Sunday, Mar. 3, 2013

I miss Archer. It's just that simple. I miss him alot.
Every Sunday I think it will be okay, that all the other wonderful people the Lord has blessed me with at Victory Rd. will fill my heart and thoughts.
I try not to talk about it much. I don't want people to misunderstand and get the wrong idea about how I feel about him. But my college friends at Victory Rd. are like family to me - almost literally. I've never had such a large set of close, wonderful friends my own age like I have had the past four years in this group. I've always wished I had more brothers and sisters, especially brothers, and especially brothers my age, or older. This group has done much to fill that void. I love all the guys. Each one holds a special unique place in my heart. But Archer and Austin are different somehow. I don't love them more than I love the others, but I love them differently. I feel toward them like I always imagined I'd feel towards my real brother if I had one. Of all the guys, these two are closest to being my 'brothers'.
So, I miss my brother. It's similar to how I felt 2009-2010 when Austin was gone on that almost-a-year-long mission trip to a country hostile to the Gospel. But, he was gone on a mission trip, which made it more bearable. And the plan was for him to be back in a few months. We e-mailed him back and forth all the time. And we Skyped him nearly every Sunday morning before church. When he came back, things fell back into the old comfortable familiarity, and life felt 'right' again.
Archer's just gone.

This morning was really good and really hard, both. Austin played acoustic guitar for the music service, and it was bringing back memories of the couple of months last year (or was it the year before?) when he was playing acoustic and Archer played bass. But no one could ever hear the bass, and Archer wouldn't turn it up or play louder, so finally Bro. Dennis recruited Law to play bass, put Archer on acoustic, and Austin on electric. Perfect. Bro. Dennis even said, 'Why haven't we done this before?'
But then those thoughts also brought back the pain of the fact that Bro. Dennis isn't the music minister anymore. And one of the songs we sang this morning was one Mrs. Renae always sang so wonderfully. I was in the choir of course, and it was so hard to get through that one.
And after church I heard someone discussing the progress of the fix-up work on the house Bro. Mike's family lived in, in preparation for Bro. Nick and Lydia and their family to move in.

Victory Rd.'s face is changing. Trent, one of the younger boys in the youth group, plays acoustic guitar with us on Wednesday nights in Archer's place. He's a nice kid, and a talented guitarist. Bro. Nick's family is settling in and becoming a part of us. In preparation for moving on to wherever the Lord will have him and Noel go, Justice stepped down as teacher of our college Sunday School class, it was put on hold until a new teacher could be found, and the members have scattered into other classes for the time being. In fact, our first Sunday to go to different classes was Bro. Mike's family's and Archer's last one at Victory Rd (Jan. 13).

So my little corner of the world at Victory Rd. now looks very different from what it did a year ago - that time being a sample of what I consider some of the best, most wonderful, and most 'growing' times of my life.
And gradually, I think I'm painfully getting used to it. But it almost seems like getting used to an amputation. I've never had an amputation, and I in no way pretend to understand that actual, physical type of pain. Yet, I almost feel like I've gone through something similar. I keep functioning, but parts of my life are gone. The scar is healing over, but there are blank empty spots where vital parts used to be, and sometimes I find myself cruelly and suddenly re-awakened to the fact that they aren't there anymore. Like that song Mrs. Renae used to sing. It was so unexpected, and I nearly lost control of my emotions, right there in the choir in front of everybody. Or seeing Austin playing his heart out and looking over, and there being only an empty space of carpet where Archer used to stand and do the same. Or asking Bro. Dennis a question and, in his answer, realizing I hadn't heard his voice speaking directly to me in literally months, when I used to be the constant brunt of his good-natured wit and jokes. Or hearing someone say something mildly critical of Bro. Mike's family, and thinking how unfair and inconsiderate it was.

And yet life moves on anyway, and there are good things happening too.
1) Aron's cousin's husband recently realized he feels like the Lord is leading him to preach, and Bro. Earl had him preach the morning sermon today. He spoke on leadership, the Old-Testament transition from Elijah to Elisha, and did very well for his first sermon!
2) Law is constantly surprising me with how he is growing in his Christian walk. It's almost as if, around the first of the year, a switch was flipped, and since then it's been slow, steady, constant progress. Watching his attitude and peace and growth has been the single greatest encouragement to me during these recent hard times of change. Oh how I praise the Lord! I think I understand a little of how the apostle John felt when he wrote, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4) Oh how thankful! Oh how thankful I am!!
3) There are four babies being added to the church in the fall, three of them coming to families among our college group. Aron and Henley, Aron's cousin and her husband, and Justice and Noel. Praise the Lord!
4) My JV kids on Wednesday nights are such a blessing. Some are just silly and don't seem to care really. Yet I'm glad they are at church instead of off getting into mischief. Many of them though, truly seem to desire to learn and grow more. As time has come along, my thought of, "What am I doing here?!" at the first of the school year when the class started, has changed to, "These kids have so much potential - Lord, help me help them!" The questions they ask, the things they remember, their searching longing, and the discussions we have during small-group time, and Ava and Ashlyn's support as my 'assistant group leaders' have been such blessings.
5) I'm enjoying my Wednesday-afternoon weekly discipleship sessions with Joy so much. She is such a sweet girl with so much potential. We've only had three so far (we missed one week since we started), but I have great hopes for the future. How I pray that the Lord would use these times to grow us both!
6) Tuesday night music practices are again one of the highlights of my week. No, Archer is not there anymore, but the others still are, and the young man who has taken his place is willing, talented, good-natured, and brings his own unique 'flavor' to the group. I try not to think of him as 'Archer's replacement' (just as I try not to think of Bro. Nick's family as 'Bro. Mike's family's replacement'), but as himself. When I do that, I really enjoy the new dynamics. The way some of the other members of the group have pulled together, stepped up, taken up the slack, and bravely kept on and not given up has been such a blessing and encouragement. Things threatened to fall apart there for a couple of weeks - I mean, Archer was our leader! - but various members have shifted responsibilities so they could take a little of his, we've 'kept our chin up', so to speak, and I think we're settling in to a 'new normal'.
7) And all the dear people who have not left. My merciful heavenly Friend has seen fit to leave to me so many of my precious earthly friends. Justice and Noel are still here, for the time being - they feel the Lord may soon be directing them to a different place of service. Austin and Ava are still here, for the time being - Austin is seeking a full-time music ministry position. Toby and Lindy are still here, for the time being - after their wedding this summer, they will probably end up as missionaries in a Latin country; a mutual love for missions and Spanish-speaking people are probably their biggest passions. Aron and Henley and little Timothy are still here. Aron's cousin and her family. Autumn, Julia and her parents, Law, Abigail, Piper, and Bro. and Mrs. S., Nicole and her husband and parents and little brother, Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen, my 'brown-eyed boy', Simon, Joy, and their parents, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and little Maxwell, and so many others.

"There will always be someone..."

~

Sunday night edit: So, at our Sunday night college supper after church, Justice told us that he and Noel are going to be sticking around for a while. The Sunday School class is going to start up again, and he's going to teach it. He (and Noel said the same thing later) said that it just seems like the Lord keeps closing doors that they thought they might be supposed to go through, and so they'll just stay on here until they feel they have a clear calling to go somewhere else. They're planning to buy a house, and he's planning on finishing up school.
So, we get to keep them a little longer.
Wow. Oh how thankful I am! My Lord is so merciful!

After everyone else had left (the supper was held in the church's fellowship hall this week), it was just Aron and Henley, Toby and Lindy, and Trissy and me left, and we had a good conversation standing, 'on our way out the door', for about half an hour. We talked about the difficulties of trying to sell hand-made crafts in this area, mission trip preparations, concern over Randy, who seems to be going through a strange rough spell, missing Bro. Dennis teaching our college Sunday School class, gladness that Justice is planning to start it back up again, missing Bro. Mike, etc.

It had been Trissy's and my turn to cook, and as we were all getting ready to leave, Aron told Trissy he would take our big tote basket full of food and dishes out to my car for us. I already had it, but must have missed his offer - I'd just remembered we needed to turn off the lights before we left - and hurriedly swung back around to go flip the switch in the hallway. Aron grabbed my jacket sleeve to slow me down as Trissy called to get my attention. As I laughingly handed the big basket over, Aron grinned and said, "Kyrie, you have two speeds: 'fast' and 'wide open'!"

I love my friends so much! It was a hard day, but the Lord blessed me with this nice evening - I'm so thankful for His kindness.