The Honor And The Dread

I'm in a quandry. I'm both touched, and irritated. Expectant, and dreading. Feeling honored, and feeling disgruntled.

In less than three months, another couple from our wonderful set of church college friends will have 'tied the knot'. Lindy and Toby have their wedding date set for August 10th, and dear Lindy is moving through preparations in between finishing school, plans for starting her new teaching job, summer mission trips, etc. Moving through, as in, calmly stressing out. I know that sounds strange, but that's pretty much how she is! She's not very picky at all, she mainly wants to plan things so that other people involved will enjoy it and be happy. Dear Lindy! So self-deprecating, so strong and yet so sweet and considerate! Last night after church, she was talking to Trissy and me about deciding on bridesmaids dresses, and finally said, 'I don't even really care! I'd like them to be this same color and the skirts basically be the same style and length, but I just want my bridesmaids to wear dresses and stand up there with me!'

Which... leads me to why I'm feeling so... glum.
Wednesday night after church, Lindy asked Trissy and me to be two of her bridesmaids.
Which is a huge honor! But... I don't want to be a bridesmaid! *Big sigh*
I've been so happy how I've been able to 'dodge that bullet' so far. I wasn't in Oliver and his wife's, Justice and Noel's, or Austin and Ava's weddings, but got to be at all of them (two of which were quite a distance away). I was in Aron and Henley's wedding, playing the piano. I was in Nicole and her husband's wedding, playing the piano. I've been at many of my cousin's weddings, but only part of two - once as a photographer and once as a server. All those were fine, all those were great, and even fun! Every time, I've been so happy that no one ever asked me to be a bridesmaid!

Y'all are probably thinking I'm a complete idiot right about now. Yeah, I'm kind of feeling like it too. Sorry. I know I probably sound absolutely ridiculous and silly. I know it's considered a great honor to be asked to be in a wedding. I just. don't. want. to be. a bridesmaid.

I've never been a fancy, frilly, pearls-and-lace kind of person. I have a very down-to-earth, simple, take-me-or-leave-me, slightly vintage, old-fashioned, style. I don't spend much time on my hair. I have about three styles and that's it - pony tail, braid, or messy bun, with a sort of twist thing I do with my bangs to get them off my forehead when it's hot. I don't have pierced ears, I have only two necklaces I sometimes wear, simply as a tribute to the sweet young girl who gave them to me, and I have two rings I wear (a silver purity ring and my graduation ring). I don't like jewelry and pretty much don't wear it. I don't wear make-up at all. Never have, never plan to. I don't paint my fingernails or toenails, or go to have them done by somebody else either! I don't wear high-heeled shoes, and I don't look forward to dress-up occasions.
So, if you didn't know me, now you have a little bit of an idea of my personal style. Or, what's not my personal style.

And maybe you still think I'm over-reacting about this whole bridesmaid thing. But that's just the way it is. I think about it and I groan. Just things like, getting my hair done (What kind of style will be expected? Will it have to be something all fancy? Will it require hairspray? Ugh.), will I be expected to get my nails done (I cringe to think about my fingernails painted, and I know I don't want anyone touching my feet!)? Maybe I can wear closed shoes so at least my toenails won't be a problem... Have I got to wear heels? Or jewelry? Fear of fears, will they want me to wear make-up? I wouldn't have the first clue about putting it on! But if I use that excuse, will someone say, "Oh, I can do it for you!" Ew, no thanks.
Sweet Lindy's gone to great lengths to be considerate in the area of the dresses. To cut down significantly on the cost, she picked out a satin fabric and bought patterns so we can make them instead of buying them. Her mom can sew, and Mom can too. She's made sure the dress patterns can be 'tweaked' to fit with our convictions of modesty.

I'm not really concerned about the dress I'll have to wear. I think it's just going to end up being a simple, kind of classy, satin affair. It's other little things, like, 'If I'm on the stage, I can't be taking pictures!' Or, 'I don't want to have to be so dolled up that I wouldn't recognize myself if I looked in the mirror, or worse, that no one else would recognize me either!'
Worst of all, my biggest groan, my greatest dread, is, 'Who will they pair me up with as far as groomsmen?' That's the one that really bothers me. If you know me at all, you know I'm not interested in guys. Not like that. What if they pair me up with some single friend of Toby's that I've never even heard of? Or even one of our single college friends? That wouldn't be as bad, but it sure would be awkward! Maybe Austin will be in it and they'll put me with him - one of my 'brothers' and best, already claimed!

Even as I type, I'm realizing how silly this all sounds. Even sillier than when I was saying it in my head. The thing is though, that it's all very real. I'm just being honest. That's the problem with silly worries. They're still real concerns. It's not so easy to just argue them away by saying, "You worry too much! It'll all work out!" or, "Oh, you're just over-thinking this whole thing! It's not going to be that bad when it gets here." or the worst one, "It'll all be over in just a few hours and then you can forget all about it." Uh, no-o! There will be pictures! I'll never forget it! Neither will anyone else!

Goodness. I do know one thing is true - I am worrying too much. Whatever happens, I should not be stressing out so much over it. That won't change anything except raise my blood-pressure.
It might end up being my worst nightmare. Or, sweet Lindy knowing me as well as she does, she might have realized I'd be thinking about all this and it might end up being an absolutely wonderful, comfortable, enjoyable experience!

Precious Lindy - one of Trissy's and my best friends! And dearest Toby! I could not hurt them by turning this honor down. Yet how I wish I could beg Lindy to let me pass out programs or something instead :\ !

Well, guess that's all I know for now. Stay tuned for further developments.