Ok. I'm going to take a plunge here. I've been dealing with this idea of being 'real' on my blog for a while. And while often I am 'real' - and maybe even what may be called 'brutally honest' - I'm afraid I sometimes come across as if I'm a pretty perfect Christian (or at least trying to portray myself as such). Please let me assure you, I am not.
So, lately there have been some thoughts swirling around in my head. Ideas. Doubts. Consolations. Questions. And here I am to share them. I don't know who all reads this blog. I know some believers do. I'm pretty sure non-Christians do too - at least pop in now and then. For you who profess to know Christ, you will either read and condemn my thought process, read and shake your head and love me anyway, read and have no idea what I'm talking about, or read and relate and love me because you've been here.
For you who do not know Christ as your Savior, you will probably not understand where I'm coming from, and maybe not even care. But hopefully you will be encouraged that not all who claim to be Christians think that they are perfect, holy, and too good to admit that they have struggles. We are human, we have doubts, and we make mistakes, just like everyone else. The difference is, that we who belong to Christ are also the most blessed of men, for we have hope - and not just the hope of Hope, but the guarantee of Hope - and a purpose for life and living, both now and forever. So whatever our imperfections, we are safe and at peace.
I am writing for you, but talking to myself. If you can gain from reading this conversation, it will have accomplished it's purpose. Whoever you are, I pray that you can benefit from, or at least be comforted by, my bared heart...
I want to love people. I do love people. But I don't ever want to love anyone so much that my love for them overshadows my love for God.
I wrestle with alot of things. One thing is love.
How to love the people I should, but don't. Or how to love different people in different ways. How to love those I love a little bit, more. How overwhelming my love is for some, and how to show it in God-honoring and them-encouraging ways.
Or how to love God. Truly love Him. Or if I love Him at all.
Wow. Sobering thought? You bet.
My next thought is, "But surely I love Him! I belong to Him! I am His child! I'm not in this falsely?! Could my heart be so good at it's deceitful game that it has even fooled me?"
Well let's pause there a minute. The Bible says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" (Jeremiah 17:9)
So, technically, I guess it could have fooled me all these years. But the Bible also says, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." (John 13:35) and "We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. ..." (1 John 3:14) I know I love God's people. I do not love them all alike. I do not even love them all to the same extent - without favoritism - as I should. But I know I love them.
But how do I know I love them? How can anyone know they love someone else?
Well, I know my heart breaks when they hurt, and that it sings when they are happy. I know I mourn in their sorrows and rejoice in their victories. I know I want them to be blessed. I know I feel like I am on top of the world whenever I can help or encourage them in some way. I know I have great pride for them in their beautiful qualities and great thankfulness in their Godly traits.
Am I wrong to interpret those facts as evidence that I love them?
This question takes us to the need to consider the fact that "love" must be a choice. True love, that is. Many people interpret feelings of attraction or infatuation as "love", when in fact those feelings are no more than selfish desire of one form or another.
True love must be a choice. There are people I love now that I had to decide to love.
Some people are easy to "love". But those who disagree with you (or you with them), those who are unpleasant to be around, those who are just negative people, those who are unkind to you (or to others who are important to you), all of these are hard to love! One must make a conscious decision to love those people.
When I first heard that love is a choice, I totally disagreed. Well, maybe not totally, but I sure didn't think it could be completely true. You had to be attracted to someone, at least to a certain extent, right? Whether it was romantic attraction, or love for someone who had been kind to you (parents, friends, family, etc.), or sympathetic love for someone you felt sorry for.
But I learned that even those loves deal with choice. Romantic attraction is just that - attraction. It doesn't mean you truly love that person. And of course it is natural to have kind feelings for someone who has benefited you in some way, like your family or friends - you would be totally selfish if you didn't!
The last one gets closer to the 'choice' deal. Feeling sorry for someone who is in a sad or less fortunate situation is good but, number one, you must choose to feel for them - some people harden their hearts against those kinds of people because it's easier and they feel less guilty. And number two, how far does your sympathy go? If it is true love, you will want to do something to help them out of their suffering. Whether it's a family member who's just having a bad day, a homeless man at Wal*Mart, or the starving orphans in a World Vision commercial.
How far should "love" reach? With the family member, sometimes just a kind comment or offer of help is appropriate. With the homeless man, maybe giving him some of the groceries you just bought is what's needed. With the orphans, maybe the Lord has blessed you financially so that you can sponsor a child, or if not, praying for them on a regular basis is worth more than any amount of money!
All of these things involve a choice, a choice of love.
Now, as I've grown in experience, met more people, and faced more decisions to love or not love, I've learned that loving really is a choice! I can think of a person at Victory Rd. even, who I could not stand at first. I thought they behaved themselves inappropriately (and they did), and I was angry at them for their silliness and lack of modesty. I never showed my disgust outwardly (at least as far as I know!), but I just avoided that person as much as I possibly could.
One Sunday, I realized something. Through Bro. Dennis' teaching I had been learning that many things in life deal with choice. You have a choice to be joyful in a discouraging situation. You have a choice to let someone offend you, or to refuse to let it bother you, forgive it, and move on. Etc. Basic stuff, but somehow more obvious and 'do-able' the way he presented it.
I remembered that I'd heard that love is a choice too. So, I decided to try it. That person was not going to go anywhere. I was becoming more and more involved in the things that were going on in the church, and was having to rub elbows more and more with this person. I couldn't go on avoiding them without being downright rude. So, I decided that I'd just better love them.
Longer story shorter, that person is one of my most precious friends at Victory Rd. now.
Love is a decision.
Yes, some people are hard to decide to love. Some people are easy.
So how do you know if you love someone?
Well, how far are you willing to go to benefit them?
In all my mulling-over of this whole topic, that is about the simplest, most direct way to come to a conclusion that I have come up with. The answer to that question is a good place to start analyzing.
For myself, I'll go back to Victory Rd. for my starting place.
At times I am nearly overcome by my love for my dear friends there.
Bro. Earl and Mrs. Shannen and Austin, Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie and precious Maxwell, Bro. Mike and his family, Bro. Blake and his, the dear S. family (Archer, Law, Abigail, Piper, and their sweet parents), Lindy, Toby, Russell, and all our other college friends, Mrs. Renae and her dear family. And so many others.
As far as I can evaluate myself without actually physically coming to that situation, I believe I would give my life for them if it was necessary.
John 15:12-13 says, "This is My commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
Hmm, ok, so laying down one's life is the highest symbol of love.
Christ laid down His life for us. The highest symbol of love. And His followers are commanded to love each other as He loved them (us).
I know I love these people. It would be hard to die, if it was to be a painful death. But through Christ Who gives me strength, I could.
Do I love Christ enough to die for Him?
Once again, without actually facing that situation, I don't suppose I can know for sure. But once again, in His strength (and only in His strength), I could.
After all, the only reason I could ever love anyone is because Christ loved me first.
I just thought of something else. In 1 John 4:20 and 21 it says, "If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? ... he who loveth God love his brother also."
My thing is that I love my 'brothers', but am wrestling with being able to know that I love God more! Luke 14:26 says, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." meaning that the love we have towards God should be so huge, that our love for family and friends seems almost like hate in comparison.
Do I love Him that way? My love for 'my people' is enormous! Is my love for God hundreds of times greater than that, as it should be?
Another thing about loving my 'brother'. What if I do not love all my 'brothers'? Does it mean I don't love God if I love some, but not others (see 1 John 4:20 above)? I know I have hard feelings toward certain people who claim to be followers of Christ (and therefore 'brothers'), but live in direct disobedience to His Word. Are my hard feelings only 'righteous anger', or are they the result of a spirit of unforgiveness?
There's also the love that Christians are to have for unbelievers. The reason the Lord left us here, is so that we would show them the love He has for them, through the love we have for them. We have seriously neglected this aspect of our duty and reason for living. It shouldn't be the movie stars, politicians, and celebrities running the charities and humanitarian organizations; it should be Christians! And years ago, it used to be! When did we drop the ball?! When did we begin to get caught up in the 'me' mentality that has become such a trademark of American culture? And what are we doing to pick up where we have been failing? It should be our daily goal to spread the love of Christ to those who are hurting, whether it is the glum cashier on our trip to Wal*Mart, or the war-torn refugee on the other side of the world. Our lives as followers of Jesus Christ should be dedicated to two things: Showing the love of Christ to others so that they too can know His peace and joy, and encouraging and edifying those who are already His.
Love. Wow. What a huge subject; and I haven't even scratched the surface - I've just touched on a few aspects that have been on my mind lately. The whole thing is so complicated.
But with all my unanswered questions, I can say that my analysis has brought me to these definite conclusions:
1) No matter how much I love God 'now' (whenever 'now' is), I must always be striving to love Him more.
2) It is alright to love other Christians with overwhelming love.
3) I must learn to love unconditionally.
4) I must work harder at my part to actively demonstrate Jesus' love to those who do not know Him.
Pretty simple huh? Maybe.
I do feel like I have things a little straighter in my mind now though, after just getting all my thoughts laid out so I can study them without one running over the next.
Thanks for letting me ramble :) .
Keep Looking Up!
SOLI DEO GLORIA!
-Kyrie<><
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