The Grandmother is getting worse. Much worse. Both uncles are here (Uncle Alvin and Uncle David), Mom, and Mom's two sisters are supposed to get in sometime today. That will be all The Grandmother's living children (and several of the grandchildren and great grandchildren as well) here with her. She thinks she will not be here much longer. And though, as believers in Christ, we do not fear death itself, yet the thought of the possible years of separation before we join her again is grippingly painful, at best.
The Grandparents have been part of my life as far back as I can remember. Dad's parents were both gone before he and Mom even married, but I have been so blessed to know my Mom's parents for over a quarter of a century.
She has been asking us to play the piano alot the last few days. Music and hymns have always been part of our lives. But she has been asking us repeatedly to play for her lately.
A couple of evenings ago, Trissy was playing the piano, hymns like "Nearer My God To Thee", "What A Friend We Have In Jesus", and, though those are wonderful comforting hymns, in the present context, they sounded very much like funeral songs. I am afraid I snapped a little at her, coming through the room and whispering, "For crying out loud, Trissy! Play something cheerful!" I feel strained and sad, but that was no excuse. I'm sorry Trissy.
Last night, with about thirty family members and friends here, we stood around the piano singing for The Grandmother. "Abide With Me", "Am I A Soldier Of The Cross?" (The Grandmother's favorite song), "The Haven Of Rest", etc. I finally had to stop, and just mouth the words. I didn't know how Trissy, who was playing the piano and leading the soprano section, and Uncle David, with his strong bass voice but tender heart, kept going. I truly don't know how they did it. They were still singing strong long after I'd had to slip from the room.
Later, as I lay awake in the recliner, surrounded by cousins and my sister bedded down in The Grandparents' den, I found myself asking the Lord, "When You send the angel for her, would You please tell him to take me too?"
Immediately I felt how selfish that was, but I'm just so tired, and I don't know how we're going to get through this new life without her. The poor Grandfather. They've been married for over 65 years.
On the way back from church Sunday night, I sighed and Trissy asked what was the matter. I said, "I started to say, 'I'm just ready for life to get back to normal.' But, I guess it probably never will be what I'm thinking of as 'normal' again."
His Grace is sufficient. Oh Lord, help us face the days ahead!
{June 27 Note: There has been a constant flow of extended family and friends coming and going here at The Grandparents', bringing food, prayers, kindness, and much-needed laughter, in true old good-hearted Southern fashion.
There are only four more of the grandkids lacking to be here, of the ones who are going to be able to come. They are all supposed to arrive today. I think she is hanging on just for them.
I keep finding myself having a good time. Enjoying the merry chaos and the dear faces of those who live far off and who we rarely get to see. Enjoying the funny moments, the crowded kitchen as we work together to feed this army. The antics of the little kids and the memories and stories of the adults. And then I am harshly reminded of why they are all here, and the tears threaten.
But then, I am reminded again - there will be time enough later for tears. Right now, it is not wrong to be happy. After all, this is a celebration - for The Grandmother. She will soon be going Home. It's us we are sad for.
And so I push the thought of future sadness away for a little longer. I put off the thought that we will soon be saying a Temporary Good-bye, and instead enjoy these precious moments and memories that we share now.}
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