Tonight was I think the most meaningful, beautiful, moving celebration of the Lord's Supper I have ever been a part of.
This was the first time that I know of that Victory Rd. has had the Lord's Supper on a Wednesday night. Usually it's during the night service of the Sunday before Easter Sunday. But this seemed to work well. All Wednesday night classes were canceled, and we all met together in the auditorium.
As they arrived, people greeted each other quietly in the foyer and hallways, and the doors to the auditorium had signs taped to them requesting, "Enter reverently with prayer".
Trissy had gone early to do a Bible study with one of the young girls at the church, so she was already there. When I entered the auditorium after quietly greeting Nicole, Lydia, and a few others standing in the foyer, the lights were dim and those already inside sat silent or talking in whispers. I spotted Trissy and Ava sitting where our family usually sits on Sunday nights, talking quietly, and went to join them. It was almost time to start. Ava left to go sit with Austin and his family, and Dad and Mom came in and sat with Trissy and me. All the over-head lights were off - the only light was from the soft ones on the back wall, a couple up front, and a soft spotlight on the cross-and-dove centerpiece high on the wall above the choir chairs. Bro. Blake's mother was playing the organ; soft, gentle, solemn old hymns like "The Ninety and Nine". The whole room felt so beautiful, so, holy.
Bro. Blake stepped up to the podium and led the congregation in two hymns, "Hallelujah, Christ Arose", and "The Blood Will Never Lose It's Power", with only the organ for accompaniment and his rich baritone for direction. As the last chorus came to an end, Bro. Nick walked up to the platform with his Bible in his hands, and Bro. Blake handed him the microphone and went to sit with his family.
Bro. Nick read clearly and simply the account of the Last Supper from Matthew 26:17-29. When he reached verse 29, I noticed something I don't think I ever had before. Jesus says, "But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom."
Until I drink it new, with you. He's waiting for us. Christ, the son of God, is keeping Himself from enjoying the complete pleasures of His Father's kingdom, until we who are His adopted brothers and sisters are there to enjoy it too. Wow.
When Bro. Nick finished reading, Bro. Dennis sang "When He Was On The Cross, I Was On His Mind". So thankful to hear that voice again. So thankful for hope for the future.
Bro. Earl preached a simple sermon and read the apostle Paul's description from 1 Corinthians 11:23-26. He urged us that were followers of Christ to pray silently (while he prayed aloud), confessing any known sin in our lives, and asking the Lord to reveal others we may not have recognized so that we could repent of them also, enabling us to take the Lord's Supper with an examined heart and a clean conscience.
After he prayed an earnest, humble prayer, he asked Bro. Nick and five of the deacons to come to the front to help him pass out the bread and 'wine' (grape juice). The pewter dishes gleamed in the soft light. Bro. Earl handed a plate filled with the tiny pieces of flat bread to Bro. Nick on his right. Bro. Nick turned and gave it to Bro. Blake who in turn handed it to Julia's dad. Then another one for Bro. Blake. Bro. Earl handed one to Lindy's dad on his left, and the 'bucket brigade'-style plate-passing was repeated on that side. The four deacons with the four plates of bread then moved throughout the congregation, offering a piece to each member. When all had been served, the deacons walked back to the front and served each other, each man giving the plate to the next man up, and that one holding it for him to take a piece, then passing the plate on, ending with Bro. Earl serving Bro. Nick and Lindy's dad before taking a piece himself.
The process was repeated with the trays filled with the tiny glass cups of grape juice.
I was struck with the beauty of the ceremony and order of the process.
It has always been a solemn thing, the Lord's Supper. Something I don't believe I've ever taken lightly since I've been old enough to understand. Certainly not since I received Christ and have been part of one of these services myself.
But this time, I seemed to feel the wonderful, terrible, incredible significance in a way I never remember before. Hearing again the story of the first one, the "Last Supper" - the last Passover Jesus celebrated with His disciples. The overwhelming sadness that must have threatened to consume Him, as the time to leave got closer. The pure aloneness He must have felt, knowing all would desert Him. Knowing He must face this - the most terrible horrors any human on earth had or has ever come to - alone.
Alone.
Julia's dad, as one of the deacons, held out the plate of unleavened bread. I took one of the tiny pieces and held it as Bro. Earl prayed.
Jesus' words, 'This is My body, broken for you...' The disciples must not have understood that night. Did they? They must not have. It surely would have torn them from the inside out, if they'd known...
The crisp crunch of the plain, unleavened bread.
Julia's dad came back, this time with the tray of juice.
As I sat looking into the rich purple color of that tiny glass of grape juice, tears came to my eyes. 'This is My blood, shed for you... My blood... My blood...'
The life of the flesh is in the blood. He literally gave His life - for me. For whoever would choose to accept His gift.
Of course this was only juice here, but the significance was so terribly and wonderfully real to me that from sheer sympathy I didn't think I would be able to drink it. How He suffered! And we have no idea really.
Bro. Earl prayed again, but when he finished, I really hesitated to drink my juice. Then Jesus's command to the disciples spoke in my head, "Drink ye all of it;" and I did.
The sweet, spicy tang of the purple grape juice, then soft chinks all across the room as people slid their tiny empty glasses into the wooden holders on the backs of the pews in front of them.
Reminding us that Jesus and His disciples sang a hymn when they left their Passover meal, Bro. Earl nodded to Bro. Blake, whose his rich baritone solemnly but joyfully began the first verse of "Amazing Grace" as he began walking down the center isle and out of the auditorium. We all stood and followed, singing.
We left the building quietly, smiling at each other without speaking, and most continued on to their cars and left, taking the lovely solemn experience home to savor.
But a few stayed in little knots of people to chat a few minutes, standing around in the parking lot. Aron's cousin was behind Trissy and me as we exited the church building, and greeted us sweetly when we got out front. Her husband had been invited to preach at another church Sunday night, so we asked how that had gone. Lindy, and then Ava, came and joined our little group, and we stood talking amiably about random little things, like friends do. Toby had had surgery the day before, on one of his knees he'd injured playing basketball. Lindy said he was in quite a bit of pain and acting pretty grumpy unless someone was hugging him. We talked about hugs, how some people are 'huggy' people and some are not, about cats and kittens and Ava said Austin said she could have two of ours if Maggie has kittens, as long as they stayed outside. We talked about the weather, how it keeps getting hot, then chilly again. Ava was wearing leather flip-flops and her feet were cold. About that time, Austin came out of the church where he'd been helping lock up and, after a little more discussion on being cold and how to avoid it, they left to go get supper. As they walked off, I thought of something. I ran to catch up, and when I did, told Ava she should 'borrow' his corn bag when she was cold. She turned to Austin. 'Corn bag! You have a corn bag?!'
'Oh yeah! I do!' and Austin was telling her the story as they left.
I returned to our little group. Aron's cousin had left by this time, and the parking lot was practically empty. Trissy and I visited with Lindy a couple more minutes before saying good-bye with light and happy hearts.
The whole evening was such a wonderful, special experience.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
After church this evening, I walked across the street to the gym to find Ava. She and Austin were supposed to be cooking for our college meal tonight, but I'd gotten a message from Henley saying it was canceled. I just wanted to check with Ava and see if they'd already made something, and if we were going to have it anyway.
As I crossed the street from the church building to the gym building, my 'brown-eyed boy' was walking across also from farther up, headed to where his car was parked beside the gym building. Our triangle converged near his car, and after exchanging greetings, I asked him if he'd had a good time at our small town's yearly Old Days celebration. By this time he'd reached his car and I was almost to the gym door - the one with the new keypad lock on it. He stood at the driver's side door looking puzzled a minute, then exclaimed, 'Oh yeah! You were there! I was trying to think how you knew about it.'
I smiled.
He said it'd been okay; he worked the booth for the local gym because several of the employees that were supposed to run it couldn't be there. I ask him if they'd paid him and he said they had. I grinned, 'Well, that's something then!'
'Oh yeah, sure!', he agreed heartily.
I turned and punched in the code and opened the door. 'Yeah, and when did that happen? I feel like I've been sort of out of it with stuff around here.' He nodded towards the keypad on the door, leaving his car and following me into the gym.
'A couple of weeks ago,' I answered. We walked together across the big basketball court, dodging third-graders rip-sticking and playing basketball now that their class was out.
'I don't feel like I've been here in so long. I mean, I've been up there,' he motioned with his head back towards the church building, 'but not over here.'
'Have they been working you alot on Wednesday nights?' I asked sympathetically. I didn't want to seem like I was fussing at him for not being there - but I wanted him to know we'd missed him.
'Yeah,' he shook his head slightly and watched the floor as he walked. 'Alot of other people had already asked for Wednesday nights off.' His head came up, he straightened his shoulders, and his voice took on a determined note. 'But I told them I was not working on Sundays!'
I grinned. 'Good for you!' I exclaimed, proud of him, knowing how hard life is right now for him, wanting so much for Good to win the struggle, and thankful that he seemingly desires to do what's right.
We reached the classroom that contains the stairwell that leads up to the youth room. Ava, Joy, and Piper were coming out, and Ava and I met in the doorway. Joy and Piper came on through and into the gym, and out the nearest outside door. My 'brown-eyed boy' continued on into the room when I stopped to talk to Ava, then soon excused himself as he passed between us back out the door, back into the gym and, I assume, out of the gym and into his car and left. I didn't really notice it until later, when I was thinking over the day, and realized he must have come into the gym building at all only because I was talking to him. And when I started talking to Ava, he left. I hope he didn't feel like I was rude to him!
Poor dear boy. All my poor dear boys! And girls! The world is such a horrible place for a Christian teenager to try to grow up in! Like flowers trying to grow in the desert. Oh the struggles, even if there are kind gardeners who tend and water the fragile plants! And if there are none... it's that much more difficult. Only the fact that their God controls the weather allows these flowers to survive, grow, and even, Lord willing, flourish in this hostile place.
Ava had gotten Henley's message about supper being canceled before she started cooking for it, so we would just go ahead and call it off completely.
We stood and chatted for a few minutes. She and Austin had gone up to go to church with Archer this morning. She said it was different - more geared to the college-age population that dominates that college town. She said it was nice and she enjoyed the service, but the way she carefully chose her wording, and her politely positive tone, made me think maybe she hadn't thought it was quite as amazing as Archer seems to feel like it is. Sweet, considerate Ava!
Switching 'gears', the youth class is starting a small-group discipleship-type study using Francis Chan's book, "Multiply" as their curriculum on Sunday nights. Tonight was the first week, and Ava is a small-group leader. She really seemed excited about that; she said Piper and Joy are the two girls in her group!
After talking with Ava, I went on out the gym door, and Piper and Abigail were standing under the over-hang, waiting, I suppose, for Law to come downstairs to take them home. I stopped to talk to them a few minutes, and sweet Piper threw her arms around me impulsively. There are different kinds of hugs. It is not uncommon for Piper and me to give each other what I mentally call 'greeting hugs' - when you meet a friend, and you're like, "Oh hey so-and-so!" and you give them a friendly hug. But there's also what I call a 'speechless hug' - where your heart is so full, and you want the person to know that you care about them and love them, but you don't know what to say. So you hug them, tight, without saying anything, and don't hurry to let go. Now, this is just my 'take' on hugs, but I theorize that it's probably similar for other people too. And if that's the case, Piper gave me a 'speechless hug' then, though I didn't really think about it until later. But she's not really a 'huggy' person, and I wonder what she had on her heart to make her give me one like that.
We stood and chatted for a few more minutes until Law came down and they loaded up in Law's Explorer.
Julia and Toby's cousin (who is here visiting for a few days) came down about the same time, and I talked to them a minute. Autumn had surgery on her wrist this past week, and wasn't there. She and Julia are best friends and I asked Julia how she was. That led to a brainstorm on Julia and Toby's cousin's part, to go visit Autumn and surprise her. Toby's cousin went with them on the mission trip to Nicaragua last year, and she and Julia and Autumn became great friends. Autumn didn't know she was here.
I left them plotting on how they were going to surprise Autumn, and headed down the sidewalk that goes beside the gym, walking back up to the church building. The S. kids hadn't pulled out yet, and I waved at them as I walked past. Abigail and Law waved back from the front seats.
I walked back up to the church building feeling a mixture of emotions. Concern, happiness, curiosity, and contentment.
As I crossed the street from the church building to the gym building, my 'brown-eyed boy' was walking across also from farther up, headed to where his car was parked beside the gym building. Our triangle converged near his car, and after exchanging greetings, I asked him if he'd had a good time at our small town's yearly Old Days celebration. By this time he'd reached his car and I was almost to the gym door - the one with the new keypad lock on it. He stood at the driver's side door looking puzzled a minute, then exclaimed, 'Oh yeah! You were there! I was trying to think how you knew about it.'
I smiled.
He said it'd been okay; he worked the booth for the local gym because several of the employees that were supposed to run it couldn't be there. I ask him if they'd paid him and he said they had. I grinned, 'Well, that's something then!'
'Oh yeah, sure!', he agreed heartily.
I turned and punched in the code and opened the door. 'Yeah, and when did that happen? I feel like I've been sort of out of it with stuff around here.' He nodded towards the keypad on the door, leaving his car and following me into the gym.
'A couple of weeks ago,' I answered. We walked together across the big basketball court, dodging third-graders rip-sticking and playing basketball now that their class was out.
'I don't feel like I've been here in so long. I mean, I've been up there,' he motioned with his head back towards the church building, 'but not over here.'
'Have they been working you alot on Wednesday nights?' I asked sympathetically. I didn't want to seem like I was fussing at him for not being there - but I wanted him to know we'd missed him.
'Yeah,' he shook his head slightly and watched the floor as he walked. 'Alot of other people had already asked for Wednesday nights off.' His head came up, he straightened his shoulders, and his voice took on a determined note. 'But I told them I was not working on Sundays!'
I grinned. 'Good for you!' I exclaimed, proud of him, knowing how hard life is right now for him, wanting so much for Good to win the struggle, and thankful that he seemingly desires to do what's right.
We reached the classroom that contains the stairwell that leads up to the youth room. Ava, Joy, and Piper were coming out, and Ava and I met in the doorway. Joy and Piper came on through and into the gym, and out the nearest outside door. My 'brown-eyed boy' continued on into the room when I stopped to talk to Ava, then soon excused himself as he passed between us back out the door, back into the gym and, I assume, out of the gym and into his car and left. I didn't really notice it until later, when I was thinking over the day, and realized he must have come into the gym building at all only because I was talking to him. And when I started talking to Ava, he left. I hope he didn't feel like I was rude to him!
Poor dear boy. All my poor dear boys! And girls! The world is such a horrible place for a Christian teenager to try to grow up in! Like flowers trying to grow in the desert. Oh the struggles, even if there are kind gardeners who tend and water the fragile plants! And if there are none... it's that much more difficult. Only the fact that their God controls the weather allows these flowers to survive, grow, and even, Lord willing, flourish in this hostile place.
Ava had gotten Henley's message about supper being canceled before she started cooking for it, so we would just go ahead and call it off completely.
We stood and chatted for a few minutes. She and Austin had gone up to go to church with Archer this morning. She said it was different - more geared to the college-age population that dominates that college town. She said it was nice and she enjoyed the service, but the way she carefully chose her wording, and her politely positive tone, made me think maybe she hadn't thought it was quite as amazing as Archer seems to feel like it is. Sweet, considerate Ava!
Switching 'gears', the youth class is starting a small-group discipleship-type study using Francis Chan's book, "Multiply" as their curriculum on Sunday nights. Tonight was the first week, and Ava is a small-group leader. She really seemed excited about that; she said Piper and Joy are the two girls in her group!
After talking with Ava, I went on out the gym door, and Piper and Abigail were standing under the over-hang, waiting, I suppose, for Law to come downstairs to take them home. I stopped to talk to them a few minutes, and sweet Piper threw her arms around me impulsively. There are different kinds of hugs. It is not uncommon for Piper and me to give each other what I mentally call 'greeting hugs' - when you meet a friend, and you're like, "Oh hey so-and-so!" and you give them a friendly hug. But there's also what I call a 'speechless hug' - where your heart is so full, and you want the person to know that you care about them and love them, but you don't know what to say. So you hug them, tight, without saying anything, and don't hurry to let go. Now, this is just my 'take' on hugs, but I theorize that it's probably similar for other people too. And if that's the case, Piper gave me a 'speechless hug' then, though I didn't really think about it until later. But she's not really a 'huggy' person, and I wonder what she had on her heart to make her give me one like that.
We stood and chatted for a few more minutes until Law came down and they loaded up in Law's Explorer.
Julia and Toby's cousin (who is here visiting for a few days) came down about the same time, and I talked to them a minute. Autumn had surgery on her wrist this past week, and wasn't there. She and Julia are best friends and I asked Julia how she was. That led to a brainstorm on Julia and Toby's cousin's part, to go visit Autumn and surprise her. Toby's cousin went with them on the mission trip to Nicaragua last year, and she and Julia and Autumn became great friends. Autumn didn't know she was here.
I left them plotting on how they were going to surprise Autumn, and headed down the sidewalk that goes beside the gym, walking back up to the church building. The S. kids hadn't pulled out yet, and I waved at them as I walked past. Abigail and Law waved back from the front seats.
I walked back up to the church building feeling a mixture of emotions. Concern, happiness, curiosity, and contentment.
Friday, March 22, 2013
"5 Small Things Friday" No. 77
Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".
For this week, here is my list:
1. Sight: Tiny Yellow Flowers In The Grass
2. Hearing:
3. Smell:
4. Taste: Sloppy Joes
5. Touch:
The stories behind the list:
1. Last Friday afternoon I was on my way out to feed the chickens or something, I don't remember exactly what. Anyway, I was walking across our yard toward our shed and our little chicken house, and as I walked along, I noticed all the tiny yellow flowers on the tiny patches of miniature clover, growing almost flat with the ground. They were sprinkled generously throughout the grass in our yard. I've always loved these hardy little clover plants and their miniature, brilliant-yellow flowers. This day, combined with the fresh March breeze, the bright sky, and the warm air, they seemed to be announcing that the winter season is officially over, and that spring is here.
2.
3.
4. Sunday, our youth group at Victory Rd. went to visit another church about half-an-hour away for the night service. I'm not sure of all the details on how it came about, but as I understand it, that church had asked for our youth music group and Bro. Nick to come and lead their youth service that night, and Bro. Nick decided it would be a good thing for our whole youth group to take a couple of the church vans and go too. It was a good experience - getting to minister in another place, interacting with the youth of a neighbor church, and spending time among ourselves as well. After the service, the church served sloppy joes for supper. I don't know if they serve supper every Sunday night, or if it was just in honor of the occasion, but it was a nice gesture, gave the two youth groups more of a chance to get to know each other, and those sloppy joes were the best I think that I've ever had!
5.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
A Day Of Grace
After my awful day of struggle yesterday, it felt like the Lord gave me a day of grace today. He let me get all (well, probably not all, but alot!) of my crying and frustration out, and now He spent this day telling me what I needed to hear and know about many of the questions I struggled with yesterday.
The first of three or four main things was the chapter I read in my personal Bible study time. I was ready to read 2 Corinthians 5 yesterday, but (confession is good for the soul they say, whoever 'they' are. But they are right...) I got busy and didn't ever read it. So I read it this morning. It talks about faith in the Lord's plans, love for fellow-men, and the overwhelming desire of every Christian to be ultimately free of this wicked sorrowful world and this hard life - the desire for the hastening of the time when all the believers in Christ will be gathered together in Heaven with Him, "when joy is here to stay":
"For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked.
For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life.
Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit.
Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord:
(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)
We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.
For we commend not ourselves again unto you, but give you occasion to glory on our behalf, that ye may have somewhat to answer them which glory in appearance, and not in heart.
For whether we be beside ourselves, it is to God: or whether we be sober, it is for your cause.
For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:
And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.
For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him."
Next was the chapter we read in our family devotional time after breakfast, 1 Thessalonians 3, that speaks of friendship, separation, suffering, and being a blessing one to another:
"Wherefore when we could no longer forbear, we thought it good to be left at Athens alone;
And sent Timotheus, our brother, and minister of God, and our fellowlabourer in the gospel of Christ, to establish you, and to comfort you concerning your faith:
That no man should be moved by these afflictions: for yourselves know that we are appointed thereunto.
For verily, when we were with you, we told you before that we should suffer tribulation; even as it came to pass, and ye know.
For this cause, when I could no longer forbear, I sent to know your faith, lest by some means the tempter have tempted you, and our labour be in vain.
But now when Timotheus came from you unto us, and brought us good tidings of your faith and charity, and that ye have good remembrance of us always, desiring greatly to see us, as we also to see you:
Therefore, brethren, we were comforted over you in all our affliction and distress by your faith:
For now we live, if ye stand fast in the Lord.
For what thanks can we render to God again for you, for all the joy wherewith we joy for your sakes before our God;
Night and day praying exceedingly that we might see your face, and might perfect that which is lacking in your faith?
Now God himself and our Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ, direct our way unto you.
And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you:
To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all his saints."
Throughout the morning, memories kept coming to mind. I helped Dad plant potatoes, and the weather reminded me alot of our 30 Hour Famine last year. I listened to the Christian radio station on my mp3 player as we had lunch, and many of the songs I heard were ones our music group had learned and/or played at the week-end camp we played for ("10,000 Reasons/Bless the Lord" and "Great I Am" really stood out). But, though thinking of those memories was a little sad, my feelings were mostly pleasant ones - my system seemed primarily to be gleaning the wonder and excitement of those times, and mostly filtering out my sadness at their being over.
Then later I came across this article from the Desiring God website. I'd seen a link to this blog post a day or so ago, and saved the window open because I didn't have time to read it right then. This afternoon I did. Perfect timing:
"How Christians Prepare for Suffering
by Johathan Parnell
The apostle Paul suffered. Did he ever.
He was imprisoned. He was beaten, often near death. He took 195 total lashes from his Jewish kinsmen on five occasions. He took three pummels with rods. He was once stoned — and then also shipwrecked three times. Then there are the endless dangers of travel in the first century, plus countless other experiences mentioned and unmentioned in the New Testament (2 Corinthians 11:21–33).
It doesn’t take long until we wonder how in the world he did it. How did he take so much pain? So much loss? How did he prepare for suffering?
The answer is in Philippians 3:7–8.
Counting Everything As Loss
In the 1992 sermon 'Called to Suffer and Rejoice: That We Might Gain Christ,' John Piper unfolds the significance of Paul counting his gain as loss. Basically, the apostle took a long look at his life apart from Christ. All the things that he valued — his Jewish pedigree, his place in the upper echelon of religious society, his law-keeping — he took a long look at this list and wrote 'LOSS' over it with a giant Sharpie.
And then we went a step further.
It wasn’t just the past values of his personal life. It wasn’t just 'whatever gain he had.' Paul looks out into the future and declares everything as loss. Everything out there that could pass as positive. Everything good that he has yet to experience and everything which he will never experience. Compared to Jesus, everything is loss.
This Is Normal Christianity
And lest we think this puts Paul on a pious pedestal, that he is at a spiritual level we’d never reach, Piper reminds us that this sort of reckoning is normal Christianity (Matthew 13:44; Luke 14:33). To consider Jesus better than everything else in the world is at the heart of what it means to be a Christian.
It may be worth reading that last sentence a couple more times, until it feels uncomfortable. Many of us are so quick to console our hearts when the least bit of unsettling winds blow through. But what about conviction? It’s a good thing not to be comfortable with a watered-down Christianity foreign to the Bible. It’s not works-righteousness to say that saving faith in Jesus means we have to really love him. It’s works-righteousness to think that our really loving him is the reason we’re saved. Paul said that everything is loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus. Paul said that and so should we.
Jesus Is Better
And that’s how Paul prepared for suffering. He saw Jesus as superior to everything else. Piper lays it out this way:
Suffering is nothing more than the taking away of bad things or good things that the world offers for our enjoyment — reputation, esteem among peers, job, money, spouse, sexual life, children, friends, health, strength, sight, hearing, success, etc. When these things are taken away (by force or by circumstance or by choice), we suffer. But if we have followed Paul and the teaching of Jesus and have already counted them as loss for the surpassing value of gaining Christ, then we are prepared to suffer.
This means that if we treasure Jesus, then every aspect of suffering in our lives is losing something we have already declared as loss.
If when you become a Christian you write a big red “LOSS” across all the things in the world except Christ, then when Christ calls you to forfeit some of those things, it is not strange or unexpected. The pain and the sorrow may be great. The tears may be many, as they were for Jesus in Gethsemane. But we will be prepared. We will know that the value of Christ surpasses all the things the world can offer and that in losing them we gain more of Christ.
Loving Him Today
None of us knows the sorrows that may meet us tomorrow and are sure to meet us if Jesus tarries. We don’t know what hardships God will call us to walk through. But even though we don’t know them, we can prepare for them. And the way we prepare for afflictions then is by gaining Jesus now.
It will not minimize the pain. Not at all. But we will know, even in the darkest night, that Jesus is our God and all, that he is our Rock and treasure, that he is enough.
The way we suit up for our sufferings tomorrow is by cultivating our love for Jesus today."
Much of what was contained in that article I already knew, and tried to communicate to myself yesterday. But there were also things I had not thought about. It was just what I needed.
I continued to feel more and more at peace throughout the day, like the Lord was enabling the release - of my sadness and of my friend - that I had so desperately sought for yesterday.
Finally, this evening I was thinking on these things as I showered and got ready (we had a discipleship/church planting 'seminar' of sorts at the church) and it almost seemed like the Lord asked me this question:
"So, if you never see him again, in your life here on earth, would you be okay with that?" And I felt pretty sure I could say, "Yes. It would be hard, but yes."
Then - almost immediately - it was like a different, wicked little voice taunted, "So... you wouldn't miss him?" Scornfully I replied, "Yeah I'd miss him!! That wasn't the question! The question was, 'If it was the Lord's will for me to never see Archer again before Heaven, would I be able to surrender to that?' And yes, I think I could. At this moment. Now, admittedly, I might not be able to say that later, even as soon as tomorrow! But right now, I think I can peacefully say, 'Yes.'"
God help me. I hope I will get to see him again, but if not, may God help me 'keep letting go' and leave him in the hands of our Lord.
I suppose my greatest anxiety/disappointment in this is that he hasn't seemed to miss us all that much. He's been back twice, that I know of, since he left two months ago. Once was for a get-together for our college group one Friday evening at Justice and Noel's place, a couple of weeks after he left. Trissy and I didn't go because we felt we had sortof promised The Grandparents we'd spend the evening with them, and we wouldn't go back on our word. We didn't find out until afterwards that Archer had been there, but we'd wondered if he would be - it would figure that we'd miss him. Landon was down visiting and was there too, so we missed both of them. Another time, he came after morning church services for Sunday dinner with his family, and went back to the church he's going to up there, before evening services. He's always just done his own thing like that, but I would have thought he'd miss us a little more. Our college group was so close. I know he loved us. He was especially close to Justice and Noel, but I don't think he's seen them more than once since that Friday night at their house.
It just hurts kindof, to think that he could so easily trade those years and all those memories together for this new life with this new college and new church. Probably that disappointment was what influenced my dream from yesterday.
But, that too, is something I must let go of and put in God's hands.
Soli Deo Gloria!
Edit: As I wrote this post, I asked Trissy what was the chapter we'd read in family devotional time this morning. She told me the chapter, but also said, 'I noticed chapter two, verse seventeen too. That's a good one.' I looked it up:
"But we, brethren, being taken from you for a short time in presence, not in heart, endeavoured the more abundantly to see your face with great desire." (1 Thessalonians 2:17)
Wow :) .
The first of three or four main things was the chapter I read in my personal Bible study time. I was ready to read 2 Corinthians 5 yesterday, but (confession is good for the soul they say, whoever 'they' are. But they are right...) I got busy and didn't ever read it. So I read it this morning. It talks about faith in the Lord's plans, love for fellow-men, and the overwhelming desire of every Christian to be ultimately free of this wicked sorrowful world and this hard life - the desire for the hastening of the time when all the believers in Christ will be gathered together in Heaven with Him, "when joy is here to stay":
"For we know that if our earthly house of this tabernacle were dissolved, we have a building of God, an house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens.
For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed upon with our house which is from heaven:If so be that being clothed we shall not be found naked.
For we that are in this tabernacle do groan, being burdened: not for that we would be unclothed, but clothed upon, that mortality might be swallowed up of life.
Now he that hath wrought us for the selfsame thing is God, who also hath given unto us the earnest of the Spirit.
Therefore we are always confident, knowing that, whilst we are at home in the body, we are absent from the Lord:
(For we walk by faith, not by sight:)
We are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and to be present with the Lord.
Wherefore we labour, that, whether present or absent, we may be accepted of him.
For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.
Knowing therefore the terror of the Lord, we persuade men; but we are made manifest unto God; and I trust also are made manifest in your consciences.
For we commend not ourselves again unto you, but give you occasion to glory on our behalf, that ye may have somewhat to answer them which glory in appearance, and not in heart.
For whether we be beside ourselves, it is to God: or whether we be sober, it is for your cause.
For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead:
And that he died for all, that they which live should not henceforth live unto themselves, but unto him which died for them, and rose again.
Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth know we him no more.
Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.
And all things are of God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation;
To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.
Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God.
For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him."
Next was the chapter we read in our family devotional time after breakfast, 1 Thessalonians 3, that speaks of friendship, separation, suffering, and being a blessing one to another:
"Wherefore when we could no longer forbear, we thought it good to be left at Athens alone;
And sent Timotheus, our brother, and minister of God, and our fellowlabourer in the gospel of Christ, to establish you, and to comfort you concerning your faith:
That no man should be moved by these afflictions: for yourselves know that we are appointed thereunto.
For verily, when we were with you, we told you before that we should suffer tribulation; even as it came to pass, and ye know.
For this cause, when I could no longer forbear, I sent to know your faith, lest by some means the tempter have tempted you, and our labour be in vain.
But now when Timotheus came from you unto us, and brought us good tidings of your faith and charity, and that ye have good remembrance of us always, desiring greatly to see us, as we also to see you:
Therefore, brethren, we were comforted over you in all our affliction and distress by your faith:
For now we live, if ye stand fast in the Lord.
For what thanks can we render to God again for you, for all the joy wherewith we joy for your sakes before our God;
Night and day praying exceedingly that we might see your face, and might perfect that which is lacking in your faith?
Now God himself and our Father, and our Lord Jesus Christ, direct our way unto you.
And the Lord make you to increase and abound in love one toward another, and toward all men, even as we do toward you:
To the end he may stablish your hearts unblameable in holiness before God, even our Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ with all his saints."
Throughout the morning, memories kept coming to mind. I helped Dad plant potatoes, and the weather reminded me alot of our 30 Hour Famine last year. I listened to the Christian radio station on my mp3 player as we had lunch, and many of the songs I heard were ones our music group had learned and/or played at the week-end camp we played for ("10,000 Reasons/Bless the Lord" and "Great I Am" really stood out). But, though thinking of those memories was a little sad, my feelings were mostly pleasant ones - my system seemed primarily to be gleaning the wonder and excitement of those times, and mostly filtering out my sadness at their being over.
Then later I came across this article from the Desiring God website. I'd seen a link to this blog post a day or so ago, and saved the window open because I didn't have time to read it right then. This afternoon I did. Perfect timing:
"How Christians Prepare for Suffering
by Johathan Parnell
The apostle Paul suffered. Did he ever.
He was imprisoned. He was beaten, often near death. He took 195 total lashes from his Jewish kinsmen on five occasions. He took three pummels with rods. He was once stoned — and then also shipwrecked three times. Then there are the endless dangers of travel in the first century, plus countless other experiences mentioned and unmentioned in the New Testament (2 Corinthians 11:21–33).
It doesn’t take long until we wonder how in the world he did it. How did he take so much pain? So much loss? How did he prepare for suffering?
The answer is in Philippians 3:7–8.
Counting Everything As Loss
In the 1992 sermon 'Called to Suffer and Rejoice: That We Might Gain Christ,' John Piper unfolds the significance of Paul counting his gain as loss. Basically, the apostle took a long look at his life apart from Christ. All the things that he valued — his Jewish pedigree, his place in the upper echelon of religious society, his law-keeping — he took a long look at this list and wrote 'LOSS' over it with a giant Sharpie.
And then we went a step further.
It wasn’t just the past values of his personal life. It wasn’t just 'whatever gain he had.' Paul looks out into the future and declares everything as loss. Everything out there that could pass as positive. Everything good that he has yet to experience and everything which he will never experience. Compared to Jesus, everything is loss.
This Is Normal Christianity
And lest we think this puts Paul on a pious pedestal, that he is at a spiritual level we’d never reach, Piper reminds us that this sort of reckoning is normal Christianity (Matthew 13:44; Luke 14:33). To consider Jesus better than everything else in the world is at the heart of what it means to be a Christian.
It may be worth reading that last sentence a couple more times, until it feels uncomfortable. Many of us are so quick to console our hearts when the least bit of unsettling winds blow through. But what about conviction? It’s a good thing not to be comfortable with a watered-down Christianity foreign to the Bible. It’s not works-righteousness to say that saving faith in Jesus means we have to really love him. It’s works-righteousness to think that our really loving him is the reason we’re saved. Paul said that everything is loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus. Paul said that and so should we.
Jesus Is Better
And that’s how Paul prepared for suffering. He saw Jesus as superior to everything else. Piper lays it out this way:
Suffering is nothing more than the taking away of bad things or good things that the world offers for our enjoyment — reputation, esteem among peers, job, money, spouse, sexual life, children, friends, health, strength, sight, hearing, success, etc. When these things are taken away (by force or by circumstance or by choice), we suffer. But if we have followed Paul and the teaching of Jesus and have already counted them as loss for the surpassing value of gaining Christ, then we are prepared to suffer.
This means that if we treasure Jesus, then every aspect of suffering in our lives is losing something we have already declared as loss.
If when you become a Christian you write a big red “LOSS” across all the things in the world except Christ, then when Christ calls you to forfeit some of those things, it is not strange or unexpected. The pain and the sorrow may be great. The tears may be many, as they were for Jesus in Gethsemane. But we will be prepared. We will know that the value of Christ surpasses all the things the world can offer and that in losing them we gain more of Christ.
Loving Him Today
None of us knows the sorrows that may meet us tomorrow and are sure to meet us if Jesus tarries. We don’t know what hardships God will call us to walk through. But even though we don’t know them, we can prepare for them. And the way we prepare for afflictions then is by gaining Jesus now.
It will not minimize the pain. Not at all. But we will know, even in the darkest night, that Jesus is our God and all, that he is our Rock and treasure, that he is enough.
The way we suit up for our sufferings tomorrow is by cultivating our love for Jesus today."
Much of what was contained in that article I already knew, and tried to communicate to myself yesterday. But there were also things I had not thought about. It was just what I needed.
I continued to feel more and more at peace throughout the day, like the Lord was enabling the release - of my sadness and of my friend - that I had so desperately sought for yesterday.
Finally, this evening I was thinking on these things as I showered and got ready (we had a discipleship/church planting 'seminar' of sorts at the church) and it almost seemed like the Lord asked me this question:
"So, if you never see him again, in your life here on earth, would you be okay with that?" And I felt pretty sure I could say, "Yes. It would be hard, but yes."
Then - almost immediately - it was like a different, wicked little voice taunted, "So... you wouldn't miss him?" Scornfully I replied, "Yeah I'd miss him!! That wasn't the question! The question was, 'If it was the Lord's will for me to never see Archer again before Heaven, would I be able to surrender to that?' And yes, I think I could. At this moment. Now, admittedly, I might not be able to say that later, even as soon as tomorrow! But right now, I think I can peacefully say, 'Yes.'"
God help me. I hope I will get to see him again, but if not, may God help me 'keep letting go' and leave him in the hands of our Lord.
I suppose my greatest anxiety/disappointment in this is that he hasn't seemed to miss us all that much. He's been back twice, that I know of, since he left two months ago. Once was for a get-together for our college group one Friday evening at Justice and Noel's place, a couple of weeks after he left. Trissy and I didn't go because we felt we had sortof promised The Grandparents we'd spend the evening with them, and we wouldn't go back on our word. We didn't find out until afterwards that Archer had been there, but we'd wondered if he would be - it would figure that we'd miss him. Landon was down visiting and was there too, so we missed both of them. Another time, he came after morning church services for Sunday dinner with his family, and went back to the church he's going to up there, before evening services. He's always just done his own thing like that, but I would have thought he'd miss us a little more. Our college group was so close. I know he loved us. He was especially close to Justice and Noel, but I don't think he's seen them more than once since that Friday night at their house.
It just hurts kindof, to think that he could so easily trade those years and all those memories together for this new life with this new college and new church. Probably that disappointment was what influenced my dream from yesterday.
But, that too, is something I must let go of and put in God's hands.
Soli Deo Gloria!
Edit: As I wrote this post, I asked Trissy what was the chapter we'd read in family devotional time this morning. She told me the chapter, but also said, 'I noticed chapter two, verse seventeen too. That's a good one.' I looked it up:
"But we, brethren, being taken from you for a short time in presence, not in heart, endeavoured the more abundantly to see your face with great desire." (1 Thessalonians 2:17)
Wow :) .
Friday, March 8, 2013
A Day Of Struggle
Last night I dreamed about him. About Archer. I dreamed we were finally going to get to go see him, except he wasn't in our little ol' local 'big city', he was in some real 'big city' somewhere, and a bunch of us from the youth group were going to take a church bus to go see him get an award for something-or-other at this black-tie, formal-dress occasion.
We found seats out in the huge, dimly-lit auditorium and watched a handful of uninteresting people walk across the bright stage with red velvet curtains behind them. Finally, the emcee called the name we waited for. We sat up straighter in our seats, and here he came. Tall and slim, wearing a black tuxedo, the black TOMS he'd worn as a groomsman in Austin and Ava's wedding, and that winning smile. We cheered as he graciously accepted his award, then craned our necks for a glimpse of that face as all the award-receivers lined up in the front, to the side of the stage, for pictures. We were as starving people, thirsty for a refreshing look, desperate for a few words with our friend.
Soon, but not soon enough for us, it was over, and the auditorium emptied. The crowds in their glittering gowns and nice suits filed calmly into the evening toward the elaborate gardens, where lavish refreshments were spread on tables and terraces sloping gracefully down to a view of the river. We took places on one terrace, trying to be patient as we waited anxiously for him to join us.
Minutes passed, then an hour, and still he didn't come. He hadn't actually said he'd come join us, but he'd known we were coming to see him... Surely he'd be here soon.
Finally someone went to find out. 'Oh, no,' was the answer, 'He was with a group from First Baptist (the church he goes to in the city where he's attending the university) and they left already.'
I saw the hearts of our whole group sink, but for myself, mine was crushed. Had he forgotten that quickly? Had he so easily traded us for others? Were we nothing more to him?
I sat on the low rock wall surrounding the terrace, unconscious that my nice clothes were getting scuffed, as I listlessly gazed out on the shimmering water. The moonlight danced on the little ripples and the black silhouettes of the tree branches spidered delicately across the sparkling, star-studded sky. But it meant nothing. I turned and looked at the sad faces of my companions, sitting stunned and silent, and saw a reflection of my own sorrow in their eyes. But I saw something else in theirs that mine did not match. They were accepting, resolute, ready to get up and start the long drive back without further weeping or protest. I turned for one last look at the water, and we left.
~
Why am I having such a hard time giving it to Him?!
It's been so hard, first, when Archer was going to be leaving; but that was still months away. I could push the thoughts back.
Then, he was going to be leaving soon, and no more would our music group and Tuesday night practices be the same; but he would be only an hour away, and at least we would still (I thought) have him back on Sundays.
But that comfort was shattered to bits, practically 'on stage' at the week-end youth retreat our music group played for.
Then, the Strength To Stand conference will be 'one last good-bye' with the youth group. But that last Sunday morning before we played, he told us he wasn't going to be able to get off work. So no STS.
But he practically promised a visit within two weeks. He kept his promise, but Trissy and I kept one of ours too, and we missed him.
My 'last comfort' was that Julia would be going to the same college in the fall, and maybe things would spark again between them and the Lord would answer that prayer and dream and wish of mine for these two dear friends.
Tuesday night at practice, Julia told us that she's about 95% sure the Lord's directing her to a college about 4 hours away - so... she probably won't be going to the one where he is.
Why can't I trust my God?! Why can't I trust Him?! Time after time He has proven Himself trustworthy! Time after time He has worked things out for the good of us who are His. Why can't I just seem to let this go? I even keep dreaming about him - I can't get peace from my sadness and worry, even in my sleep. It's as if something in me won't let go of it, even though the rest of me is struggling desperately to give it up and to move on. I know the Lord will work it out (as always, it's just so hard to 'wait and see' how) - why can't I give it up to Him? Maybe it's because I don't want to forget. I don't want the lessons and times and memories to die when a friend leaves.
I don't want to forget; but isn't there some way I could remember the memories and surrender the pain?!
We found seats out in the huge, dimly-lit auditorium and watched a handful of uninteresting people walk across the bright stage with red velvet curtains behind them. Finally, the emcee called the name we waited for. We sat up straighter in our seats, and here he came. Tall and slim, wearing a black tuxedo, the black TOMS he'd worn as a groomsman in Austin and Ava's wedding, and that winning smile. We cheered as he graciously accepted his award, then craned our necks for a glimpse of that face as all the award-receivers lined up in the front, to the side of the stage, for pictures. We were as starving people, thirsty for a refreshing look, desperate for a few words with our friend.
Soon, but not soon enough for us, it was over, and the auditorium emptied. The crowds in their glittering gowns and nice suits filed calmly into the evening toward the elaborate gardens, where lavish refreshments were spread on tables and terraces sloping gracefully down to a view of the river. We took places on one terrace, trying to be patient as we waited anxiously for him to join us.
Minutes passed, then an hour, and still he didn't come. He hadn't actually said he'd come join us, but he'd known we were coming to see him... Surely he'd be here soon.
Finally someone went to find out. 'Oh, no,' was the answer, 'He was with a group from First Baptist (the church he goes to in the city where he's attending the university) and they left already.'
I saw the hearts of our whole group sink, but for myself, mine was crushed. Had he forgotten that quickly? Had he so easily traded us for others? Were we nothing more to him?
I sat on the low rock wall surrounding the terrace, unconscious that my nice clothes were getting scuffed, as I listlessly gazed out on the shimmering water. The moonlight danced on the little ripples and the black silhouettes of the tree branches spidered delicately across the sparkling, star-studded sky. But it meant nothing. I turned and looked at the sad faces of my companions, sitting stunned and silent, and saw a reflection of my own sorrow in their eyes. But I saw something else in theirs that mine did not match. They were accepting, resolute, ready to get up and start the long drive back without further weeping or protest. I turned for one last look at the water, and we left.
~
Why am I having such a hard time giving it to Him?!
It's been so hard, first, when Archer was going to be leaving; but that was still months away. I could push the thoughts back.
Then, he was going to be leaving soon, and no more would our music group and Tuesday night practices be the same; but he would be only an hour away, and at least we would still (I thought) have him back on Sundays.
But that comfort was shattered to bits, practically 'on stage' at the week-end youth retreat our music group played for.
Then, the Strength To Stand conference will be 'one last good-bye' with the youth group. But that last Sunday morning before we played, he told us he wasn't going to be able to get off work. So no STS.
But he practically promised a visit within two weeks. He kept his promise, but Trissy and I kept one of ours too, and we missed him.
My 'last comfort' was that Julia would be going to the same college in the fall, and maybe things would spark again between them and the Lord would answer that prayer and dream and wish of mine for these two dear friends.
Tuesday night at practice, Julia told us that she's about 95% sure the Lord's directing her to a college about 4 hours away - so... she probably won't be going to the one where he is.
Why can't I trust my God?! Why can't I trust Him?! Time after time He has proven Himself trustworthy! Time after time He has worked things out for the good of us who are His. Why can't I just seem to let this go? I even keep dreaming about him - I can't get peace from my sadness and worry, even in my sleep. It's as if something in me won't let go of it, even though the rest of me is struggling desperately to give it up and to move on. I know the Lord will work it out (as always, it's just so hard to 'wait and see' how) - why can't I give it up to Him? Maybe it's because I don't want to forget. I don't want the lessons and times and memories to die when a friend leaves.
I don't want to forget; but isn't there some way I could remember the memories and surrender the pain?!
"5 Small Things Friday" No. 75
Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".
For this week, here is my list:
1. Sight: Stars
2. Hearing: Justice And Noel Are Staying
3. Smell:
4. Taste: Ava's Red Velvet Cake Balls
5. Touch: Shower Wall
The stories behind the list:
1. When I came in from work Thursday night, I was pretty worn out. But I was still trying to get a bunch of my stuff done around the house that gets put off because of work. I had something that was supposed to go in my car to be taken somewhere, so I hurried outside to put it in my car for the next day. But when I got outside, I stopped hurrying. The stars were amazing. It was a perfectly clear night and I could see them laid out in text-book clarity. The sky was a dark rich blue deepness and the stars were scattered diamonds, shining in the brilliance of something reflecting perfect light. Points of glitter, shining perfection piercing my desperate haste.
Their stunning beauty, and the resulting implication of how incredible their Designer has to be, brought back the words of a dear young friend: 'Hey, the stars are powerful!"
2. For this story, see the 'Sunday night edit' towards the end of this post.
3.
4. Sweet Ava is desperately wanting to learn how to cook. Especially since her husband knows more than she does in that department, and she wants to be the one to cook for him, not the other way around :) . She is branching out and trying new things along. She gets alot of ideas and recipes from the internet, especially Pinterest. Last week she made some red velvet cake balls. She was so proud of herself and when Trissy and I stopped by their house one evening for something, she insisted on sending some home with us! I'm really trying to eat less dessert, so I didn't try them for a few days, but when I did, I wanted to 'ration' them and make them last as long as possible - they were so yummy!
5. In December, our college group decided to suspend our Thursday Night College Bible Study until the new year, with how busy everyone was for the holidays and all. I thought to myself then, 'If we quit now, we're liable not to start back.'
And we haven't.
This Thursday night I was feeling probably the 'down-est' I've felt about it since we unofficially quit. Things have slowed back down now, and there's a Thursday evening gap in my life now that used to be filled with friends, Christian fellowship, discussion, ideas, challenges, encouragement, exhortation, fun, and Bible study. Not that those things don't exist other places as well... it's just that, those times were something extra special. Memories, priceless lessons, and I hate to know they're gone.
I felt so exhausted as I got ready for bed. Not just physically, but, it seemed like my very soul was just tired. In the shower, I leaned against the wall and prayed. And in the warm water and the solid, smooth shower wall, I felt like the Lord was sending me comfort and strength. Weird maybe, but I believe He uses little things like that.
'No guy?! You're crazy!'
Note: People who know me don't understand why I don't want a boyfriend or want to get married. But that's simply how it is. My Jesus is the One Who has my heart - I feel no 'need' for romantic love from someone else. I love people, I love my family, and I love my friends - passionately. But I love them as fellow human beings, as family, or as friends.
People think I'm crazy.
No one understands
why I don't want someone
to steal my heart or hold my hand.
People think I'm crazy.
They all act like I'm strange
because I like the way things are.
I don't want that kind of change.
People think I'm crazy
because I'm satisfied
with being loved just by the One
Whose love for me caused Him to die.
People think I'm crazy
because I am only obsessed
with the love and strength of Christ my Lord
and with His kindness.
People think I'm crazy.
I'm not like they are -
I don't care about that world
of dreamy eyes and 'in-love' hearts.
People think I'm crazy,
and actually, it's true.
I've already given away my heart -
I'm crazy only over You.
Copyright 2013 by Kyrie McAlan
People think I'm crazy.
No one understands
why I don't want someone
to steal my heart or hold my hand.
People think I'm crazy.
They all act like I'm strange
because I like the way things are.
I don't want that kind of change.
People think I'm crazy
because I'm satisfied
with being loved just by the One
Whose love for me caused Him to die.
People think I'm crazy
because I am only obsessed
with the love and strength of Christ my Lord
and with His kindness.
People think I'm crazy.
I'm not like they are -
I don't care about that world
of dreamy eyes and 'in-love' hearts.
People think I'm crazy,
and actually, it's true.
I've already given away my heart -
I'm crazy only over You.
Copyright 2013 by Kyrie McAlan
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
S.O.A.P. Journaling - Ephesians 4
My S.O.A.P. Journal entry from this week's mentoring/discipleship session with Joy:
Date: Mar. 6, 2013
Passage: Ephesians 4
Scripture:
"... put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. ... putting away lying, ... Be ye angry and sin not: ... Neither give place to the devil. ... steal no more: ... Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, ... " verses 22-30
Observation:
I love how the apostle Paul's books are all full of practical in instruction on how to live a Christian life. Especially the book of Ephesians.
Application:
If we are truly new creatures in Christ, there are lifestyle changes that will naturally occur. And others, that we may have to work on changing. No lying. Do not let your anger control you or cause you to sin. Do not allow the devil to talk you into something your conscience is cautioning you against. Do not steal - things, money, attention, time, or anything else. Speak only good, kind, graceful, spiritual things. And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God.
Prayer:
"Oh Father help me to 'put off the old man' - my old self that is so corrupt - and be renewed by Your Spirit. Help me to be no liar, to not sin when I am angry, to not give in to the devil, to not steal, to only speak good things, and above all, to not grieve the Holy Spirit of God."
Date: Mar. 6, 2013
Passage: Ephesians 4
Scripture:
"... put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. ... putting away lying, ... Be ye angry and sin not: ... Neither give place to the devil. ... steal no more: ... Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, ... " verses 22-30
Observation:
I love how the apostle Paul's books are all full of practical in instruction on how to live a Christian life. Especially the book of Ephesians.
Application:
If we are truly new creatures in Christ, there are lifestyle changes that will naturally occur. And others, that we may have to work on changing. No lying. Do not let your anger control you or cause you to sin. Do not allow the devil to talk you into something your conscience is cautioning you against. Do not steal - things, money, attention, time, or anything else. Speak only good, kind, graceful, spiritual things. And do not grieve the holy Spirit of God.
Prayer:
"Oh Father help me to 'put off the old man' - my old self that is so corrupt - and be renewed by Your Spirit. Help me to be no liar, to not sin when I am angry, to not give in to the devil, to not steal, to only speak good things, and above all, to not grieve the Holy Spirit of God."
Sunday, March 3, 2013
Sunday, Mar. 3, 2013
I miss Archer. It's just that simple. I miss him alot.
Every Sunday I think it will be okay, that all the other wonderful people the Lord has blessed me with at Victory Rd. will fill my heart and thoughts.
I try not to talk about it much. I don't want people to misunderstand and get the wrong idea about how I feel about him. But my college friends at Victory Rd. are like family to me - almost literally. I've never had such a large set of close, wonderful friends my own age like I have had the past four years in this group. I've always wished I had more brothers and sisters, especially brothers, and especially brothers my age, or older. This group has done much to fill that void. I love all the guys. Each one holds a special unique place in my heart. But Archer and Austin are different somehow. I don't love them more than I love the others, but I love them differently. I feel toward them like I always imagined I'd feel towards my real brother if I had one. Of all the guys, these two are closest to being my 'brothers'.
So, I miss my brother. It's similar to how I felt 2009-2010 when Austin was gone on that almost-a-year-long mission trip to a country hostile to the Gospel. But, he was gone on a mission trip, which made it more bearable. And the plan was for him to be back in a few months. We e-mailed him back and forth all the time. And we Skyped him nearly every Sunday morning before church. When he came back, things fell back into the old comfortable familiarity, and life felt 'right' again.
Archer's just gone.
This morning was really good and really hard, both. Austin played acoustic guitar for the music service, and it was bringing back memories of the couple of months last year (or was it the year before?) when he was playing acoustic and Archer played bass. But no one could ever hear the bass, and Archer wouldn't turn it up or play louder, so finally Bro. Dennis recruited Law to play bass, put Archer on acoustic, and Austin on electric. Perfect. Bro. Dennis even said, 'Why haven't we done this before?'
But then those thoughts also brought back the pain of the fact that Bro. Dennis isn't the music minister anymore. And one of the songs we sang this morning was one Mrs. Renae always sang so wonderfully. I was in the choir of course, and it was so hard to get through that one.
And after church I heard someone discussing the progress of the fix-up work on the house Bro. Mike's family lived in, in preparation for Bro. Nick and Lydia and their family to move in.
Victory Rd.'s face is changing. Trent, one of the younger boys in the youth group, plays acoustic guitar with us on Wednesday nights in Archer's place. He's a nice kid, and a talented guitarist. Bro. Nick's family is settling in and becoming a part of us. In preparation for moving on to wherever the Lord will have him and Noel go, Justice stepped down as teacher of our college Sunday School class, it was put on hold until a new teacher could be found, and the members have scattered into other classes for the time being. In fact, our first Sunday to go to different classes was Bro. Mike's family's and Archer's last one at Victory Rd (Jan. 13).
So my little corner of the world at Victory Rd. now looks very different from what it did a year ago - that time being a sample of what I consider some of the best, most wonderful, and most 'growing' times of my life.
And gradually, I think I'm painfully getting used to it. But it almost seems like getting used to an amputation. I've never had an amputation, and I in no way pretend to understand that actual, physical type of pain. Yet, I almost feel like I've gone through something similar. I keep functioning, but parts of my life are gone. The scar is healing over, but there are blank empty spots where vital parts used to be, and sometimes I find myself cruelly and suddenly re-awakened to the fact that they aren't there anymore. Like that song Mrs. Renae used to sing. It was so unexpected, and I nearly lost control of my emotions, right there in the choir in front of everybody. Or seeing Austin playing his heart out and looking over, and there being only an empty space of carpet where Archer used to stand and do the same. Or asking Bro. Dennis a question and, in his answer, realizing I hadn't heard his voice speaking directly to me in literally months, when I used to be the constant brunt of his good-natured wit and jokes. Or hearing someone say something mildly critical of Bro. Mike's family, and thinking how unfair and inconsiderate it was.
And yet life moves on anyway, and there are good things happening too.
1) Aron's cousin's husband recently realized he feels like the Lord is leading him to preach, and Bro. Earl had him preach the morning sermon today. He spoke on leadership, the Old-Testament transition from Elijah to Elisha, and did very well for his first sermon!
2) Law is constantly surprising me with how he is growing in his Christian walk. It's almost as if, around the first of the year, a switch was flipped, and since then it's been slow, steady, constant progress. Watching his attitude and peace and growth has been the single greatest encouragement to me during these recent hard times of change. Oh how I praise the Lord! I think I understand a little of how the apostle John felt when he wrote, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4) Oh how thankful! Oh how thankful I am!!
3) There are four babies being added to the church in the fall, three of them coming to families among our college group. Aron and Henley, Aron's cousin and her husband, and Justice and Noel. Praise the Lord!
4) My JV kids on Wednesday nights are such a blessing. Some are just silly and don't seem to care really. Yet I'm glad they are at church instead of off getting into mischief. Many of them though, truly seem to desire to learn and grow more. As time has come along, my thought of, "What am I doing here?!" at the first of the school year when the class started, has changed to, "These kids have so much potential - Lord, help me help them!" The questions they ask, the things they remember, their searching longing, and the discussions we have during small-group time, and Ava and Ashlyn's support as my 'assistant group leaders' have been such blessings.
5) I'm enjoying my Wednesday-afternoon weekly discipleship sessions with Joy so much. She is such a sweet girl with so much potential. We've only had three so far (we missed one week since we started), but I have great hopes for the future. How I pray that the Lord would use these times to grow us both!
6) Tuesday night music practices are again one of the highlights of my week. No, Archer is not there anymore, but the others still are, and the young man who has taken his place is willing, talented, good-natured, and brings his own unique 'flavor' to the group. I try not to think of him as 'Archer's replacement' (just as I try not to think of Bro. Nick's family as 'Bro. Mike's family's replacement'), but as himself. When I do that, I really enjoy the new dynamics. The way some of the other members of the group have pulled together, stepped up, taken up the slack, and bravely kept on and not given up has been such a blessing and encouragement. Things threatened to fall apart there for a couple of weeks - I mean, Archer was our leader! - but various members have shifted responsibilities so they could take a little of his, we've 'kept our chin up', so to speak, and I think we're settling in to a 'new normal'.
7) And all the dear people who have not left. My merciful heavenly Friend has seen fit to leave to me so many of my precious earthly friends. Justice and Noel are still here, for the time being - they feel the Lord may soon be directing them to a different place of service. Austin and Ava are still here, for the time being - Austin is seeking a full-time music ministry position. Toby and Lindy are still here, for the time being - after their wedding this summer, they will probably end up as missionaries in a Latin country; a mutual love for missions and Spanish-speaking people are probably their biggest passions. Aron and Henley and little Timothy are still here. Aron's cousin and her family. Autumn, Julia and her parents, Law, Abigail, Piper, and Bro. and Mrs. S., Nicole and her husband and parents and little brother, Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen, my 'brown-eyed boy', Simon, Joy, and their parents, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and little Maxwell, and so many others.
"There will always be someone..."
~
Sunday night edit: So, at our Sunday night college supper after church, Justice told us that he and Noel are going to be sticking around for a while. The Sunday School class is going to start up again, and he's going to teach it. He (and Noel said the same thing later) said that it just seems like the Lord keeps closing doors that they thought they might be supposed to go through, and so they'll just stay on here until they feel they have a clear calling to go somewhere else. They're planning to buy a house, and he's planning on finishing up school.
So, we get to keep them a little longer.
Wow. Oh how thankful I am! My Lord is so merciful!
After everyone else had left (the supper was held in the church's fellowship hall this week), it was just Aron and Henley, Toby and Lindy, and Trissy and me left, and we had a good conversation standing, 'on our way out the door', for about half an hour. We talked about the difficulties of trying to sell hand-made crafts in this area, mission trip preparations, concern over Randy, who seems to be going through a strange rough spell, missing Bro. Dennis teaching our college Sunday School class, gladness that Justice is planning to start it back up again, missing Bro. Mike, etc.
It had been Trissy's and my turn to cook, and as we were all getting ready to leave, Aron told Trissy he would take our big tote basket full of food and dishes out to my car for us. I already had it, but must have missed his offer - I'd just remembered we needed to turn off the lights before we left - and hurriedly swung back around to go flip the switch in the hallway. Aron grabbed my jacket sleeve to slow me down as Trissy called to get my attention. As I laughingly handed the big basket over, Aron grinned and said, "Kyrie, you have two speeds: 'fast' and 'wide open'!"
I love my friends so much! It was a hard day, but the Lord blessed me with this nice evening - I'm so thankful for His kindness.
Every Sunday I think it will be okay, that all the other wonderful people the Lord has blessed me with at Victory Rd. will fill my heart and thoughts.
I try not to talk about it much. I don't want people to misunderstand and get the wrong idea about how I feel about him. But my college friends at Victory Rd. are like family to me - almost literally. I've never had such a large set of close, wonderful friends my own age like I have had the past four years in this group. I've always wished I had more brothers and sisters, especially brothers, and especially brothers my age, or older. This group has done much to fill that void. I love all the guys. Each one holds a special unique place in my heart. But Archer and Austin are different somehow. I don't love them more than I love the others, but I love them differently. I feel toward them like I always imagined I'd feel towards my real brother if I had one. Of all the guys, these two are closest to being my 'brothers'.
So, I miss my brother. It's similar to how I felt 2009-2010 when Austin was gone on that almost-a-year-long mission trip to a country hostile to the Gospel. But, he was gone on a mission trip, which made it more bearable. And the plan was for him to be back in a few months. We e-mailed him back and forth all the time. And we Skyped him nearly every Sunday morning before church. When he came back, things fell back into the old comfortable familiarity, and life felt 'right' again.
Archer's just gone.
This morning was really good and really hard, both. Austin played acoustic guitar for the music service, and it was bringing back memories of the couple of months last year (or was it the year before?) when he was playing acoustic and Archer played bass. But no one could ever hear the bass, and Archer wouldn't turn it up or play louder, so finally Bro. Dennis recruited Law to play bass, put Archer on acoustic, and Austin on electric. Perfect. Bro. Dennis even said, 'Why haven't we done this before?'
But then those thoughts also brought back the pain of the fact that Bro. Dennis isn't the music minister anymore. And one of the songs we sang this morning was one Mrs. Renae always sang so wonderfully. I was in the choir of course, and it was so hard to get through that one.
And after church I heard someone discussing the progress of the fix-up work on the house Bro. Mike's family lived in, in preparation for Bro. Nick and Lydia and their family to move in.
Victory Rd.'s face is changing. Trent, one of the younger boys in the youth group, plays acoustic guitar with us on Wednesday nights in Archer's place. He's a nice kid, and a talented guitarist. Bro. Nick's family is settling in and becoming a part of us. In preparation for moving on to wherever the Lord will have him and Noel go, Justice stepped down as teacher of our college Sunday School class, it was put on hold until a new teacher could be found, and the members have scattered into other classes for the time being. In fact, our first Sunday to go to different classes was Bro. Mike's family's and Archer's last one at Victory Rd (Jan. 13).
So my little corner of the world at Victory Rd. now looks very different from what it did a year ago - that time being a sample of what I consider some of the best, most wonderful, and most 'growing' times of my life.
And gradually, I think I'm painfully getting used to it. But it almost seems like getting used to an amputation. I've never had an amputation, and I in no way pretend to understand that actual, physical type of pain. Yet, I almost feel like I've gone through something similar. I keep functioning, but parts of my life are gone. The scar is healing over, but there are blank empty spots where vital parts used to be, and sometimes I find myself cruelly and suddenly re-awakened to the fact that they aren't there anymore. Like that song Mrs. Renae used to sing. It was so unexpected, and I nearly lost control of my emotions, right there in the choir in front of everybody. Or seeing Austin playing his heart out and looking over, and there being only an empty space of carpet where Archer used to stand and do the same. Or asking Bro. Dennis a question and, in his answer, realizing I hadn't heard his voice speaking directly to me in literally months, when I used to be the constant brunt of his good-natured wit and jokes. Or hearing someone say something mildly critical of Bro. Mike's family, and thinking how unfair and inconsiderate it was.
And yet life moves on anyway, and there are good things happening too.
1) Aron's cousin's husband recently realized he feels like the Lord is leading him to preach, and Bro. Earl had him preach the morning sermon today. He spoke on leadership, the Old-Testament transition from Elijah to Elisha, and did very well for his first sermon!
2) Law is constantly surprising me with how he is growing in his Christian walk. It's almost as if, around the first of the year, a switch was flipped, and since then it's been slow, steady, constant progress. Watching his attitude and peace and growth has been the single greatest encouragement to me during these recent hard times of change. Oh how I praise the Lord! I think I understand a little of how the apostle John felt when he wrote, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." (3 John 1:4) Oh how thankful! Oh how thankful I am!!
3) There are four babies being added to the church in the fall, three of them coming to families among our college group. Aron and Henley, Aron's cousin and her husband, and Justice and Noel. Praise the Lord!
4) My JV kids on Wednesday nights are such a blessing. Some are just silly and don't seem to care really. Yet I'm glad they are at church instead of off getting into mischief. Many of them though, truly seem to desire to learn and grow more. As time has come along, my thought of, "What am I doing here?!" at the first of the school year when the class started, has changed to, "These kids have so much potential - Lord, help me help them!" The questions they ask, the things they remember, their searching longing, and the discussions we have during small-group time, and Ava and Ashlyn's support as my 'assistant group leaders' have been such blessings.
5) I'm enjoying my Wednesday-afternoon weekly discipleship sessions with Joy so much. She is such a sweet girl with so much potential. We've only had three so far (we missed one week since we started), but I have great hopes for the future. How I pray that the Lord would use these times to grow us both!
6) Tuesday night music practices are again one of the highlights of my week. No, Archer is not there anymore, but the others still are, and the young man who has taken his place is willing, talented, good-natured, and brings his own unique 'flavor' to the group. I try not to think of him as 'Archer's replacement' (just as I try not to think of Bro. Nick's family as 'Bro. Mike's family's replacement'), but as himself. When I do that, I really enjoy the new dynamics. The way some of the other members of the group have pulled together, stepped up, taken up the slack, and bravely kept on and not given up has been such a blessing and encouragement. Things threatened to fall apart there for a couple of weeks - I mean, Archer was our leader! - but various members have shifted responsibilities so they could take a little of his, we've 'kept our chin up', so to speak, and I think we're settling in to a 'new normal'.
7) And all the dear people who have not left. My merciful heavenly Friend has seen fit to leave to me so many of my precious earthly friends. Justice and Noel are still here, for the time being - they feel the Lord may soon be directing them to a different place of service. Austin and Ava are still here, for the time being - Austin is seeking a full-time music ministry position. Toby and Lindy are still here, for the time being - after their wedding this summer, they will probably end up as missionaries in a Latin country; a mutual love for missions and Spanish-speaking people are probably their biggest passions. Aron and Henley and little Timothy are still here. Aron's cousin and her family. Autumn, Julia and her parents, Law, Abigail, Piper, and Bro. and Mrs. S., Nicole and her husband and parents and little brother, Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen, my 'brown-eyed boy', Simon, Joy, and their parents, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and little Maxwell, and so many others.
"There will always be someone..."
~
Sunday night edit: So, at our Sunday night college supper after church, Justice told us that he and Noel are going to be sticking around for a while. The Sunday School class is going to start up again, and he's going to teach it. He (and Noel said the same thing later) said that it just seems like the Lord keeps closing doors that they thought they might be supposed to go through, and so they'll just stay on here until they feel they have a clear calling to go somewhere else. They're planning to buy a house, and he's planning on finishing up school.
So, we get to keep them a little longer.
Wow. Oh how thankful I am! My Lord is so merciful!
After everyone else had left (the supper was held in the church's fellowship hall this week), it was just Aron and Henley, Toby and Lindy, and Trissy and me left, and we had a good conversation standing, 'on our way out the door', for about half an hour. We talked about the difficulties of trying to sell hand-made crafts in this area, mission trip preparations, concern over Randy, who seems to be going through a strange rough spell, missing Bro. Dennis teaching our college Sunday School class, gladness that Justice is planning to start it back up again, missing Bro. Mike, etc.
It had been Trissy's and my turn to cook, and as we were all getting ready to leave, Aron told Trissy he would take our big tote basket full of food and dishes out to my car for us. I already had it, but must have missed his offer - I'd just remembered we needed to turn off the lights before we left - and hurriedly swung back around to go flip the switch in the hallway. Aron grabbed my jacket sleeve to slow me down as Trissy called to get my attention. As I laughingly handed the big basket over, Aron grinned and said, "Kyrie, you have two speeds: 'fast' and 'wide open'!"
I love my friends so much! It was a hard day, but the Lord blessed me with this nice evening - I'm so thankful for His kindness.
Friday, March 1, 2013
Thursday, Feb. 28, 2013
Yesterday was an interesting one. Quite eventful; at least, it seemed so in the way it impacted me. Not the 'normal' go-to-work-at-the-restaurant-in-the-morning-then-head-to-VRCA-for-work-in-the-afternoon Thursday.
It started out with my personal Bible study time, and the topic in the devotional book I'm reading through. The focus verse was Psalm 37:7:
"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him:..."
At the bottom of the page was a closing thought: "Put your to-do list down and instead spend five minutes in stillness before Jesus praising Him and asking Him to show up in your day."
Now, I must confess, I realized that I've been subconsciously priding myself on the fact that I am able to focus on the Lord throughout my day, whether I'm busy 'doing' or whether I'm spending intentional time studying things of God. In the last few days I've been consciously working on getting some unfinished projects completed, or start and finish some that I've been wanting to do for a while. Besides working two part-time jobs, being very involved at church, and doing my chores and errands to help the family. In other words, I've been busy. What I call "comfortably busy" (busy enough to not be wasting time, but not so busy that I'm worn to a frazzle either), but still busy. I wake up in the morning already planning how I want to use the day and what I want to see accomplished in it.
But this little suggestion seemed like a 'noble' one and I thought, 'Hey, I've got this - spend just 5 more minutes here at the end of my Bible study time, simply praising the Lord? I can do that. My to-do list isn't too complicated today.'
How dumb I am.
It actually was more difficult than I thought. For my naturally active spirit, not to mention the rest of the day waiting to be used, it was hard to keep my mind off of the projects I was wanting to get done, and simply praise the Lord for even those five minutes. But as I focused and made myself really think about thanking and praising God for His incredible work in my life and in the lives of those I love, I found my heart even lighter than when I'd started.
And little did I know how those few minutes would set up the strength I needed for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was The Grandparents' wedding anniversary. 66 years. In today's world of no-guilt, quick-and-easy divorce practices, I am SO thankful for the example and track record of my ancestors.
I had to be at work at the restaurant at 10:00, so Mom, Trissy and I went up the road to their house to congratulate them and give their gifts before I left. An iPad (Uncle David's idea :) ), and a family calendar with all the family anniversaries, birthdays, important dates, and lots of pictures (the Shutterfly project of one of the cousins - it turned out great!), both from the whole family of The Grandparents' descendants, who chipped in to make it happen. They were thrilled!
I had to leave for work right away, but Mom and Trissy were planning to spend the day with them, just visiting and spending time together.
Work was interesting. Ok, it was awful. Or very easily could have been.
There is a new girl, and I've been helping train her. So far the days she's worked have been pretty slow, so she's been able to have time to start getting the hang of things without alot of pressure. Yesterday was only her fourth day, I believe.
Yesterday was not a slow day. We had one cook in the back, and a new girl up front to serve, and a ton of customers in a very small window of time, many of them grumpy difficult ones. We finally stopped answering the phone for call-in orders - we were swamped just trying to take care of the people who were already in line at the front window or at the drive-thru.
Our cook - normally pretty good-natured, and respectful of my dislike of foul language - was absolutely swamped, furious angry, frantic for a cigarette, and cussing like a tea kettle letting off steam when the water's boiling. The poor new girl was almost in tears from the disrespect of dissatisfied customers and the frustration of making mistakes under the pressure.
I tried my best to calm the cook, who was not unduly frustrated (just showing her frustration inappropriately), and comfort the new girl, who was honestly doing her best, just not experienced enough yet to stay on top of things. I myself was barely keeping 'my head above water', so to speak, and I've been there several months!
To top it all off, when the rush had slowed down and we were taking a minute to 'rest and recuperate', the new girl shyly asked me if I would do her a favor. She seems like a nice girl, pleasant and easy to get along with, but something about the way she hesitated when she asked, made me say, "Well, maybe. What is it?" instead of, "Sure!" like I normally would.
Immediately, as if she'd thought it the rest of the way through just since she'd asked, she said, 'No, never mind, I don't think you would want to... Never mind, it's okay.'
I wanted to show that my hesitation was not because I wasn't willing to help her out, it just depended on what she was going to ask. I tried to make my face and voice friendly to put her at ease as I said, 'Well, you can ask me anyway! And I might say no, but I might say yes. What is it?'
She still looked self-conscious and almost embarrassed, shaking her head, 'No, I don't think you will, but, I was wondering if you could take me to the store, and go in for me, but I'd give you money, and... buy me some cigarettes...?'
Several important thoughts flashed through my mind in quick succession. One, I wasn't surprised, I was saddened; two, she couldn't even buy them for herself because she was underage, and would have to have someone old enough get them for her; three, I was thankful she had been able to realize enough about me to realize I wouldn't approve and probably wouldn't agree to it; four, she was right - I wouldn't do it for her; and five, and most important, she must not get the impression that I judged or would shun her for it - either for smoking or for asking me to help her get the cigarettes illegally. Showing the love of Christ to people is the most effective way to share Him with them.
"Oh," I said slowly, hesitation and regret both on my face.
"Yeah," she said, looking even more guilty and self-conscious.
I shook my head apologetically. 'No... I'm sorry, I can't.'
She nodded. 'It's okay', she said, looking like the tension maybe wasn't as great.
'I'm sorry,' I said again, apologetically, and impulsively reached out and hugged her.
'It's alright, don't worry about it, I'm not mad at you or anything,' She looked now like she was trying to put me at ease!
There was really nothing else to say, so we went back to our jobs in a silence that was a little awkward, but we were soon busy again and moved on.
The cook finished an order of fries for a customer who had been especially difficult and had gone back to her car to wait. I took it to the window and smiled and waved at her to show it was ready. The new girl, watching, said, 'I don't know how you can smile like that when people have been so awful. I just want to punch somebody in the face.'
I smiled and shrugged. 'Well...' the woman had come to the window. 'I'll tell you in a minute.'
I opened the window, smiled and said, 'Here you go. Thank you.' as I handed the woman her fries. She took them and stomped off. I shut the window and turned back to my co-worker, raising my eyebrows in a self-deprecating gesture. 'If I didn't have Jesus in my life, I couldn't smile! He's the One Who helps me! If it wasn't for Him, I would be so mad at some people right now!'
She stood with her arms folded, looking vacantly out the window. 'Yeah,' she murmured, 'I'm so frustrated right now.'
I didn't keep talking. Her attention had wandered when I mentioned Jesus, but at least I'd been able to tell her the Reason for my joy. Maybe I'd get another chance sometime.
Another customer was coming to the window, and the day moved on.
But when I got off at 2:00, I parted with each of my co-workers on friendly terms. I pray often that the Lord would use me in that place!
I'd planned to buy my lunch, and since Law's recommendation of McDonald's oatmeal Wednesday night (I plan to tell that story in another post), I decided to have that. I knew I wanted to get it yesterday, while the idea was fresh (besides, all I'd been able to think about since our conversation, was oatmeal with apple chunks in it :) !). Especially if Law was working, I wanted him to know I'd acted on his suggestion. At first I couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to go through the drive-thru, or go in. If I went in, I could sit in there until time to be at the academy (about 40 minutes or so), but he might not know I'd come by, since he works in the back. If I went through the drive-thru, he'd hear my voice and know, but then I'd need to decide where to go to sit and eat.
I was really ready for that oatmeal by the time I left the restaurant at 2:00! As I pulled into McD's parking lot, I decided on the drive-thru. I was tired and hungry - I didn't want to have to get out and go in.
There were several cars in front of me, giving me time to gather the little herd of change I was going to 'use up' to pay with. The car ahead of me pulled forward, and I had a funny feeling as I ordered, like I was on stage, or had an audience or something. I felt a little self-conscious, but tried to be cheerful and pleasant. Good-natured customers are so nice - I know from experience!
'Um, yes ma'am, I'd to try your oatmeal, with the chunks of apple in it.' I couldn't see a listing for it on the menu, and didn't know what to say! I felt like such a dork :) !
There was a long pause, then she politely asked if that would be all. I asked for a cup of water, and she told me it would be "Two-seventeen at the first window."
I pulled up to the first window, and as the girl opened it and repeated my total, a bright face with raised eyebrows and a pleased, mischievous smirk under a black McDonald's cap appeared beyond her shoulder. I laughed out loud!
'I told you it isn't healthy for you.' he warned, grinning. Those amazing summer-forest eyes were definitely leaning to the 'sky' element of the color.
"I know," I responded, handing the girl my money, "but ever since last night all I could think about was oatmeal with apples in it!"
"Well you won't be disappointed!" he assured me, backing away to return to his grill, still with that happy smile.
And I left with my spirits greatly uplifted, cradling my little cardboard cup of warm oatmeal, and chuckling to myself happily as I pulled onto the highway and went on to the school. That was just the cheer-up-er I needed!
I ended up sitting in VRCA's parking lot for the half-hour before I had to go in, eating that very delicious, very fruity cup of oatmeal, and praising the Lord for His mercy and kindness - in my life, and in the lives of those I care about.
How good He is to me! How good He is! How thankful I am that He controls it all!
It started out with my personal Bible study time, and the topic in the devotional book I'm reading through. The focus verse was Psalm 37:7:
"Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him:..."
At the bottom of the page was a closing thought: "Put your to-do list down and instead spend five minutes in stillness before Jesus praising Him and asking Him to show up in your day."
Now, I must confess, I realized that I've been subconsciously priding myself on the fact that I am able to focus on the Lord throughout my day, whether I'm busy 'doing' or whether I'm spending intentional time studying things of God. In the last few days I've been consciously working on getting some unfinished projects completed, or start and finish some that I've been wanting to do for a while. Besides working two part-time jobs, being very involved at church, and doing my chores and errands to help the family. In other words, I've been busy. What I call "comfortably busy" (busy enough to not be wasting time, but not so busy that I'm worn to a frazzle either), but still busy. I wake up in the morning already planning how I want to use the day and what I want to see accomplished in it.
But this little suggestion seemed like a 'noble' one and I thought, 'Hey, I've got this - spend just 5 more minutes here at the end of my Bible study time, simply praising the Lord? I can do that. My to-do list isn't too complicated today.'
How dumb I am.
It actually was more difficult than I thought. For my naturally active spirit, not to mention the rest of the day waiting to be used, it was hard to keep my mind off of the projects I was wanting to get done, and simply praise the Lord for even those five minutes. But as I focused and made myself really think about thanking and praising God for His incredible work in my life and in the lives of those I love, I found my heart even lighter than when I'd started.
And little did I know how those few minutes would set up the strength I needed for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was The Grandparents' wedding anniversary. 66 years. In today's world of no-guilt, quick-and-easy divorce practices, I am SO thankful for the example and track record of my ancestors.
I had to be at work at the restaurant at 10:00, so Mom, Trissy and I went up the road to their house to congratulate them and give their gifts before I left. An iPad (Uncle David's idea :) ), and a family calendar with all the family anniversaries, birthdays, important dates, and lots of pictures (the Shutterfly project of one of the cousins - it turned out great!), both from the whole family of The Grandparents' descendants, who chipped in to make it happen. They were thrilled!
I had to leave for work right away, but Mom and Trissy were planning to spend the day with them, just visiting and spending time together.
Work was interesting. Ok, it was awful. Or very easily could have been.
There is a new girl, and I've been helping train her. So far the days she's worked have been pretty slow, so she's been able to have time to start getting the hang of things without alot of pressure. Yesterday was only her fourth day, I believe.
Yesterday was not a slow day. We had one cook in the back, and a new girl up front to serve, and a ton of customers in a very small window of time, many of them grumpy difficult ones. We finally stopped answering the phone for call-in orders - we were swamped just trying to take care of the people who were already in line at the front window or at the drive-thru.
Our cook - normally pretty good-natured, and respectful of my dislike of foul language - was absolutely swamped, furious angry, frantic for a cigarette, and cussing like a tea kettle letting off steam when the water's boiling. The poor new girl was almost in tears from the disrespect of dissatisfied customers and the frustration of making mistakes under the pressure.
I tried my best to calm the cook, who was not unduly frustrated (just showing her frustration inappropriately), and comfort the new girl, who was honestly doing her best, just not experienced enough yet to stay on top of things. I myself was barely keeping 'my head above water', so to speak, and I've been there several months!
To top it all off, when the rush had slowed down and we were taking a minute to 'rest and recuperate', the new girl shyly asked me if I would do her a favor. She seems like a nice girl, pleasant and easy to get along with, but something about the way she hesitated when she asked, made me say, "Well, maybe. What is it?" instead of, "Sure!" like I normally would.
Immediately, as if she'd thought it the rest of the way through just since she'd asked, she said, 'No, never mind, I don't think you would want to... Never mind, it's okay.'
I wanted to show that my hesitation was not because I wasn't willing to help her out, it just depended on what she was going to ask. I tried to make my face and voice friendly to put her at ease as I said, 'Well, you can ask me anyway! And I might say no, but I might say yes. What is it?'
She still looked self-conscious and almost embarrassed, shaking her head, 'No, I don't think you will, but, I was wondering if you could take me to the store, and go in for me, but I'd give you money, and... buy me some cigarettes...?'
Several important thoughts flashed through my mind in quick succession. One, I wasn't surprised, I was saddened; two, she couldn't even buy them for herself because she was underage, and would have to have someone old enough get them for her; three, I was thankful she had been able to realize enough about me to realize I wouldn't approve and probably wouldn't agree to it; four, she was right - I wouldn't do it for her; and five, and most important, she must not get the impression that I judged or would shun her for it - either for smoking or for asking me to help her get the cigarettes illegally. Showing the love of Christ to people is the most effective way to share Him with them.
"Oh," I said slowly, hesitation and regret both on my face.
"Yeah," she said, looking even more guilty and self-conscious.
I shook my head apologetically. 'No... I'm sorry, I can't.'
She nodded. 'It's okay', she said, looking like the tension maybe wasn't as great.
'I'm sorry,' I said again, apologetically, and impulsively reached out and hugged her.
'It's alright, don't worry about it, I'm not mad at you or anything,' She looked now like she was trying to put me at ease!
There was really nothing else to say, so we went back to our jobs in a silence that was a little awkward, but we were soon busy again and moved on.
The cook finished an order of fries for a customer who had been especially difficult and had gone back to her car to wait. I took it to the window and smiled and waved at her to show it was ready. The new girl, watching, said, 'I don't know how you can smile like that when people have been so awful. I just want to punch somebody in the face.'
I smiled and shrugged. 'Well...' the woman had come to the window. 'I'll tell you in a minute.'
I opened the window, smiled and said, 'Here you go. Thank you.' as I handed the woman her fries. She took them and stomped off. I shut the window and turned back to my co-worker, raising my eyebrows in a self-deprecating gesture. 'If I didn't have Jesus in my life, I couldn't smile! He's the One Who helps me! If it wasn't for Him, I would be so mad at some people right now!'
She stood with her arms folded, looking vacantly out the window. 'Yeah,' she murmured, 'I'm so frustrated right now.'
I didn't keep talking. Her attention had wandered when I mentioned Jesus, but at least I'd been able to tell her the Reason for my joy. Maybe I'd get another chance sometime.
Another customer was coming to the window, and the day moved on.
But when I got off at 2:00, I parted with each of my co-workers on friendly terms. I pray often that the Lord would use me in that place!
I'd planned to buy my lunch, and since Law's recommendation of McDonald's oatmeal Wednesday night (I plan to tell that story in another post), I decided to have that. I knew I wanted to get it yesterday, while the idea was fresh (besides, all I'd been able to think about since our conversation, was oatmeal with apple chunks in it :) !). Especially if Law was working, I wanted him to know I'd acted on his suggestion. At first I couldn't make up my mind if I wanted to go through the drive-thru, or go in. If I went in, I could sit in there until time to be at the academy (about 40 minutes or so), but he might not know I'd come by, since he works in the back. If I went through the drive-thru, he'd hear my voice and know, but then I'd need to decide where to go to sit and eat.
I was really ready for that oatmeal by the time I left the restaurant at 2:00! As I pulled into McD's parking lot, I decided on the drive-thru. I was tired and hungry - I didn't want to have to get out and go in.
There were several cars in front of me, giving me time to gather the little herd of change I was going to 'use up' to pay with. The car ahead of me pulled forward, and I had a funny feeling as I ordered, like I was on stage, or had an audience or something. I felt a little self-conscious, but tried to be cheerful and pleasant. Good-natured customers are so nice - I know from experience!
'Um, yes ma'am, I'd to try your oatmeal, with the chunks of apple in it.' I couldn't see a listing for it on the menu, and didn't know what to say! I felt like such a dork :) !
There was a long pause, then she politely asked if that would be all. I asked for a cup of water, and she told me it would be "Two-seventeen at the first window."
I pulled up to the first window, and as the girl opened it and repeated my total, a bright face with raised eyebrows and a pleased, mischievous smirk under a black McDonald's cap appeared beyond her shoulder. I laughed out loud!
'I told you it isn't healthy for you.' he warned, grinning. Those amazing summer-forest eyes were definitely leaning to the 'sky' element of the color.
"I know," I responded, handing the girl my money, "but ever since last night all I could think about was oatmeal with apples in it!"
"Well you won't be disappointed!" he assured me, backing away to return to his grill, still with that happy smile.
And I left with my spirits greatly uplifted, cradling my little cardboard cup of warm oatmeal, and chuckling to myself happily as I pulled onto the highway and went on to the school. That was just the cheer-up-er I needed!
I ended up sitting in VRCA's parking lot for the half-hour before I had to go in, eating that very delicious, very fruity cup of oatmeal, and praising the Lord for His mercy and kindness - in my life, and in the lives of those I care about.
How good He is to me! How good He is! How thankful I am that He controls it all!
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