Early-Morning Mumblings

 
Can't sleep, it's past 1:00 A.M., so here is a by-no-means-exhaustive 'About Me' list:

{Later Note: I in no way intended this to be a 'rant' post. I was awake in the middle of the night, and for some reason, facts about myself began rolling through my head, and I decided to write them down. Then I decided to share them. Maybe that was a bad idea, maybe not. But let me make the disclaimer that I am human and subject to flaws! In my list, I freely admit some of them. I am certainly not always right; I'm simply stating how I am. I also mention ways that other people bug me. Please just take me at face value, appreciate my decision to be open, and forgive my midnight eccentricities.}

-The warning, "Don't tell me I can't - I will die trying," is very nearly true for me.
-It is extremely difficult for me to walk away from a challenge.

-If someone, something, or some cause I love is disrespected, criticized, misrepresented, or made fun of, I immediately feel an intense anger, closely bordering on hatred, toward the perpetrator.
-I am fiercely loyal. To people I love, and to causes I believe in.
-However, if an idea is proven false, or a cause is proven unworthy, I will not hesitate to abandon it.
-I am a person of extremes or opposites; I am either 'all in', or 'all out', 'black' or 'white'. I have very few 'gray' areas.
-I don't like to clean; I love to organize.
-I am easily overwhelmed by perceived difficulties, yet do not accept (in fact tenaciously resist) defeat. One of my least favorite phrases is, "give up".
-I am an undeniable realist, and an indomitable optimist.
-I am easily injured (even if the inflicted pain was not necessarily intentional), especially by people I love, respect, or trust, but am also tough and largely immune to others' opinions of me (I sincerely do my best to do what is right - I try to please the Lord, not people. In pleasing the Lord, I hope Godly people will also be pleased!).
-I love easily; I do not trust easily.
-Some of the people groups I am most drawn to are teenagers and folks from India, Russia, Scotland, Brazil, and New Zealand.

-I am not always right with first impressions, but not often wrong.
-I love to meet honest eyes, a genuine smile, and a firm handshake.
-Christian families with lots of children make me deeply happy.
-Physically unattractive people who are outgoing and confident dispite their looks (or lack thereof) refresh and encourage me.
-Purity,
beauty,
chivalry,
meaning, and
victory delight and rest me.
-The happiest years of my life (to date) were 2010 and 2011.
-One of my greatest sources of enjoyment is to give a gift, whether a tangible item or a deed, to someone I love or respect that gives them a true blessing and/or real pleasure.

-I am primarily an introvert.
-I need lots of sleep (like, 9-10 hours/night. Yeah. I'm writing at 2:00 A.M. I don't know.) or the next day is a battle to keep the bad headache and the snappy grouch at bay.
-My two greatest fears are betraying another's trust, and receiving physical violence.


-When I am very happy or sad about something, I passionately talk about it/obsess over it for a while, then slowly put it away when I sense that it's beginning to get old for the people around me; but I don't forget it.
When I am a-step-above-very happy or sad about something, or when I am particularly moved or awed, my emotion seems to rise to such a pitch that it cannot be expressed, and so I become extremely calm and my body gets very still and quiet, except maybe for a smile (kindof like a fuse box that is overloaded until it can't take anymore energy, so a breaker flips and the whole chunk just stops, I guess). I never talk about those moments.
-Similarly, I am enthusiastic, passionate, and vocal, but rarely, if ever, reveal the deepest parts of my feelings about the subject.
-Often for me, "a smiling face hides a crying heart".
-I can put on a good bluff, for a while; then there comes a point where the pressure must be released. Yeah... I always hope I'm alone when that happens.

-My word is of extreme importance to me. I will rarely tell someone, "I will..." do something (there are always unforeseen variables that could/might prevent me from keeping my word. Instead, I tell people, "I will try to...," or "I will do my best to...," and then I do.).
-Implications, hints, messages 'between the lines', outright lies, 'beating around the bush', 'grayed', 'stretched', or 'twisted' truth are confusing, discouraging, and angering to me. I am bold (sometimes blunt - a fault that needs softening in me), upfront, and honest, and naively expect others to be as well.
-I try to keep my mouth shut if I'm not invited to open it, but if you ask me what I think, I will tell you; don't ask me for my opinion, unless you want it. 

-I am very practical, literal, and logical; for me, things must have a good reason, a point, a significance, a means to an end, and that end must be worthy of the time, resources, and attention it is getting.
-Surface relationships and/or conversations typically bore and sometimes irritate me (for example, two friends are discussing their favorite animae characters, and I'm thinking, 'How is this going to matter twenty years from now? Five years from now? A week from now? Now?'). Others' obsessions over trivial, petty themes, fads, subjects, or hobbies tends to disgust me to the point of unkindness (another of the many faults I am trying to conquer: insensitivity).
-I am indescribably frustrated by others' holdings to incorrect opinions or beliefs, trivial as well as significant (as varied as 'how a particular word is pronounced', 'what year a certain event happened', 'to what extreme Christians should take modesty', or 'whether Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven'). I have an itching, demanding desire to change their minds; not for the sake of proving I am right, but for their sake of becoming right, and for right's sake of being correctly interpreted. 
-Open, honest, deep, meaningful, respectful discussion or debate excites and fulfills me. Even if neither side is 'won over'; as long as the conversation is for the friendly purpose of sharing ideas and encouraging growth, I find it extremely enjoyable.
-On the other hand, I hate antagonism and confrontation.

-I am infuriated by 'Christians' who aren't (people who claim to know and love Christ but then don't live like it - doing, saying, and thinking deeds, words, and thoughts that either are clearly spoken against by the Bible, or are fundamentally contrary to the principles of true Christianity).  
{Later Note: I'm not hating on anyone. I just ask that, if you are not going to act like a Christian, don't tell anyone you are one - it make's it so much harder for those who are sincerely trying to live what they say they believe about Christianity}.
-Gossip disgusts me.
-Assumption-makers and uninformed critics anger me.

-The foibles that most often irritate me in others are usually strikingly similar to my own biggest faults (disrespect, insensitivity, a quick temper, discontentment/unthankfulness, short-sightedness, trivial pursuits, laziness, selfishness, inconsistence, etc. etc.). With Christ's good help, these are being pointed out to me, and we are working together to eradicate them.

Well, now that that's out of my system somewhat, I'll go back to bed and see if sleep will come. Good night, and

Soli Deo Gloria!

-Kyrie<><

[Mostly] Work-related Relationship Struggles

Well, the first week of school is 'in the books', and with it my first week as VRCA's new secretary. I really enjoyed the work, yet the end of the week has left me feeling hesitant, unsure, and discouraged.

I don't accept praise easily. Something always tells me, "They feel like they have to say that," "They're just being polite," or "They don't really know what they're talking about - even if I did a little 'something' right, I still didn't do good enough".
But criticism (or perceived criticism) soaks me through, even penetrating to the hollow places inside my bones and filling them up - becoming part of who I am.

Condescension is the hardest to deal with. As if I'm too naive, sheltered, inexperienced, immature, out-of-step, or weak to handle [fill in the blank] situation.
If I'm doing something wrong, I'd much rather someone come to me kindly and frankly about it, than bottle up their amusement or frustration and just emit a fake politeness that I can see right through but can't discern the cause of!

A dubious once-over from a few different parents looms up bigger in my memories from the week than the respectful, confident treatment from a couple of others.

The skeptical, silent mannerisms of one or two teachers drowns out the friendly, eager mannerisms of others.

Working in my cubicle and hearing three school officials having a discussion in low voices, and thinking surely they must be discussing my mistakes, shakes and discourages me, in spite of the reassurances they've expressed.

Maybe the parents didn't realize they looked so critical. Maybe they weren't critical!
Maybe the quiet teachers are just naturally undemonstrative and calm. Maybe it has nothing to do with me.
Maybe the three officials were discussing an issue with a student, or a parent, or a teacher, or someone not even connected to the school, and just didn't want any little ears that might be out to catch the confidential things they were consulting about. Maybe my mistakes and slow learning don't bother them at all.

Yet, having grown up in the shadow of others' natural shine, and having always felt that I was a disappointment to certain ones over me, it's hard for me to brush off either real or imagined disdain from others.

So, all in all, and considering other challenges and difficulties of my current life situation, I ended up Friday pretty 'down'.

Last night I sat down and wrote the Lord a letter; just poured out all my struggles and sorrow and bitterness and vulnerability to Him. I've heard that writing is just 'sitting down at a typewriter and bleeding'. It sounds really weird, but I completely understand the analogy. I sat down at the computer and 'bled' in front of my loving, forgiving, understanding, wonderful God. And He came through, just as He always does.

This post is a next-morning view of the situation. I'm still struggling between confidence and insecurity about this new job, and about my relationships with people in general. But things are brighter. And as He's helped me through my life up until this point, so I know He will continue.

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 97

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: Firefly

2. Hearing:

3. Smell: Candles

4. Taste:

5. Touch: Hand Hug

The stories behind the list:

1. During a slow spell at the restaurant, I was leaning on the ledge that goes around the inside of the front service area, looking out the window. When I glanced down, on the outside ledge there was a firefly walking along. I hadn't seen a firefly in such a long time.

2.

3. We have a gas cooking stove, and when the tank gets about empty, you can start to smell gas in the house a little bit. It's not dangerous, but the smell is pretty annoying, and makes Mom feel sick. The tank is getting low again, and there's been a nagging gas smell in the kitchen the past few days. So we lit some candles to help burn the gas smell off, and produce a countering nice candle smell!
I absolutely love the smell of candles. Even if they don't have a scent, the smell of the match after it's blown out, or the burning wick of the candle itself, gives me such a wonderful comfortable feeling. It makes me think of Fall, chilly weather, craft projects or reading inside while it rains outside, pumpkin pie, leaves on the ground, Thanksgiving Day. And then later in the year, scarves and gloves and hats and comfy coats, hot chocolate, Christmas music, Christmas decorations and lights, the central heating turned on in the house, standing over the floor vents warming bare toes, curling up on the couch on chilly mornings with a fleece blanket to read my Bible, Winter, Christmas traditions, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years. Memories, pictures, friends, family, warmth, love, laughter. All this from the smell of a candle being lit. Even in August.

4.

5. My S. ladies came by the restarant early Wednesday morning. Their big silver van was having some work done on it at the shop next door, and they saw my Tilly parked at the restaurant and stopped just to say hello to me! Before they left, Piper reached in through the window and showed me how to give a 'hand hug'.

The Honor And The Dread

I'm in a quandry. I'm both touched, and irritated. Expectant, and dreading. Feeling honored, and feeling disgruntled.

In less than three months, another couple from our wonderful set of church college friends will have 'tied the knot'. Lindy and Toby have their wedding date set for August 10th, and dear Lindy is moving through preparations in between finishing school, plans for starting her new teaching job, summer mission trips, etc. Moving through, as in, calmly stressing out. I know that sounds strange, but that's pretty much how she is! She's not very picky at all, she mainly wants to plan things so that other people involved will enjoy it and be happy. Dear Lindy! So self-deprecating, so strong and yet so sweet and considerate! Last night after church, she was talking to Trissy and me about deciding on bridesmaids dresses, and finally said, 'I don't even really care! I'd like them to be this same color and the skirts basically be the same style and length, but I just want my bridesmaids to wear dresses and stand up there with me!'

Which... leads me to why I'm feeling so... glum.
Wednesday night after church, Lindy asked Trissy and me to be two of her bridesmaids.
Which is a huge honor! But... I don't want to be a bridesmaid! *Big sigh*
I've been so happy how I've been able to 'dodge that bullet' so far. I wasn't in Oliver and his wife's, Justice and Noel's, or Austin and Ava's weddings, but got to be at all of them (two of which were quite a distance away). I was in Aron and Henley's wedding, playing the piano. I was in Nicole and her husband's wedding, playing the piano. I've been at many of my cousin's weddings, but only part of two - once as a photographer and once as a server. All those were fine, all those were great, and even fun! Every time, I've been so happy that no one ever asked me to be a bridesmaid!

Y'all are probably thinking I'm a complete idiot right about now. Yeah, I'm kind of feeling like it too. Sorry. I know I probably sound absolutely ridiculous and silly. I know it's considered a great honor to be asked to be in a wedding. I just. don't. want. to be. a bridesmaid.

I've never been a fancy, frilly, pearls-and-lace kind of person. I have a very down-to-earth, simple, take-me-or-leave-me, slightly vintage, old-fashioned, style. I don't spend much time on my hair. I have about three styles and that's it - pony tail, braid, or messy bun, with a sort of twist thing I do with my bangs to get them off my forehead when it's hot. I don't have pierced ears, I have only two necklaces I sometimes wear, simply as a tribute to the sweet young girl who gave them to me, and I have two rings I wear (a silver purity ring and my graduation ring). I don't like jewelry and pretty much don't wear it. I don't wear make-up at all. Never have, never plan to. I don't paint my fingernails or toenails, or go to have them done by somebody else either! I don't wear high-heeled shoes, and I don't look forward to dress-up occasions.
So, if you didn't know me, now you have a little bit of an idea of my personal style. Or, what's not my personal style.

And maybe you still think I'm over-reacting about this whole bridesmaid thing. But that's just the way it is. I think about it and I groan. Just things like, getting my hair done (What kind of style will be expected? Will it have to be something all fancy? Will it require hairspray? Ugh.), will I be expected to get my nails done (I cringe to think about my fingernails painted, and I know I don't want anyone touching my feet!)? Maybe I can wear closed shoes so at least my toenails won't be a problem... Have I got to wear heels? Or jewelry? Fear of fears, will they want me to wear make-up? I wouldn't have the first clue about putting it on! But if I use that excuse, will someone say, "Oh, I can do it for you!" Ew, no thanks.
Sweet Lindy's gone to great lengths to be considerate in the area of the dresses. To cut down significantly on the cost, she picked out a satin fabric and bought patterns so we can make them instead of buying them. Her mom can sew, and Mom can too. She's made sure the dress patterns can be 'tweaked' to fit with our convictions of modesty.

I'm not really concerned about the dress I'll have to wear. I think it's just going to end up being a simple, kind of classy, satin affair. It's other little things, like, 'If I'm on the stage, I can't be taking pictures!' Or, 'I don't want to have to be so dolled up that I wouldn't recognize myself if I looked in the mirror, or worse, that no one else would recognize me either!'
Worst of all, my biggest groan, my greatest dread, is, 'Who will they pair me up with as far as groomsmen?' That's the one that really bothers me. If you know me at all, you know I'm not interested in guys. Not like that. What if they pair me up with some single friend of Toby's that I've never even heard of? Or even one of our single college friends? That wouldn't be as bad, but it sure would be awkward! Maybe Austin will be in it and they'll put me with him - one of my 'brothers' and best, already claimed!

Even as I type, I'm realizing how silly this all sounds. Even sillier than when I was saying it in my head. The thing is though, that it's all very real. I'm just being honest. That's the problem with silly worries. They're still real concerns. It's not so easy to just argue them away by saying, "You worry too much! It'll all work out!" or, "Oh, you're just over-thinking this whole thing! It's not going to be that bad when it gets here." or the worst one, "It'll all be over in just a few hours and then you can forget all about it." Uh, no-o! There will be pictures! I'll never forget it! Neither will anyone else!

Goodness. I do know one thing is true - I am worrying too much. Whatever happens, I should not be stressing out so much over it. That won't change anything except raise my blood-pressure.
It might end up being my worst nightmare. Or, sweet Lindy knowing me as well as she does, she might have realized I'd be thinking about all this and it might end up being an absolutely wonderful, comfortable, enjoyable experience!

Precious Lindy - one of Trissy's and my best friends! And dearest Toby! I could not hurt them by turning this honor down. Yet how I wish I could beg Lindy to let me pass out programs or something instead :\ !

Well, guess that's all I know for now. Stay tuned for further developments.

My "Tidbits from Life" Journal

I have a small, spiral-bound, vintage style, mint green notebook. It was given to me along with a set of wind chimes, at Easter by my 'secret sister' at church.


I love to write. The thing is, I tend to 'save' new notebooks, not wanting to use them and then be disappointed with the layout or content I used. But I decided it is more important to write than to 'save' a book that will be wasted anyway if it sits forever in my bookcase.


I chose to use this one for what I call a "Tidbits from Life" journal: A journal of thoughts, to-do lists, recipes, Scripture verses, song lyrics, poems, happenings, trivia, things-to-remember, random facts, doodles, special memories, and whatever else inspires.
The idea came partly from Breezy Brookshire and her "Little Black Notebook", and partly from Trissy, who keeps a composition notebook that she records sermon and devotional notes in.


So far it has been rather therapeutic :) . I started it with the 30 Hour Famine, and have recorded something almost everyday since, whether it was a quote, a memory from that day, a Bible verse that blessed me, or a detailed account of something that happened.
I think this was a good idea :) !

P.S. Please forgive the poor-quality cellphone photos.

Thoughts On: Love

Ok. I'm going to take a plunge here. I've been dealing with this idea of being 'real' on my blog for a while. And while often I am 'real' - and maybe even what may be called 'brutally honest' - I'm afraid I sometimes come across as if I'm a pretty perfect Christian (or at least trying to portray myself as such). Please let me assure you, I am not.
So, lately there have been some thoughts swirling around in my head. Ideas. Doubts. Consolations. Questions. And here I am to share them. I don't know who all reads this blog. I know some believers do. I'm pretty sure non-Christians do too - at least pop in now and then. For you who profess to know Christ, you will either read and condemn my thought process, read and shake your head and love me anyway, read and have no idea what I'm talking about, or read and relate and love me because you've been here.
For you who do not know Christ as your Savior, you will probably not understand where I'm coming from, and maybe not even care. But hopefully you will be encouraged that not all who claim to be Christians think that they are perfect, holy, and too good to admit that they have struggles. We are human, we have doubts, and we make mistakes, just like everyone else. The difference is, that we who belong to Christ are also the most blessed of men, for we have hope - and not just the hope of Hope, but the guarantee of Hope - and a purpose for life and living, both now and forever. So whatever our imperfections, we are safe and at peace.

I am writing for you, but talking to myself. If you can gain from reading this conversation, it will have accomplished it's purpose. Whoever you are, I pray that you can benefit from, or at least be comforted by, my bared heart...


I want to love people. I do love people. But I don't ever want to love anyone so much that my love for them overshadows my love for God.

I wrestle with alot of things. One thing is love.
How to love the people I should, but don't. Or how to love different people in different ways. How to love those I love a little bit, more. How overwhelming my love is for some, and how to show it in God-honoring and them-encouraging ways.

Or how to love God. Truly love Him. Or if I love Him at all.
Wow. Sobering thought? You bet.
My next thought is, "But surely I love Him! I belong to Him! I am His child! I'm not in this falsely?! Could my heart be so good at it's deceitful game that it has even fooled me?"
Well let's pause there a minute. The Bible says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)
So, technically, I guess it could have fooled me all these years. But the Bible also says, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:35) and "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. ..." (1 John 3:14) I know I love God's people. I do not love them all alike. I do not even love them all to the same extent - without favoritism - as I should. But I know I love them.

But how do I know I love them? How can anyone know they love someone else?
Well, I know my heart breaks when they hurt, and that it sings when they are happy. I know I mourn in their sorrows and rejoice in their victories. I know I want them to be blessed. I know I feel like I am on top of the world whenever I can help or encourage them in some way. I know I have great pride for them in their beautiful qualities and great thankfulness in their Godly traits.
Am I wrong to interpret those facts as evidence that I love them?

This question takes us to the need to consider the fact that "love" must be a choice. True love, that is. Many people interpret feelings of attraction or infatuation as "love", when in fact those feelings are no more than selfish desire of one form or another.
True love must be a choice. There are people I love now that I had to decide to love.
Some people are easy to "love". But those who disagree with you (or you with them), those who are unpleasant to be around, those who are just negative people, those who are unkind to you (or to others who are important to you), all of these are hard to love! One must make a conscious decision to love those people.

When I first heard that love is a choice, I totally disagreed. Well, maybe not totally, but I sure didn't think it could be completely true. You had to be attracted to someone, at least to a certain extent, right? Whether it was romantic attraction, or love for someone who had been kind to you (parents, friends, family, etc.), or sympathetic love for someone you felt sorry for.
But I learned that even those loves deal with choice. Romantic attraction is just that - attraction. It doesn't mean you truly love that person. And of course it is natural to have kind feelings for someone who has benefited you in some way, like your family or friends - you would be totally selfish if you didn't!
The last one gets closer to the 'choice' deal. Feeling sorry for someone who is in a sad or less fortunate situation is good but, number one, you must choose to feel for them - some people harden their hearts against those kinds of people because it's easier and they feel less guilty. And number two, how far does your sympathy go? If it is true love, you will want to do something to help them out of their suffering. Whether it's a family member who's just having a bad day, a homeless man at Wal*Mart, or the starving orphans in a World Vision commercial.
How far should "love" reach? With the family member, sometimes just a kind comment or offer of help is appropriate. With the homeless man, maybe giving him some of the groceries you just bought is what's needed. With the orphans, maybe the Lord has blessed you financially so that you can sponsor a child, or if not, praying for them on a regular basis is worth more than any amount of money!
All of these things involve a choice, a choice of love.

Now, as I've grown in experience, met more people, and faced more decisions to love or not love, I've learned that loving really is a choice! I can think of a person at Victory Rd. even, who I could not stand at first. I thought they behaved themselves inappropriately (and they did), and I was angry at them for their silliness and lack of modesty. I never showed my disgust outwardly (at least as far as I know!), but I just avoided that person as much as I possibly could.
One Sunday, I realized something. Through Bro. Dennis' teaching I had been learning that many things in life deal with choice. You have a choice to be joyful in a discouraging situation. You have a choice to let someone offend you, or to refuse to let it bother you, forgive it, and move on. Etc. Basic stuff, but somehow more obvious and 'do-able' the way he presented it.
I remembered that I'd heard that love is a choice too. So, I decided to try it. That person was not going to go anywhere. I was becoming more and more involved in the things that were going on in the church, and was having to rub elbows more and more with this person. I couldn't go on avoiding them without being downright rude. So, I decided that I'd just better love them.
Longer story shorter, that person is one of my most precious friends at Victory Rd. now.

Love is a decision.
Yes, some people are hard to decide to love. Some people are easy.

So how do you know if you love someone?
Well, how far are you willing to go to benefit them?
In all my mulling-over of this whole topic, that is about the simplest, most direct way to come to a conclusion that I have come up with. The answer to that question is a good place to start analyzing.

For myself, I'll go back to Victory Rd. for my starting place.
At times I am nearly overcome by my love for my dear friends there.
Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen and Austin, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and precious Maxwell, Bro. Mike and his family, Bro. Blake and his, the dear S. family (Archer, Law, Abigail, Piper, and their sweet parents), Lindy, Toby, Russell, and all our other college friends, Mrs. Renae and her dear family. And so many others.
As far as I can evaluate myself without actually physically coming to that situation, I believe I would give my life for them if it was necessary.
John 15:12-13 says, "This is My commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
Hmm, ok, so laying down one's life is the highest symbol of love.

Christ laid down His life for us. The highest symbol of love. And His followers are commanded to love each other as He loved them (us).

I know I love these people. It would be hard to die, if it was to be a painful death. But through Christ Who gives me strength, I could.

Do I love Christ enough to die for Him?
Once again, without actually facing that situation, I don't suppose I can know for sure. But once again, in His strength (and only in His strength), I could.

After all, the only reason I could ever love anyone is because Christ loved me first.

I just thought of something else. In 1 John 4:20 and 21 it says, "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? ... he who loveth God love his brother also."

My thing is that I love my 'brothers', but am wrestling with being able to know that I love God more! Luke 14:26 says, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." meaning that the love we have towards God should be so huge, that our love for family and friends seems almost like hate in comparison.
Do I love Him that way? My love for 'my people' is enormous! Is my love for God hundreds of times greater than that, as it should be?

Another thing about loving my 'brother'. What if I do not love all my 'brothers'? Does it mean I don't love God if I love some, but not others (see 1 John 4:20 above)? I know I have hard feelings toward certain people who claim to be followers of Christ (and therefore 'brothers'), but live in direct disobedience to His Word. Are my hard feelings only 'righteous anger', or are they the result of a spirit of unforgiveness?

There's also the love that Christians are to have for unbelievers. The reason the Lord left us here, is so that we would show them the love He has for them, through the love we have for them. We have seriously neglected this aspect of our duty and reason for living. It shouldn't be the movie stars, politicians, and celebrities running the charities and humanitarian organizations; it should be Christians! And years ago, it used to be! When did we drop the ball?! When did we begin to get caught up in the 'me' mentality that has become such a trademark of American culture? And what are we doing to pick up where we have been failing? It should be our daily goal to spread the love of Christ to those who are hurting, whether it is the glum cashier on our trip to Wal*Mart, or the war-torn refugee on the other side of the world. Our lives as followers of Jesus Christ should be dedicated to two things: Showing the love of Christ to others so that they too can know His peace and joy, and encouraging and edifying those who are already His.

Love. Wow. What a huge subject; and I haven't even scratched the surface - I've just touched on a few aspects that have been on my mind lately. The whole thing is so complicated.

But with all my unanswered questions, I can say that my analysis has brought me to these definite conclusions:

1) No matter how much I love God 'now' (whenever 'now' is), I must always be striving to love Him more.
2) It is alright to love other Christians with overwhelming love.
3) I must learn to love unconditionally.
4) I must work harder at my part to actively demonstrate Jesus' love to those who do not know Him.

Pretty simple huh? Maybe.
I do feel like I have things a little straighter in my mind now though, after just getting all my thoughts laid out so I can study them without one running over the next.
Thanks for letting me ramble :) .

Keep Looking Up!

SOLI DEO GLORIA!

-Kyrie<><

"Things" That Make Me Happy

"Things" aren't what make life. After all, it's just stuff.
But I believe the Lord gives us little yapas (pronounced "joppa" - Paraguayan Spanish for 'bonus') sometimes, just to make us smile, to make the way a little easier, to provide a little shower during a drought, or even just to help teach us to appreciate the little things.

I've been wanting to do a picture post for a while, listing a few of the "things" in my life that make me smile. Some are big, some are small, but all have been given by the Lord, and each one makes me happy.

1. The Lighthouse



This is actually a microwave tower or something, in a bend of the little highway a few miles from our house, and you can see the top of it above the trees, from our property. Trissy and I call it "The Lighthouse" because of the blinking light at the top.
I don't know why this tower has meant so much to me, but a couple of years ago when I was particularly burdened and discouraged about something, I was outside and I looked up and across, and saw it's light blinking steadily, reassuringly, and I felt comforted. The Lord has used it as a reminder of Himself - the ultimate saving Lighthouse - and that He has the Power to accomplish whatsoever He will. All is in His hands.

2. "Shirley"



Jaylyn (the older of Uncle Alvin's two daughters that I mention here from time to time) brought this yawning little hippo back to me from Africa where her family are missionaries. Since I was a child, I have loved horses with a passion. Jaylyn said in Africa, the name for hippo means "River Horse". She couldn't resist bringing me this soapstone one when they came back to visit a year ago :) !
So now "Shirley" (yes, I still name things) sits happily on the top of my chest-of-drawers, reminding me of merry times with cousins, and a testimony to lives lived for the glory of God.

4. Bolacha Marias



This is a wafer-like cookie similar to a graham cracker, found in Portuguese-speaking countries, like Brazil, South America, and Mozambique, Africa. Some missionary friends brought some to The Grandparents a few weeks ago, and they shared them with their neighbors up the road (us ;) !). I love everything about this little cookie! Lovely stamped design (even with it's name!), light honey-sweet taste, thin delicate texture - mmm! A delightful experience!

5. My cross keychain



This keychain was given to me by a friend years and years ago for my birthday. My thirteenth or fourteenth, I think. I'm not even in contact really with that friend anymore, but I treasure her gift. I carry it with me basically all the time, and I've handled it so much, that it is polished and worn in certain places. Aside from my Bible, this little keychain is probably my most cherished possession. Not of course for it's monetary value, for it has basically none - but for it's reminder of this most tremendous promise. SO many times, I have been held up, only by the knowledge and assurance of this fact:

"With God, all things are possible"
You would need to know more about me than anyone on earth does, to understand all the reasons and stories behind why this keychain, and this promise, mean so much to me. But for the sake and purpose of the here and now, lets just say... It means alot!

6. These jeans



Recently one Wednesday night before church started, some of us friends were standing around talking, and I happened to notice one of the young men had a hole in the knee of his jeans. Well, there was a lull in the conversation, and me being the random, free-advice-giving person that I am, I piped up and said, somewhat jokingly, somewhat seriously, "Boy, you need to get someone to mend your jeans for you!"
Now, whether he detected the kidding aspect of my remark or not, he reacted as if it was a serious problem he'd given alot of thought to, saying despairingly, 'I know! But I don't know anyone that has the time and knows how!'
Well, I might not have the time, but I know how, and knowing this friend did not have much to call in the way of family besides his Christian family, I eagerly volunteered. He seemed appreciative, and evidently that hole had been bothering him, 'cause he began describing the way he wanted it to look when it was done, and that he had a patterned scrap of fabric he'd been saving, that he wanted used to patch it :) !
So a couple of Sunday nights ago, he approached me after church, and asked if I remembered the conversation, and if I really meant it. I answered of course, and he said he had the jeans and the scrap in his truck, if I wouldn't mind patching it for him.
He said he knew I was busy with school and all, but just whenever I could get them back to him it would be great - he had another pair he could wear in the meantime! Poor guy! If he was relying on them that much, I felt like I had to get them back to him as soon as possible! So that next Tuesday night, I had a few minutes, and put the patch in. It was a little bit of a sewing challenge, because I wanted to use the machine, but the hole was way down in the knee, and I didn't want to have to take out a leg seam to get to it, then sew that back too! Anyway, I got it done (he'd asked if I could put a bit of denim behind the cotton scrap so it wouldn't bust out, and I thought that was pretty observant of him to realize it needed a reinforcement), and gave them back that Wednesday night after church. You'd have thought I'd given him a hundred dollar bill he was so thrilled with that little plaid patch!
Anyway, the ending moral of this long-winded story is that the Lord can use you to bless someone's life in little ways that seem small to you, but it may mean alot to a struggling brother or sister. Remember to be open to opportunities He sends your way - and don't forget to realize you are receiving a blessing as well.

7. "Lost Or Found"



I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but "Lost Or Found" makes me happy. I have such great memories of that stressful, hectic, pressured, fun, creative, challenging, fellowship-with-friends, time in my life. The Lord used this school assignment as a teaching tool to teach me more of patience, trust, prayer, and reliance on His sovereignty. I hope it is still blessing and witnessing to people where it is on YouTube.
For those of you who don't know what "Lost Or Found" is, read the posts here, here, and here (in that order) to get the story.
I've also made a button for my sidebar. I made this little 4:44 movie to bring glory to the Lord, and hopefully to lead people to Him. If you see it, and then feel led to share it with others in your life, please share the stories with me!

8. My bug bracelet



This past Saturday we had our annual 'town celebration' or whatever you'd call it, celebrating the historical side/history of our town. It takes place mostly on the oldest street in town, that (until recently) was still paved with it's original bricks! About a year ago, they re-did the street, and I believe replaced the old bricks with new ones, which made me sad.
But anyway, this street and a couple other near ones are lined with booths selling arts and crafts, food, and giving out information about different organizations and things. I think there is usually an antique car show and a pet show also.
This year, Trissy and I went in with a lady from church to rent and share a booth selling funnel cakes. Trissy also baked cookies and muffins, and I had a bunch of my hand-made items. We also sold bottled water, which went over pretty well.
We're trying to raise money to go on one of the church mission trips, and this seemed like a good opportunity (I don't know if I've told about the mission trip plans here yet or not. I'll try to do that soon).
Anyway, we ran into some dear old friends from our 4-H days (the S family, Jaylyn and Jewel), and had a WONDERFUL time fellowshipping and catching up with them. The two oldest girls both had these neat bracelets that caught my attention. They said they'd gotten them from a booth on another street. I was fascinated with the beautiful beetles! I've always loved nature, and what a wonderful display of God's creative genius!
The picture doesn't do the shininess of the beetle justice - it's green, green-yellow, blue, and purple, with copper-colored antenas! I'll try to take a better picture sometime.
Before the day was over, I went and got one too.

9. Real mint tea



I love mint tea! I've drunk the store-bought tea bags of it for several years, but recently Mrs. H shared with me a few plants from her Chocolate Mint! I have most of them in a pot on our back steps, and they really seem to like it there! It's done really well, and a few days ago I decided it was plentiful enough to warrant picking a tiny handful of leaves for my first cup of real mint tea - and from my own patch too!
It was so good, with a cool, soothing, wonderful minty flavor, and so naturally pleasant that I didn't even feel the need to put honey in it, like I do with the store-bought kind.

This is just a sample of some of the "things" that the Lord has blessed me with, that cheer my spirit. The Bible tells us to count our blessings, and this is one way I'm trying to fulfill that.
I plan to add items along. For now, these are a start.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!

Thoughts of Spring Blog Party

Found another blog party! This is the last day, and I love 'trivia' (as I've said before) so decided to jump on the tail end. :)


1. How would people describe your personality? (If they could only use ONE word.)

That's a kind of funny question. I mean, how would I know what word OTHER people would choose? I guess I could take a poll and find out a common word...
Until then, some words I think some of my friends would choose, would be "enthusiastic", "opinionated", or "loyal".

2. Are they right?

Depends on the context, but mostly yes :)

3. What celebrity/celebrities would create a “Star-Struck” feeling if you saw them in real life?

Hmm, not really any, I don't think. There are several I'd like to meet, but they're just regular people like I am - the only difference is more people know their name than know mine.

4. Who is your favorite blogger? Why?

Wow! I could not pick a "favorite"! I enjoy too many. But Jenna, Josh, and their mother, Mrs. Regan have been some of my biggest inspirations and encouragements in the faith. I love their honesty, their imperfections, their passion for the Lord, their love for family, for farming, for frugality, and for fun. I'm challenged by their examples, I'm encouraged by their less-than-perfect-ness. They have become dear friends - even if only blogging friends.

5. What is one of your comfort foods/drinks?

Potato soup!

6. Be brave – tell us something very random and weird about yourself.

I believe birth control is just as wrong as abortion.
I believe it is wrong to kiss someone who is not your spouse.

The reason I listed these two opinions as something 'weird' about myself, is because recently I have been rudely awakened to the sad fact that many 'Christians' do not believe either one of these things. I won't go into detail here, but I plan to do a post on both those topics soon.

7. Do you have a strong desire to do something you’ve never done?

Oh yes!

8. What is it?

Goodness! Lots of things!
One that stands out would be going to Scotland.

9. Movies: Action, Drama, Romantic Comedy, Documentary, Comedy? What are your favorite genres?

Action, historical fiction, documentary, adventure, etc. But always from a Christian standpoint, and I am VERY strict about content. So, I have more 'favorite movies' rather than 'favorite genres'.
I love Sherwood Pictures' movies!

10. Books: Fiction, Non-Fiction, Romance, Biographies, True Stories, Self-Help, Devotional/Study? What are your favorite types of reading material?

Here again, like movies, I have more 'favorite books' than a whole category. But I love Christian historical fiction, biographies and autobiographies of great missionaries and historical people, Christian resources, and about anything worth reading I can get my eyes on.

11.Music: Funk, Rock, Country, Jazz, Classical, Film Score, Blues, Classic Rock, Crooner, Alternative, Heavy Metal, Techno? What are your favorite types?

Ew yuck, some of those. I love old-fashioned Southern Gospel - four-part harmony, men's quartets and trios, and toe-tapping convention-style music. I love the old hymns. I love quality, inspiring, stirring orchestra and military music. I like some of the WWII era big-band music. I also love Celtic - of course, if the words are appropriate.

12. If you inherited a million dollars, what is the first thing you would do with your money?

The first thing? That would be to tithe it, and give the tithe to my church or to missionary work.

13. Name one weakness of yours (confession is good for the soul).

Miniatures. HMMHMM I LOVE miniatures! Almost miniature anything - but not everything.

14. If you could live anywhere at all (and take all your loved ones with you), where would you go?

Well, some of my loved ones may have other places they'd want to live, so it would seem a little selfish to drag them all to my place... But I understand the question.
Scotland or Tennessee, but I'd need to think a little before I could decide between the two.

15. Strange Talent? Can you juggle basketballs, put your legs behind your head or perform some other strange feat?

Hmmm. Well, I can sit flat on the ground with my knees bent and flat on the ground so that my heels come back and can touch the sides of my thighs! I can also make the back of my tongue vibrate forwards and backwards really fast, so that if I say "Ah" at the same time, it sounds like, "Yoin, yoin, yoin, yoin" but really fast and run together. Don't know if that one counts - probably lots of other people can do that, but Trissy can't - she's always exclaiming, "How do you DO that?!" whenever I'm going around doing it ;) .

16. What’s something you consider yourself to be good at? (Don’t worry, it’s not bragging, it’s acknowledging a God given gift).

Caring.

17. What is one of your favorite things to catch a whiff of?

Mmmm! The perfume or cologne of a friend. Gives me a good feeling.

18. When you leave a social gathering, do you wish: You would have talked more or You would have talked less?

Well, of course it depends on what I said, and what I didn't. Usually some of both I guess.

19. If money wasn’t a factor, what stores would you shop in?

Etsy
Hobby Lobby
Michael's
Books-A-Million
And if money wasn't a factor (in other words, I had all I'd want to spend), then probably other stores too.

20. What is your greatest fear or strange phobia?

Greatest fear: Disappointing the Lord.
Strange phobia: Bears. I hate bears. Real ones, that is. Stuffed ones are fine :)

21. What is your greatest accomplishment?

Glorifying the Lord.

22. What are your favorite animals?

1. Horses
2. Dragonflies
3. Pigeons/doves
4. Dogs

23. Are you a hopeless romantic?

Um NO-OO!

24. What movie or book character can you most relate to?

Dan, from the book "Little Men"


Well, some of that 'about me' I've already covered in other posts or blog parties. But I had fun doing it!

Literary Blog Party

{Note: This post is incomplete. Please wait to read it until I have time to finish filling out the questions. Unless of course you're the type that's GOT to go through with something once it's within your grasp...
Just bear in mind there's alot missing still.}

I had a few free minutes today, so decided to go blog-hopping :). In my wandering, I found a blog that is hosting a 'blog party' of sorts, with a questionair on the reader's literary opinions. Click here to read the whole post. I decided to join in because I LOVE books/reading and I like random, trivia, 'about me'-type events and things (both to be a contributor to, and an observer of others' contributions).
So, here goes.


•What, to you, forms the essence of a true heroine?

A faith in Christ so strong that it dictates everything she does and how she reacts to every situation - no matter how small or how great.
(By the way, if anyone knows the name of this painting, please let me know)


•Share (up to) four heroines of literature that you most admire and relate to.

1) Kirsten from George MacDonald's "Heather and Snow"
2)
3)
4)


•Five of your favorite historical-fiction novels?

1) Little Men
2) The Scarlet Pimpernel
3) Tree of Freedom
4) Johnny Tremain
5)


•Out of those five books who is your favorite character and why?

Oooh, that's difficult. But probably, if I really HAD to say, it would probably be Dan from Little Men. Why? Well, I think of all the characters I've met in the hundreds of books I've read, Dan has been the one I've understood and related to the most - we are so much alike.


•If you were to plan out your dream vacation, where would you travel to - and what would you plan to do there?

The highlands of Scotland. I would take a few of my favorite George MacDonald books and a couple of others in a leather messenger bag, a lunch, and a camera, and treck the hills the whole time. Well, I would like to visit Banockburn too.


•What is your favorite time period and culture to read about?

Wow, pretty much anything historical. I'm especially fascinated with American and Scottish history. I love historical fiction written from a Christian point of view.


•You have been invited to perform at the local charity concert. Singing, comedy,
recitation - what is your act comprised of?

Recitation. I'm horrible at 'planned' comedy - though I've been pleasantly surprised at how easily I keep my friends in a state of spontaneous merriment, just by being myself around them! I enjoy memorization, and would probably quote some of my favorite Scripture pasages and/or a few selections from my favorite books and poems.


•If you were to attend a party where each guest was to portray a heroine of literature, who would you select to represent?

Kirsten from George MacDonald's "Heather and Snow"


•What are your sentiments on the subject of chocolate?

It's nice, but not something I can't live without.


•Favorite author(s)?

C. S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia are hands-down some of the best books I've EVER read - and I've read alot of books), George MacDonald,


•As a small, imaginative, red-haired damsel might query; would you rather be divinely beautiful, dazzlingly clever, or angelically good?

Well, good. I'm not sure about the 'angelically' part. Is that even an appropriate adjective in this case? I mean, the angels really don't have a say in what they do or are... anyway...
Just something to think about. I had to throw it in ;)

*Why?

Why did I have to throw it in? Oh! Why did I pick 'good'. Gotcha.
Ok, well


•In which century were most of the books you read written?

Hmmm, not sure!


•In your opinion, the ultimate hero in literature is…




•Describe your ideal dwelling place.

•Have you ever wanted to change a character’s name?

Ha! Yes! Several times.


• In your opinion, the most dastardly villain of all literature is...




•Three favorite Non-fiction books?

1) The Bible - KJV (no offense to the non-KJVers, it's just my preference)
2) "Do Hard Things" by Alex Harris and Brett Harris
3) "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom

•Your duties met for the day, how would you choose to spend a carefree summer afternoon?

•Create a verbal sketch of your dream hat - in such a way as will best portray your true character.

My dream HAT?! Um, well, ok...


•Share the most significant event(s) that have marked your life in the past year.

•Share the Bible passage(s) that have been most inspiring to you recently.




•And lastly, as I am a rather businesslike hostess, may I ask you your views regarding those adorable little items - namely pin back and mirror back buttons? 1). Where would you choose to display a button badge to best showcase your unique style?
2). What image and/or sentiment would most make you smile were it inscribed on your very own compact mirror?

Life Is Sweet

I've been wanting to do a post similar to this idea for quite some time. So the other day when I read this post on Lucy's blog, I decided to join in :) (I stole the Roman Numeral idea from her too). Later, I may do 'mine'. Or I may do this one again, but with ten other things that bring me joy :) . We'll see. For now, I hope you enjoy this peek into what makes me "me" - what brings me joy.


I. Being outside during thunderstorms
II. Godly teenagers
III. Amazing Grace played on bagpipes
(Note: Click here to hear/see the most incredible version of this hymn I've ever experienced - just listen to it first, then go back and watch it)
IV. Working with my hands
V. A good read
VI. Laying in the wet grass at night, looking at the stars, while my friends try to find me
(there's a story to this one)
VII. Psalms 107:8-22
VIII. Pleasing someone I love
IX. Sherwood Pictures
X. Going barefoot

Below The Plateau - Blog Party

Here is another blog party I found! It looked fun too, so I decided to enter it while I was entering blog parties! ;)
Go to http://belowtheplateau.blogspot.com/ to learn more, and enter too - there are some really great give-aways to be awarded! But you'll need to hurry, 'cause you don't have much time... It ends today!

The questions:

1. Ring! Ring! You receive a phone call from a national sweepstakes organization saying that you have won a life-time supply of your favorite beverage!! What would that drink be?

Well, my favorite drink is water, but the Lord has allowed me to live in a place where I can just go to the faucet and get as much as I want anytime.
So I guess I'd ask for my next-favorite - fresh raw cow's milk, rich and sweet!



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2. If you could live in a Jane Austen novel, which book would you pick? What character would you be?

Well, I know this is going to come as a shock to you Jane Austen junkies out there, but I WOULD NOT want to be in a Jane Austen story! I have seen one (maybe two) of the movies made after her books, and that is PLENTY for my appetite! Hope I'm not making any enemies here... just being honest.

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3. What is your theme song, that favorite song that absolutely matches you?

I've actually got several. But these two probably come closest:

"Sitting At The Feet Of Jesus" - hymn (Tune: J. W. Davis - Words: Rev. K. C. Minter)



"I'll Praise You In This Storm" - new (Casting Crowns)



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4. You are trapped on a deserted island. Your only supplies are the clothes you have on, and a box with five things in it. What are those five things?

- My Bible.



- An anywhere-reaching-unlimited-minutes phone.



There. What else would I need?! I mean, I use the phone to call for help, and read my Bible in the meantime! Ok, I guess I'd probably get hungry while I was waiting for the help to get there...

- A Goliath-size box of energy bars.



- Soap.



- A knife.



And I'd still have the box these things came in that I could do something with... Is it wooden or cardboard? 'Cause if it's cardboard, that could limit my options...

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5. Chocolate or Caramel?

Hmm, probably chocolate. I really like caramel too, it just needs chocolate to go with it :) . But I like either. I will say one thing though; I'm not chocolate-crazy like some people are. I like it okay, but that's about as far as it goes. :)



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6. Vacation! If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

Easy. Scotland.



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7. If forced to do one of the two, which would you do: sky diving or scuba diving? Why?

Ohh! Sky diving! I've wanted to go sky diving since I was little. Yes, I know, it involves risk. But how much risky-er can you get than careening along at 70 (or more) miles an hour, in a four-wheeled contraption not too well-built nowadays, with alot of others equally not-too-safely-built, and their drivers even crazier than you are, all whizzing along within a couple of yards of each other?! Yet we get on the free-way all the time...



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8. Favorite TV show, and why?

Here again, several favorites. But these are my three most favorite, I think. Why? Because I love clean, wholesome, funny, and sometimes old-fashioned things to watch.
{Note: Sue Thomas has had a couple of things I didn't like. There have been a few times (like at formal events) where the clothing was a little less-than, in my opinion. And there are four (I think) episodes where two people kiss who are not married. These things are pretty rare, though, and the shows promote the good-guys-always-win idea, love of America, respect to women and children, and the fight for good, that's why I enjoy them (not to mention mystery, edge-of-your-seat plots, and a peak into what the guys at the real F.B.I. go through so we can sleep safe at night).}

1. The Roy Rogers Show



2. The Andy Griffeth Show



3. Sue Thomas, F.B.Eye



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9. Are you a coffee and donuts sorta lady, or a tea and scones type of gal?

Well, I don't drink coffee, and rarely get donuts. But on the other hand, I've never had the opportunity to try scones that I know of. I do drink lots of mint tea in the winter though!



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10.The time machine has finally been created, and you are the first to be able to use it! What era would you travel too?

The 1800s in America.



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11. What is the last movie you watched?

Johnny Tremain - great movie. Not quite like the book, but I feel like the changes they made were acceptable ones.



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12. Ding-dong!!! Your favorite actor/singer/celebrity is at your front door! Who would it be?

I don't really have many 'heros' that aren't already people I know personally. I'll need to think about that one for a bit, but I'll try to remember to come back and fill this one in later.

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13. What was your absolute favorite toy as a baby?

How should I remember?! I was a baby! LOL!


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14. What types of blogs do you like best? (examples: DIY, cooking, journal, ect.)

I like a wide variety. I enjoy the journal type - just hearing about other peoples' lives, and the funny, sad, exraordinary, mundane things that happen to them. I also like craft tutorials, recipes, give-aways, book reviews, movie advice, politics-from-a-Christian-world-view, photography, creative writing, etc. I really enjoy blogs where all these elements are touched on every now and then.



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15. What is your favorite Bible verse, your "life verse?"

"To open their eyes, [and] to turn [them] from darkness to light, and [from] the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me." - Acts 26:18

It is my earnest prayer that my life will accomplish this in the lives of those I know and love who are not saved, and in the lives of others I don't even know are watching.



Oh my! Is that the end?! I really enjoyed this one too!
Hope you all enjoyed these little peeks into my mind :) !

'Til next time,

SOLI DEO GLORIA!

-Kyrie<><

{All images from Photobucket.}