughts for me today.


I'm reading Jules Verne's "20,000 Leagues Under The Sea" for the first time. With my love of adventure and reading, especially the good old 'classics', you'd think I'd have read that one by now. But I recently 'discovered' the little library at VRCA and have started taking advantage of it. I just finished chapter 20 - "The Gulf Stream" - and the account of the cyclone. As I put the book down, I thought about "storms", both physical and spiritual. At times, I've found myself subconsciously wishing I could know how my strength would hold up during a real storm. One must be careful what one wishes for, even subconsciously. This past summer (the pain of Mrs. Renae's family leaving Victory Rd. and the withdrawal, so to speak, of Bro. Dennis's family), and this past month (the departure of Bro. Mike's family and of Archer, and the possibility of Justice and Noel, and Austin and Ava moving on also) seemed almost to have been samples - tests of strength the Lord allowed to give me an idea; to try my courage. I was/have been appalled at my lack of resilience in the face of these losses. If it hadn't been for the presence and encouragement of others, would I have held up at all? All these thoughts passed through my head in only a moment, but as I asked this last question, immediately in response came a quiet Whisper in my heart, "Don't worry about that 'what if'. There will always be someone...something. I will never leave you alone." And right away a verse came to mind from Psalm 34 that I'd randomly read this morning: "Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all."

SOLI DEO GLORIA!