When Words Hurt

Have you ever been hurt by someone you love? Has a sharp word, an unkind remark, or a thoughtless come-back cut you deeply and left you wondering what to say or how to respond? I'm sure it has. I think it has happened to everyone at some point in their life. I know it's happened to me.

There are some people in my life who I love very much. We can have great times together - fun, fellowship, idea-sharing, games, discussion, movie-watching, you name it.
Yet, sometimes, it seems it's all a front - the goodnatured-ribbing has an ugly counterpart of brutal, biting mockery; the other side of the thoughtful discussion can be a bitter contest of wills and the conviction that "my way, my opinion is the right one"; the movie topic inspires stubborn argument over what is appropriate as far as content. At times, it seems that, really, they can't stand me, and since they are forced to share my company, they might as well make me as miserable as possible.

I know I am very strong-willed, and if I feel I am in the right, I am not going to back down until presented with logical arguments. I know I have a tendency to blurt out my opinion at times.
Yet, sometimes it seems that these people go out of their way to hurt me. I ask a simple question, with no other motive than curiousity, and my head is bit off for my thoughtless arrogance! I'm doing a job, and I am calmly ignored, stepped in front of, and the job taken directly out of my hands with an "I am qualified to accomplish this" attitude. Or I am drawn into a conversation where I am led to believe my opinion is being sought, and then sit in speechless hurt while I am ripped to shreds.

What should be my reaction in these circumstances? I know what it should be.
I should calmly turn the other cheek. Be respectful. Walk away. Pretend they were never unkind, and treat them just as if they were never unkind, as if I had no reason not to love them completely.

But it's hard. OH so hard! I am a bold soul, and yet I shrink from being on "the bad side" of anyone. To have a living thing displeased with me - for whatever the reason, whether it really is my fault, or whether I am totally innocent - is one of the horrors of my soul. It's worse when I'm innocent, for then I cannot in good conscience appologize - I've done nothing wrong! If I was in the wrong, I can at least try to fix it by an appology. But it's dreadfully hard either way. And when it's someone I love - someone close to me - the pain becomes almost unbearable.

There is no 'solution', only to beg for the Lord's mercy to help me react, or not, in a way that would bring Him no blame.

Shelter In The Storm

The Lord is Merciful beyond measure; He will not put upon us troubles harder to bear than we are able.
At times, He puts us through sorrow and difficulty to draw us closer to Him, or to teach us some lesson that we could not learn any other way.
But so many times, He shelters and spares us from danger and sorrow of world-shaking (at least, our world) proportions, and we do not even realize it. And when we do, many times we do not even think to thank Him.

This past week, Clinton, MS, has been in the news because of the tornadoes it has been experiencing.
Toby, Lindy's boyfriend and one of our dear young men friends of our College group (he also played the part of the "Friend" in "Lost Or Found"), is big into tennis, and has been traveling around to all kinds of places for tournaments with his tennis scholarship.
He was in Clinton for a tournament this past week, and was telling us Sunday of looking out the window of his hotel and watching the tornado, and cars being flipped on the highway as it went through. The buildings on either side of where he was were either damaged or destroyed.
I made the comment later to Mom, that I wondered if the hotel where he was would have been destroyed too, if he hadn't been there in it!

Uncle Alvin's have been down visiting for a few days, and today Mom was telling them about it. I was busy around, and was only listening with 'half my brain', until Mom asked The Grandmother what the verse was that the situation had reminded Mom of? Something about, 'lest we should have sorrow upon sorrow'?

I stopped short to listen, and it hit me suddenly like a 'ton of bricks', as they say:
Toby could have been killed!

Dear Toby, who we've nicknamed "The Little Missionary" because of his rather shy ways, but passion for the salvation of his lost friends.
It had not hit me like that Sunday.

Though he would be in the presence of Christ ("...which is far better:" Phil. 1:23), oh what sorrow it would be for us who were left behind! How we would miss him!

And how gracious the Lord is - He made a shelter in the storm, and protected this dear son, brother, friend, for the sake of those who love him.

Here is the verse Mom was talking about:

"For indeed he was ... nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him; and not on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow."

Phil. 2:27

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Law And Grace

{To most of you who may read this, the title of this post will not appear to have much, if anything, to do with the post itself. But it has significance to me, and I have my reasons for naming it this way.}

During D-Now, as well as great triumphs, there were a couple of major disappointments. One has to do with a specific person, the younger brother of one of our dear college friends.

Even though I don't use real names here, I still hesitate to specify who it was. But it is a young man who has been raised in a family setting very similar to Trissy's and mine. When they first came to the church and we began to get to know them, we were refreshed and blessed by their Godliness and old-fashioned sense of values and living. When the three youngest kids were enrolled in the Christian Academy, and this young man became good friends with another young man in the school who seemed to be needing some Godly influence, I was so glad and thankful, and hoped the one would be that Godly influence on the other.
That was well over a year ago, and though I haven't become "close" friends with him, as I have with his older, college-age sibling, and with his two younger sisters, I've still enjoyed watching him grow into - seemingly - a maturing and God-honoring young man. As an example, he is very accomplished musically, and around that same time, another young person publicly praised his talent. He looked them pointedly in the eye, and stated emphatically, "This is for Jesus."
Though just in his early teenage years, he showed great promise of becoming a dependable and great man.

Then D-Now, and at one point I happened to overhear him make a comment to someone that, though not terrible by most standards, did not strike me as being completely appropriate, and I frowned slightly to myself, thinking that was a rather poor reflection of the general standards of his family.
Later that same evening, my heart felt as though it had been torn open, when one of the other young people made a sort of off-hand remark about a supposed incident this same young man had been involved in. I could not believe it, and though hanging on to the fact that the story was, as far as I could tell, still just a rumor, I hurt so bad to think that it actually could be true.

I hung onto my faith in this dear young brother's integrity, watching and hoping for an opportunity to verify whether the story was true, or just another silly teenager's idea of a bad joke on a friend.
I have not been able to find out for sure on that particular story, but as the weeks have passed since D-Now, incident after little incident have occurred, giving evidence that he is not the same as he once was.
He's been caught texting during at least one church service; he skipped church one Sunday night to play instruments with a friend, who also was supposed to be in church (the same friend, I might add, from the Academy who I and others had hoped he would be a 'good influence' on); during Wednesday night small-group time, he has expressed indifference; and he just generally has an attitude that seems to indicate he may be slipping from a firm foundation, to go floating off listlessly into a sea of indifferent apathy.

There are several people in the church who are very concerned about him.

Yesterday I was in Wal*Mart for something, and I kept passing young people there, and I thought, 'Who will save them from this wicked and perverse generation?! How many will fall prey to the wiles of the Devil - the Destroyer of all that is dear and precious and young and tender? If our own are 'falling away', what is to become of the rest, who have no foundation?'. And of course I understand, nothing will happen that Almighty God does not see, allow, and possibly even cause, to happen. Yet so many times I feel I am being torn apart with the realization of my frailty and helplessness to rescue the thousands, millions even, of starfish that lay dying and vulnerable on the scorching sand.

But, like the starfish story, I can help to rescue one, ten, or maybe even (if I work diligently without delay) a hundred or even a thousand.
I hope the Lord will use me greatly, in the life of this young man, and in the lives of the other struggling young people I have had the honor of influencing and knowing here at the church.

People will disappoint you - no two ways about it. The Lord will not.
And this is not 'the end'. The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and of great mercy. Perhaps this dear boy is struggling with some unseen doubt or enemy, that no one knows about, and in his confusion and hardship, he's reacting in the wrong way - pushing away the only true Help that there is.
But there is always hope. While there's life, there's hope. And the Lord works in ways we can not always see. He gives Grace.
Last night after church I was so sad over him. Before I went to bed, I opened my Bible to the book of Psalms, looking for something to give me comfort and reassurance of the Lord's presence and control.
It opened to the first chapter (there was a bookmark there), and I started to flip through it, turning the page. On the next page, in chapter 4, were some verses I'd underlined months, perhaps years, ago; they had been an encouragement in another situation, and as I re-read them, I felt comfort and hope again:

"...commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still.
Selah.
...put your trust in the Lord.
...
I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety."

I went back and read the whole chapter, and it all seemed to strangely apply to this situation.

To anyone who reads this: Please pray for this friend. I don't know how to pray, how to ask you to pray - just do.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!

"Things" That Make Me Happy

"Things" aren't what make life. After all, it's just stuff.
But I believe the Lord gives us little yapas (pronounced "joppa" - Paraguayan Spanish for 'bonus') sometimes, just to make us smile, to make the way a little easier, to provide a little shower during a drought, or even just to help teach us to appreciate the little things.

I've been wanting to do a picture post for a while, listing a few of the "things" in my life that make me smile. Some are big, some are small, but all have been given by the Lord, and each one makes me happy.

1. The Lighthouse



This is actually a microwave tower or something, in a bend of the little highway a few miles from our house, and you can see the top of it above the trees, from our property. Trissy and I call it "The Lighthouse" because of the blinking light at the top.
I don't know why this tower has meant so much to me, but a couple of years ago when I was particularly burdened and discouraged about something, I was outside and I looked up and across, and saw it's light blinking steadily, reassuringly, and I felt comforted. The Lord has used it as a reminder of Himself - the ultimate saving Lighthouse - and that He has the Power to accomplish whatsoever He will. All is in His hands.

2. "Shirley"



Jaylyn (the older of Uncle Alvin's two daughters that I mention here from time to time) brought this yawning little hippo back to me from Africa where her family are missionaries. Since I was a child, I have loved horses with a passion. Jaylyn said in Africa, the name for hippo means "River Horse". She couldn't resist bringing me this soapstone one when they came back to visit a year ago :) !
So now "Shirley" (yes, I still name things) sits happily on the top of my chest-of-drawers, reminding me of merry times with cousins, and a testimony to lives lived for the glory of God.

4. Bolacha Marias



This is a wafer-like cookie similar to a graham cracker, found in Portuguese-speaking countries, like Brazil, South America, and Mozambique, Africa. Some missionary friends brought some to The Grandparents a few weeks ago, and they shared them with their neighbors up the road (us ;) !). I love everything about this little cookie! Lovely stamped design (even with it's name!), light honey-sweet taste, thin delicate texture - mmm! A delightful experience!

5. My cross keychain



This keychain was given to me by a friend years and years ago for my birthday. My thirteenth or fourteenth, I think. I'm not even in contact really with that friend anymore, but I treasure her gift. I carry it with me basically all the time, and I've handled it so much, that it is polished and worn in certain places. Aside from my Bible, this little keychain is probably my most cherished possession. Not of course for it's monetary value, for it has basically none - but for it's reminder of this most tremendous promise. SO many times, I have been held up, only by the knowledge and assurance of this fact:

"With God, all things are possible"
You would need to know more about me than anyone on earth does, to understand all the reasons and stories behind why this keychain, and this promise, mean so much to me. But for the sake and purpose of the here and now, lets just say... It means alot!

6. These jeans



Recently one Wednesday night before church started, some of us friends were standing around talking, and I happened to notice one of the young men had a hole in the knee of his jeans. Well, there was a lull in the conversation, and me being the random, free-advice-giving person that I am, I piped up and said, somewhat jokingly, somewhat seriously, "Boy, you need to get someone to mend your jeans for you!"
Now, whether he detected the kidding aspect of my remark or not, he reacted as if it was a serious problem he'd given alot of thought to, saying despairingly, 'I know! But I don't know anyone that has the time and knows how!'
Well, I might not have the time, but I know how, and knowing this friend did not have much to call in the way of family besides his Christian family, I eagerly volunteered. He seemed appreciative, and evidently that hole had been bothering him, 'cause he began describing the way he wanted it to look when it was done, and that he had a patterned scrap of fabric he'd been saving, that he wanted used to patch it :) !
So a couple of Sunday nights ago, he approached me after church, and asked if I remembered the conversation, and if I really meant it. I answered of course, and he said he had the jeans and the scrap in his truck, if I wouldn't mind patching it for him.
He said he knew I was busy with school and all, but just whenever I could get them back to him it would be great - he had another pair he could wear in the meantime! Poor guy! If he was relying on them that much, I felt like I had to get them back to him as soon as possible! So that next Tuesday night, I had a few minutes, and put the patch in. It was a little bit of a sewing challenge, because I wanted to use the machine, but the hole was way down in the knee, and I didn't want to have to take out a leg seam to get to it, then sew that back too! Anyway, I got it done (he'd asked if I could put a bit of denim behind the cotton scrap so it wouldn't bust out, and I thought that was pretty observant of him to realize it needed a reinforcement), and gave them back that Wednesday night after church. You'd have thought I'd given him a hundred dollar bill he was so thrilled with that little plaid patch!
Anyway, the ending moral of this long-winded story is that the Lord can use you to bless someone's life in little ways that seem small to you, but it may mean alot to a struggling brother or sister. Remember to be open to opportunities He sends your way - and don't forget to realize you are receiving a blessing as well.

7. "Lost Or Found"



I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but "Lost Or Found" makes me happy. I have such great memories of that stressful, hectic, pressured, fun, creative, challenging, fellowship-with-friends, time in my life. The Lord used this school assignment as a teaching tool to teach me more of patience, trust, prayer, and reliance on His sovereignty. I hope it is still blessing and witnessing to people where it is on YouTube.
For those of you who don't know what "Lost Or Found" is, read the posts here, here, and here (in that order) to get the story.
I've also made a button for my sidebar. I made this little 4:44 movie to bring glory to the Lord, and hopefully to lead people to Him. If you see it, and then feel led to share it with others in your life, please share the stories with me!

8. My bug bracelet



This past Saturday we had our annual 'town celebration' or whatever you'd call it, celebrating the historical side/history of our town. It takes place mostly on the oldest street in town, that (until recently) was still paved with it's original bricks! About a year ago, they re-did the street, and I believe replaced the old bricks with new ones, which made me sad.
But anyway, this street and a couple other near ones are lined with booths selling arts and crafts, food, and giving out information about different organizations and things. I think there is usually an antique car show and a pet show also.
This year, Trissy and I went in with a lady from church to rent and share a booth selling funnel cakes. Trissy also baked cookies and muffins, and I had a bunch of my hand-made items. We also sold bottled water, which went over pretty well.
We're trying to raise money to go on one of the church mission trips, and this seemed like a good opportunity (I don't know if I've told about the mission trip plans here yet or not. I'll try to do that soon).
Anyway, we ran into some dear old friends from our 4-H days (the S family, Jaylyn and Jewel), and had a WONDERFUL time fellowshipping and catching up with them. The two oldest girls both had these neat bracelets that caught my attention. They said they'd gotten them from a booth on another street. I was fascinated with the beautiful beetles! I've always loved nature, and what a wonderful display of God's creative genius!
The picture doesn't do the shininess of the beetle justice - it's green, green-yellow, blue, and purple, with copper-colored antenas! I'll try to take a better picture sometime.
Before the day was over, I went and got one too.

9. Real mint tea



I love mint tea! I've drunk the store-bought tea bags of it for several years, but recently Mrs. H shared with me a few plants from her Chocolate Mint! I have most of them in a pot on our back steps, and they really seem to like it there! It's done really well, and a few days ago I decided it was plentiful enough to warrant picking a tiny handful of leaves for my first cup of real mint tea - and from my own patch too!
It was so good, with a cool, soothing, wonderful minty flavor, and so naturally pleasant that I didn't even feel the need to put honey in it, like I do with the store-bought kind.

This is just a sample of some of the "things" that the Lord has blessed me with, that cheer my spirit. The Bible tells us to count our blessings, and this is one way I'm trying to fulfill that.
I plan to add items along. For now, these are a start.

SOLI DEO GLORIA!