Broken Trust, And Love's Responsibility

So it's Valentine's right? And Valentine's is about love, right?
In the process of cleaning/straightening the house this afternoon, I set about changing the 'art' on our chalkboard in the kitchen/dining area (it still said "Happy New Year!") to something appropriate for the week before Valentine's Day. I'm not great with chalkboard art, so decided on something simple: "Love one another" from John 13:34 and 35.

I got the design started, but inspiration was lagging and it was time to go out and feed the animals anyway, so I took a break to go do that.

Now, bear with me while I try to get to where I'm going with this.

I am not naturally a trusting person. I don't trust people easily. I love them, very much. But I don't trust them, very much. And add to that the facts that some people in my life who are naturally supposed to be able to be trusted have broken my trust, and that a couple of times I've thought I'd found someone who really was trust-worthy, but who ended up 'letting me down' or proving themselves non-trustworthy...
Yeah, I don't trust easily.

So, I went out to feed the animals. It is cold and rainy - not a very pleasant evening, weather-wise - and I have a pestering headache. All-in-all, I was feeling a little 'down' anyway. And then, as I walked the path to our chicken coop, suddenly I was (ironically) slapped in the face by yet another broken promise.
And though in the broad scheme of life and the stretching years that make it up, this thing is rather insignificant, yet I was almost overcome by re-broken trust, betrayal, and an overwhelming sense of loss.

I stumbled on in a daze of disbelief, automatically feeding the chickens, gathering eggs, replacing the feed bucket, shutting up the shed, and plodding back to the house through the cold drizzle, all the while mentally (and actually audibly as well - Dad, Mom, and Trissy were gone for a little while and I was alone) berrating the promise-maker/promise-breaker. Not vengefully, yet not altogether forgiving, either. I contemplated what their reaction might be if they were suddenly bereft of years of labor - if suddenly something was blown out in a moment that had taken over a decade to accomplish - especially if it was destroyed by one who had promised to protect it.

The senses of loss and betrayal were so overwhelming that I actually gave in to the sobs that ached to be released. I was by myself, there was no one to hear, so I didn't have to put on a 'brave face' and pretend I'm not as weak as I am; though I'm telling all of you this, so I guess a brave face isn't so important after all. I don't know. All I know is that I was completely dumbfounded and broken - betrayed (again) by someone who should have been trustworthy.
And they wonder why I don't trust them.

Angry and crying (I'm sure my picture must have looked very childish and undignified), I cleaned my shoes, hung up my jacket in the mudroom, and trudged into the house through the back door. There on the wall, half-finished, was my chalkboard art:

"Love one another."

Immediately, another verse blew gently across the troubled frown in my mind:

'Love covers a multitude of sins.' (1 Peter 4:8)

I burst into fresh tears at the gentle correction of the Lord.
Yes, I had been wronged. Yes, someone had sinned against me. Yes, I must (and do) love them anyway. And yes, because of Love, my responsibility is to cover/hide/forgive and - as much as is in my human power - dismiss from my memory the unkindness they had shown, the promise they had broken, the trust they had once again betrayed.

There may never be a human I will or can fully trust, but I am becoming more and more okay with that. Because the more un-trustworthy mankind proves itself to me, the stronger and more trustworthy I find my Christ!

A [Modern] Psalm Of Rejoicing

"My heart is gladdened unto singing, my soul rejoices in God my Salvation.

For He has visited me with joy, with riches, and with peace.

He has turned the enemy and sent him away empty.

I have been given the heart of the youth as my spoil, the soul of a young man as my prize.

My tears have been replaced with the dew of summer, and my cries with happy songs.

How shall I tell all the mighty works of my LORD? The heroic victories of my Champion?

How shall I number or describe them?

They are more numerous than the particles that make up existence - more beauteous than life."

The Voice Of Truth

"Oh what I would do to have
the kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant!
With just a sling and a stone.
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor, 

wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

... the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground.
And the waves they don't seem so high,
from on top of them looking down.
I'll soar with the wings of eagles,
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me.

And the Voice of Truth tells me a different story.

The Voice of Truth says, 'Do not be afraid!'

The Voice of Truth says, 'This is for My glory.'

Out of all the voices calling out to me,

I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of Truth."

Random photos from the past two months.

Today I overheard bits of a conversation between Aron, Simon, and Joy's mom and another co-worker (she works as a cook at the restaurant) and how sad and discouraged she is about Simon. I saw Mrs. Renae briefly when she came to pick up her youngest daughter from the academy this afternoon. And I saw 'my brown-eyed boy' when he came to pick up his two younger brothers.

On the way back to the house after leaving town, I cried harder than I've cried since all that heartbreak last year. Simon and 'my brown-eyed boy' - how far away they've gone from the Lord and from those who love them! Dear God! Only You can get hold of them, get their attention, or bring them back now!

I've gotten in the habit of turning on the radio on my drives to and from town, and this song ("The Voice of Truth") came on the station. It was just the comfort and reminder I needed. He is in control! He has my boys! He has Mrs. Renae! And He is working it all out for His glory.

"Superbowl Party" 2014

So last year's 'Superbowl party' was one of my favorite memories of 2013. And I've got to say, though they were very different, this year's 'Superbowl party' is probably going to make the list of favorites from 2014.

After Sunday School yesterday morning, Bro. Nick came in briefly to let the class know that they were going to be having a Superbowl party again this year, after church in the evening. I had wondered, with the youth group having shrunk so, if they were going to do one or not. I was glad to hear it. Last year, basically no one watched the game - everyone spent their time playing games and enjoying being together!

Jaylyn and Jewel are visiting us for a few days, and went to church with us last night. So after church, we went over to the gym and pulled out roller skates and the rip-stick out of the big wooden footlocker, expecting the youth classes to be finishing up soon, and everyone to be coming down to the gym like we did last year.

After the four of us had been 'rolling' around the gym for about 35 minutes and no one had appeared, it suddenly dawned on me that they were probably using the youth room and/or the 'new' game room for the party (there was an unused classroom adjoining the youth room, that Bro. Nick and Lydia have turned into a sort of 'game room' for the young people)! But we were having a great time just the four of us, and realized the party was probably over by this time anyway - and it's always awkward to walk in on the tail end of an event - so we just stayed where we were, deciding to just keep roller skating, and see how the evening unfolded.

In a little while, Julia's mom came down with a practically-empty crock pot of cheese dip, heading to the kitchen to clean it out. When she found us in the gym, dear encouraging soul that she is, she urged us to go on up anyway, get something to eat, and join in the game of Taboo they were into up there. I followed her to the kitchen to help clean the pot, and we got to chat a little while. She told me how Julia's university experience is proving to be pretty difficult, and about a mission trip quilt she and her husband had had made for Julia out of her old mission trip t-shirts. Jaylyn came in, and stood and listened, then Trissy came in and joined the conversation, then Jewel, so we all ended up standing (then sitting) in the kitchen for probably another 30 minutes just visiting with Julia's mom! But she is so sweet and big-hearted - it was nice to get to chat with her for a while!

Eventually we made our way upstairs. Julia's dad was the only one watching the game on a TV in the youth room - the others were all gathered in a rough circle in the game room, involved in an enthusiastic game of Taboo. Except for Joy and Nicole's younger brother, who were playing a football video game in the other half of the room.

Bro. Nick, Law, another girl of the youth group who's graduated but good friends with Abigail, Abigail, a visiting girl, and Piper, made up the two teams (Lydia had had to leave a little earlier to go put their two little girls to bed).

It worked really well as an ice-breaker game. We 'jumped' right in, including Jaylyn and Jewel, and the group got to meet them and they got to meet the group without any of those awkward introductions and now-what-do-I-say-to-be-polite-and-keep-the-conversation-going-? moments. A little later on, Nicole and her husband came to pick up her younger brother to take him home, and ended up staying and playing for a little while! I think everyone had a really great evening - after the four of us got there, we all kept playing until we got through the blue sides of the entire box of cards. We'd mixed up the teams and started on the pink side, when Piper suddenly looked up and asked Bro. Nick half-jokingly, half-seriously how late we could stay before he kicked us out. He chuckled and replied we'd probably have to close down right after 9:30, since it was a school night. Right about that time, Mom called Trissy's cell phone to see where we were - we usually leave the Sunday night college suppers at 9:00, and it was 9:30! We'd completely lost track of time!

Trissy and I spent the night at The Grandparents' (where Jaylyn and Jewel are staying), quietly slipping in the house, getting a snack, making out our beds, and crawling in for the night. Jaylyn and Trissy went to sleep after talking together until probably about 11:00. Jewel and I talked until past 2:00. Yeah, I know, there goes my great sleeping habits. But we had some great discussions, and it was really nice. Now at 8:00 the next morning, after less than five hours of sleep, I'm not sure how well I'll function the rest of the day... :) . But it will be okay - I work a shorter shift at the restaurant today, and then plan to go over to VRCA to help the secretary with paperwork for an hour (registration starts today and she's getting over surgery - there's lots of paperwork, but I always have so much fun helping her!), and the rest of the afternoon can be spent enjoying my cousins and family!

The whole evening I just kept thinking, "Praise God! He is SO good!"

Snow Day

At my house, Wednesday seemed like a regular holiday! Dad and I were both off work, and (this was the only sad part of the situation) church was canceled as well. So, we all spent the day reading, crafting, working on projects that it seemed we never had time to do otherwise, and just enjoying being together!

The temperature was in the teens this week, and when I went out in the mornings to feed the chickens, I carried our kettle full of boiling water to pour into their frozen water dishes. My heavy rubber work boots crunched on the grass, and I could sense the hot water cooling in my kettle as I crossed the yard from the house to the chicken pen!

I snuck out into the yard later Wednesday afternoon to get some pictures. The sky had become overcast, our dirt driveway and the dirt road running in front of our house were frozen slick, and their were actually icicles hanging from our roof and from the noses of our cars! It was beautiful, but so much colder than any southern winter I could remember, and I scurried back inside to my crafting pretty soon!

Yes, I know, for some of my readers from places where snow is a common occurrence, a dusting such as pictured in the images above is nothing to notice, much less get excited about! But combine the fact that this snow was mixed with icy sleet (making the roads treacherous) with the fact that snow of any kind coming to our part of the southern United States is extremely rare, and you have a couple of days of excitement for a small town! School was out for three days this week, many places of business were closed for at least one, and most of the residents of this area enjoyed a couple of unexpected days curled up in front of fireplaces or engaging in relaxing indoor activities of other kinds. Unless of course they were families with active children; in that case, there was time spent out in the snow!