My First Lens

Oh that beautiful golden box :) !

My new lens came last Saturday, and yes, I have been going a little crazy taking pictures with it; and enjoying it tremendously. I absolutely love the auto-focus feature. Many many thanks to the dear friend who loaned me her manual-focus lens until I could buy my own - beginning with a manual-focus lens gave me the same type of valuable learning and patience that learning to drive on a stick-shift did!

[Note: Steering wheel picture courtesy of Piper. Trissy and I had her and Abigail over for a couple of hours Monday afternoon. We played games and had a 'tea party', and Piper fell in love with my "fancy camera". In her words, 'This camera makes anything look amazing!']

Salt-Dough Ornaments

I'd seen recipes for salt dough on Pinterest several times, and this past year (summer, I think) decided to try it out. I made Christmas ornaments - three cookie cutter shapes and four stamped words. They didn't turn out anything like the flawless creations pictured on the internet, but their raw feel and brave effort at Christmas cheer tugged at my heartstrings, and instead of adding them to the soil in the garden, I put them in a small plastic tub in my closet to wait for a burst of inspiration.

A few weeks ago, the 'inspiration' (simple as it turned out to be) came, and this morning I grabbed the box of ornaments, Trissy, my craft paints, Dad's brushes, a cup of water, and some newspapers, and we spread out on the kitchen table.

Of the nine ornaments (three of each shape), we ended up painting one for each of Uncle Alvin's oldest daughter's eight kids. We'd wanted to give them a small craft-type Christmas gift, and these turned out so well that we decided these were 'it'. We painted each one a different bright color (except for the two that both ended up being blue); then when the paint dried, I used a tiny brush and painted in the indented words, and Trissy used a silver sharpie (so glad I gave her that job - her handwriting is excellent!) to write each child's name and the year on the back of the ornaments. I strung twine through each of the holes, and they were done! Very raw and simple and sort of rustic. And, in my humble opinion, they turned out very nice!

What? How?

A few weeks ago, an old acquaintance came through the drive-thru of the restaurant with her young daughter. It was so nice to see her, and since the other customers had all been served, I got to stand and chat with her a few minutes, catching up a little since the last time I'd seen her.

She asked me how things were going with me, and I gave her a brief run-down on how 'life' is right now. I still work at the Christian Academy, I've been working at the restaurant for a little more than a year, I give piano lessons, I'm very involved with my church, I still enjoy living in the country, no I don't have (or want) a boyfriend, etc., etc. Would I change some things about my life if I could? Well, yeah, probably. But all in all, I'm very content with my life right now.

Her response was not what I expected. 'That's really great - I think most people your age would love to be able to say that they're content with their lives.'

We talked a few more minutes, then her food came and we said good-bye.
I wondered if she was content with her life.

But in the last couple of days (literally, since like Jan. 3 - yesterday), I've realized, I can't say that any more. I'm not satisfied with my life. When I said it to her, it was every bit true, and as I said it and realized just how true it was, I rejoiced in it! Especially after her encouraging and thought-provoking remark.

But it's not true any more. I guess this has been building for a few weeks, maybe even a few months. Certainly a few days. Reading "Radical" I know has been a big part of it, among other things.

I'm not 'rich', certainly. My family isn't 'rich', by American standards. But we sure are richer than most of the world. To most of the world, we might as well be millionaires.

We live in a nice clean double-wide trailer that's paid for, has central heat and air, doesn't leak, has clean, running, hot or cold water, multiple rooms, and adequate furnishings. We eat three satisfying and healthy meals a day, and could snack too, if we wanted. There's food in the pantry and freezer for future use. Every person in our family has a vehicle. Every person in our family has graduated from high school and has at least some college education. We have all the clothing we need, and plenty more. Dad has a job and I have several little jobs that brings in income. Not alot, either of them (and mine even smaller), but they are sufficient.
We are richer than 90% of the world.

And I am not satisfied. I am not content.
I am not content, because I don't know what to do about it. I don't know what God wants me to do about it. I know I can't be idle and do nothing. But I don't know what I should do.

Compared to the world, my life is great! Not having ever known any other kind of life, sometimes there are hardships that seem big to me; but they are pitifully small and insignificant when compared to the hardships of most of the people in the world my own age. But I have all these privileges and resources that others need! I could do with so much less, and still be 'comfortable'! I could give away so much of my stuff to people who really need it!
But my dilemma is that I don't know how to get it to them! I don't personally know anybody that could honestly benefit from my stuff if I gave it to them. And I don't want to give it away just to get rid of it. I don't want to 'throw it away' on people who really don't need it any more than I do. I want to bless someone with it. Change someone's life. Show them the love of Jesus.

Or if I could sell my things, I could donate the money. But I don't want to have a garage sale or put the items in a consignment shop or anything like that. They'd just sell for 'peanuts', to borrow an expression. In other words, they wouldn't sell for as much as they're worth. And if I'm going to get rid of these (some of them treasured) possessions, I want them to do the most good.

If I had more money, I could financially support ministries and missions around the world. Two of my uncles and their families are missionaries. Many, many, friends are. And my family is familiar with many other credible, Godly, efficient organizations that minister to both the physical and the spiritual needs of needy people around the world. If I had a better-paying job, I could do more that way.
I don't make enough money to live on my own. Yes, I still live with my parents, something I (under the stigma of a non-self-supporting adult child in American culture without a spouse or 'good' job) am ashamed of. And though my parents insist they don't mind, it bothers me nonetheless. I want a better job! Even if I don't live on my own, I'd like to be able to make enough to give back to the family what I 'take'! I'd like to know I could live on my own and support myself if I needed to. Then any surplus (after setting a strict budget for myself and keeping only what I'd need to live on) could be used for others.

But here's another thing. I think the Lord may be urging me to quit working at the restaurant. Which makes NO sense!! Besides my co-workers that I'm finally beginning to build relationships with, in the hopes of leading them to Christ, and the customers that I get to smile at and hopefully witness to, one less job means one less paycheck. Less money = less... Well, just less! Less to spend on others. Less to use to travel for mission work. Less to live on, ones self. Less to contribute to worthy causes. Less to help missionaries with. Less to put into savings for later use.
But on the other hand, less 'work' (no job) = more time. And the old saying is that 'time is money'. Time is valuable too.
But if you have no money to do anything with, your time is worthless!! AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Whew. Yes, I am in a delimma. And yes, I am having a conversation with myself. And no, I do not know what the Lord wants me to do. And yes, I am discontent.

And I'm struggling with big questions. Like, is my life really worth anything?
Ok, maybe I should rephrase that: What of true value do I have to show for my time here on this earth?
Have I made a real, valuable, difference in anyone's life? Have I led anyone to the salvation of knowing Christ? Have I helped any Christian closer to God? Have I kept anyone from death?
What do I have to show, to look back on with contentment, from the part of my life I've already lived, that my God could look at with me and say, "Well done."? Anything?
And what is the rest of my life supposed to look like? What is it's purpose? The future. What does He want me to do?

I try to seek His Word for answers. I keep thinking of verses like, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit...', 'He hath showed thee, oh man, what is good ... to do justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with thy God.', 'If you have done it for one of the least of these, you have done it unto Me', 'Pure religion is this: to care for orphans and widows and to keep ones self unspotted from the world.', 'Honor thy father and thy mother', 'Be ye kind, one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another...', and many more [Note: The above are not exact quotes, but paraphrases as they go through my mind]. There is plenty in the Bible that tells me what to do, but I'm at a loss as to how to do some of it.

What? How? And when?

Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid. I might as well admit it, since you've already probably guessed... I'm a wimp.
I don't want to end up at the 'ends of the earth', where there is no sanitation, no privacy, no safety, and no Christian fellowship.
I don't know that that's what He wants me to do. But I have to take it into consideration.

And life right now... It's not what it should be.

"I don't know what it is He wants me to do, but to do nothing is not an option."

New Year's Resolutions - 2014

New Year's Resolutions. Some people love 'em. Some people hate 'em. Some people don't let it bother them much either way. Like me.

I had 'New Year's Resolutions' for 2010. I had them for 2011. I sort-of had some for 2012. I didn't do any for 2013, except for one of the left-overs from 2012.

This year, I'm going to [try to] do 'New Year's Resolutions' again. But this year is going to be harder than all the previous ones, I think.

1. Memorize a book of the Bible.
2. Do the Radical Experiment.

On {1.}: Memorizing the Bible has been important to Christians through the centuries.
It was (is - my mom celebrated a milestone birthday recently and wouldn't let herself open her presents until she'd quoted Philippians 1 for us. It had been her goal to have it memorized by her birthday. You know, just a little shout-out to my mom there :) ) important to my parents as Trissy and I grew up and they worked to help us learn literally reams of Scripture. It's important to me now, and this past year has sharpened it's importance like I don't think it's ever been sharpened.
For a Christian, the Bible is his water, his food, his warmth, his rest, his very breath and life!!
Memorization is difficult. But what more worthy subject to exert the struggle on than This?!
So, one of my resolutions is to memorize at least one book of the Bible. I'm not sure which one yet, but I'm thinking one of Paul's books (so practical and useful for just every-day advice!), maybe Ephesians or Colossians. We'll see.

On {2.}: I take a deep breath on this one. See this post.

A very short list, yet a pretty formidable one. But life has got to change. I've got to change. I don't want to be one of those just-average Christians who goes through life content to float along saved and satisfied. I don't want to stop learning about the Lord, and I don't want my love for Him and others to stop growing, until the day I die; or even beyond that, for that matter.

2014. God help me.

The Radical Experiment

In November, I started listening to an audio version of David Platt's thought-provoking book Radical during my morning bicycle rides. I finished it Christmas morning, and I don't think that was a coincidence. Toward the end of the book, a challenge is issued that Platt calls the Radical Experiment.

Below is a brief overview of the challenge, taken from the book's website:

'The Radical Experiment is a year-long commitment to five specific challenges:

1) To pray for the entire world
2) To read through the entire Word
3) To commit our lives to multiplying community
4) To sacrifice our money for a specific purpose
5) To give our time in another context

Pray for the entire world
Using the resources provided by Operation World, pray for the entire world over the course of a year.

Read through the entire Word
Using a chronological Bible Reading plan, read through the entire Bible.

Commit your life to multiplying community
Commit yourself wholeheartedly to the local church. But even deeper than that, commit yourself to a small group that is intentionally sharing, showing, and teaching the Word while serving the world together.

Sacrifice your money for a specific purpose
For the next year, look at all of your expenses ... through the lens of specific need in the world. Work to set a cap on your lifestyle so that you can free up as much of your resources as possible for the sake of the glory of Christ in His church, among the lost, and among the poor.

Spend your time in another context
As you are making disciples in your community, commit ... to give 2% (one week) of your time in Gospel ministry outside of your community for the sake of God’s glory in all the world.'

When I finished the book (on Chrismas Day, no less), I wondered if the Lord timed it so that I could start and do this radical experiment during the year of 2014. To be honest, I was (am) afraid. It is radical. And though in my heart I know that I am not a 'complacent Christian' (I'm not satisfied with just being secure in my confidence that I will go to Heaven when I die, and then going through my life only caring for 'number one'! I want to live for the Lord and obey the Bible with all my strength, I want to share His Love with people who don't have Him as their Savior, I want Him to use me to lead them toward Him and Heaven and away from death and Hell. I want to live a pure and Godly life in front of other Christians and the watching world.), yet I know I'm not where I need to be. A Christian never reaches a 'stopping point' in their life of learning and growing in Christ - no matter how wise or old or knowledgeable they have become. And I have a long way to go towards all three.

I was afraid to commit my coming year to this challenge. I was afraid I'd fail at it, that all the pieces would not fall in place for me to be able to accomplish such a goal. But mostly, I'll admit, I was afraid of what it (what the Lord) will require of me through it; I'm afraid of pain and sacrifice.

In a friend's family Christmas card and newsletter we received the day after Christmas, a layout and plan for reading through the Bible in a year was inclosed. Well. Okay.
Excuse number one (not having a read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year plan handy), gone.

I got online and found the Operation World website, and discovered that their Prayer Calendar was on the website; the book was more in-depth, but was optional.
Excuse number two (not having the book or the money or time to buy it before the New Year started), gone.

I'm already part of a local church that I love and am devoted to. And that church has small groups that work together in ministries in our community and in other parts of the world.
So, number three taken care of.

I already am very careful with my money. I don't make alot to begin with, forcing me to stretch it. On top of that, I already try to be wise with how I spend it on myself, and to be generous with it for the sake of others who would benefit from it more than I could. But I have other assets and resources that I may be called on to give up, through this experiment.
Number four, in progress.

And number five. This is the hardest one. I don't know if I will have an opportunity to fulfill this one. The only mission trip Victory Rd. is planning to take this year is one to Nicaragua in April. I don't even really want to go to Nicaragua. Besides, it's so expensive! Does the Lord want me to give up my already-very-limited income to go on a one-week trip?
Well, if He wants me to, it will work out. In spite of me. If He has another option, I don't see it. Yet.
Number five will have to be left up completely to Him.

Sooooo... I guess I'll be attempting this thing this year. I am very nervous. 2013 was such a year of turmoil, in my own personal little world. And the world as a whole is not getting any better.
I dread 2014. This may sound negative, even morbid maybe, and I appologize, but I'm just laying it out - I woke up this moring with a light but very uncomfortable feeling of depression; that feeling would have been more accute, if it were not for the quiet calm and relaxing spirit of the rest of my family who seem to be enjoying this New Year's holiday.

On a side note, I think the Lord might be wanting me to quit my job at the restaurant. I have no idea why, and can't explain the impression, but I just can't shake it. It makes no sense. Especially if I'm going to be going on a mission trip and going to be more involved with trying to help others, I'm going to need money! And my job at the academy is just not enough.
Not to mention the fact that the restaurant presents great opportunities to share the love of Christ.
I would appreciate any fellow believers that may read this to pray for wisdom for me.

"Radical" is a deeply thought-provoking book for Christians who literally want to spend their lives serving Christ - or for Christians that need waking up. I would highly recommend it; just be prepared - it is not named "Radical" for nothing, and you will probably not be the same person at the last page that you were at the first page.