"5 Small Things Friday" No. 100

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: 'Big Sis Kiss'

2. Hearing:

3. Smell: Chicken Feed

4. Taste: Meatballs And Rice

5. Touch:

The stories behind the list:

1. Tuesday I got to the academy about ten minutes early, as is my habit, and sat in one of the chairs in the foyer by the secretary's office/corner to watch all the activity as school got out and one by one the students were called and helped into 'their' car of the waiting line outside the front door.
Two little girls who usually ride together, the older about 9 and the younger about 5, were called and came from their respective classrooms to the front door, the bigger girl speaking softly to the smaller one, her hand on the little one's shoulder. I'm not sure what the relationship is between them, whether they are cousins, neighbors, or family friends, but they seem very close, and the older one 'mothers' the younger one with a very attentive, mature, and responsible manner. This day they evidently were riding separately, and as the little one's ride pulled up, the older one leaned down and quickly kissed the younger girl's forehead before releasing her to the lady waiting at the door to put her into the car.
I think I was the only one who saw - one little instant in the scene of bustling activity. But it warmed my heart - the big girl's responsible maturity, posessive kindness, and tender expression of care, and the little one's trust and confidence in her young protector.

2.

3. I'd gone out to feed the animals, and was out in the shed at the barrel with the chickens' feed in it. I opened the barrel, picked up the bucket, and scooped up a scoop-full of feed to fill it with. The wholesome country smell blew up to me and I breathed it in - a little dust, a little grain, a little out-doors - that small-town farm-supply store smell.

4.

5. Mom made 'Swedish Meatballs' and Brazilian-style rice this week - one of my favorite meals. The white gravy soaking that delicious palm-sized meatball and washing over the rice and onions... add some green beans or corn or carrots and, whew boy! you've got yourself a meal fit for a king!

Hugs From My Father

Sunday - In Sunday School this past week, Bro. S. introduced a subject he said we're going to be looking at for the next several weeks. The past two weeks he's taught on 'honoring your parents', and it has been so good. It wasn't one of those hard, knock-you-over-the-head lessons from a parent to a bunch of children. It was delivered in such a loving and friendly way, simply like a caring, more experienced adult giving advice to some young people with less experience. Very well done, and I enjoyed and appreciated it so much - not to mention the 'food for thought' that it's given me!
This past Sunday, we started looking at the relationship between God and people. More specifically, the relationship between God and believers in Christ. And more specifically than that, the tremendous, unbelievable, undeserved, unfathomable love that God the Father has toward His children.

Then, every day this week, it seems that something has happened in relation to that subject...

Monday - I was driving back to the house after work and, as I often do, I flipped on the Christian radio station. In the time it took me to get back to the house, four songs played. And they and their order were significant.

The song playing when I turned the radio on was called "Praise You In The Storm". I just sat and listened and let it soak into me - I usually sing with the radio if I know the song, but I was so tired. Not so much physically, but emotionally. My heart has sung this song to the Lord several times over the years, always in times of acute pain. Now as I listened, I thought of Mrs. Renae and her family, and my so-far-unfailing hope that restoration will happen quickened again, and my heart wept.

"I was sure by now
God, You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away -
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say 'Amen',
and it's still raining.

And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
'I'm with you'.
And as Your mercy falls,
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives,
and takes away.

I'll praise You in this storm,
and I will lift my hands,
for You are who You are
no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hand.
You've never left my side.
And though my heart is torn,
I'll praise You in this storm.

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind;
You heard my crying,
and raised me up again.
My strength is almost gone.
How can I carry on
if I can't find You?

But as the thunder rolls,
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
'I'm with you'.
And as Your mercy falls,
I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives,
and takes away.

And I'll praise You in this storm,
and I will lift my hands,
for You are who You are
no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hand.
You never left my side.
And though my heart is torn,
I'll praise You in this storm.

I lift my eyes unto the hills;
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord -
the Maker of Heaven and Earth.
The Maker of Heaven and Earth!

And I'll praise You in this storm,
and I will lift my hands,
for You are who You are
no matter where I am.
And every tear I've cried,
You hold in Your hand.
You never left my side.
And though my heart is torn,
I will praise You in this storm!"

"Praise You In The Storm" was followed by a song called "Every Good Thing". It was a bouncy song, yet the words spoke to me like a gentle rebuke; an admonishing to take time to think of what the Lord has given - all the beautiful treasures He's scattered around me - not just mourn the ones He's taken. To not let the ones that aren't in my posession at the moment swell so they block out the view of the many ones that are.

"I tend to be busier than I should be.
And I tend to think that time is going to wait for me.
Sometimes I forget, and take for granted
that it's a beautiful life we live.
I don't want to miss the moments like this -
this is a beautiful life You give!

You're the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat,
every day we get to breathe.
You're the reason for anything that lasts, every second chance,
every laugh. Life is so sweet!
You're the reason for every good thing.

There will be days that give me more than I can take,
but I know that You always make beauty from my heartache.
I don't want to forget or take for granted
that it's a beautiful life we live.
I'm not going to miss the moments like this -
this is a beautiful life You give!

You're the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat,
every day we get to breathe.
You're the reason for anything that lasts, every second chance,
every laugh. Life is so sweet!
You're the reason for every good thing.

It's our family, it's our friends,
it's the feeling that I get when I see my children smile.
You're the reason for this life, everything we love;
it's You alive in us.
You're alive in us.

You're the reason for every good thing, every heartbeat,
every day we get to breathe.
You're the reason for anything that lasts, every second chance,
every laugh. Life is so sweet!
You're the reason for every good thing.

You are here in every moment,
And I know that You're the reason for
every good thing."

Next was a lilting, 'fluffy' song, the kind where the words don't really matter all that much, it's just light and happy and maybe silly or even down right ridiculous, but it leaves you with a smile and a light heart. "One Drop" is the name of this one, and it has been used as the promotional song for an organization that digs water wells in Africa, I believe.

"I need you and
you need me.
Left alone
we will never be who we could be.

So take my hand and
don't forget that
we can do anything together.

Just one drop of your love,
a single ray of sun,
just one thing to change the world.
It's just you
and me.
Starting with a dream,
and giving it all we've got,
only takes one drop.

Come with me now.
Look and see how
there's an ocean overflowing with our hopes.
So let's jump in and take a swim -
it's you and me forever.

Just one drop of your love,
a single ray of sun,
just one thing to change the world.
It's just you
and me.
Starting with a dream,
and giving it all we've got,
only takes one drop.

I need you and you need me -
we can do anything together."

The next and last song was "Remind Me Who I Am". Just before I turned on the radio, I had been thinking of that song and - though I know - I asked the Lord that He would just remind me who I am: one of His, one He loves.

"When I lose my way and I forget my name,
remind me who I am.
In the mirror all I see is who I don't want to be.
Remind me who I am.

In the loneliest places
when I can't remember what grace is.

Tell me, once again,
who I am to You.
Tell me, lest I forget
who I am to You, that I belong to You.

When my heart is like a stone, and I'm running far from home,
remind me who I am.
When I can't receive Your love, afraid I'll never be enough,
remind me who I am.

If I'm Your beloved,
can You help me believe it?

Tell me, once again,
who I am to You.
Tell me, lest I forget
who I am to You, that I belong to You.

I'm the one You love.
I'm the one You love.
That will be enough!
I'm the one You love!

Tell me, once again,
who I am to You.
Tell me, lest I forget
who I am to You, that I belong to You.
To You."

With the first song, the Lord got my attention. With the second, He gently rebuked me. With the third, He made me smile. With the last, He signed the message.
And I sat in my car in my yard for a few minutes before getting out, feeling hugged and truly loved.

Tuesday - Tuesday began as kindof a rough day - little things adding up to make for a stressful morning. But then I got to work with Autumn at the restaurant, which is always refreshing. I love it when we're scheduled to work together. Once during the morning, when we weren't very busy, I just stopped and stood and looked out one of the big side windows at the blue sky and white summer clouds and the slow small-town traffic, and breathed in with contentment. And it felt like the Lord touched me deep inside. You know how when you touch your finger in the center of a small puddle of water, it makes happy ripples float out from the touch, gently covering the entire surface with movement? That's how it felt.
Then music practice later that afternoon was really nice. Nothing extreme, just comfortable, smooth, really relaxed and easy. And after practice, during a parking-lot visit with one of the others, I was paid one of the highest (and most convicting) compliments I've ever received. The whole way back to the house, I was keenly aware of the working of the Lord in this situation - His gentle power that answers prayers and changes hearts and hears and responds to the tortured cries of the broken-hearted and wraps them softly in joy.

Wednesday - It was Joy's birthday and I canceled piano lessons with Piper and took Joy, Piper, and Abigail for ice cream at McDonald's before church. Piper got an ice cream cone, Abigail got a chocolate-dipped ice cream cone, and Joy and I got the blueberry/pomegranate smoothies McD's has been having this summer. We sat at a little booth table beside a big window looking out on the fenced-in play area with it's towering play set, and visited and made silly jokes at each other. We laughed when Abigail's chocolate shell on her ice cream began melting and left smudges on her nose as she'd try to lick the ice cream inside, the girls made fun of me for taking so long to sip my [freezing cold] smoothie, we discussed Joy's new nail art and Piper's new oxfords and dainty bow necklace, we made observations about the people driving by outside leaving the drive-thru, and Joy, Piper and I watched Abigail when she went outside to try to climb to the top of the play set, even though she is really too old for that.
The place was pretty much empty; there was only one other man at a table across the room and we must have given him an amusing time with our banter. We weren't rudely loud, but we were obviously enjoying being together. I looked at the pretty laughing faces of my three young friends and felt a great privilege and responsibility. It was as if the Lord reminded my heart that He had given them to me, as friends, and also as young hearts to influence.

Thursday - Thursday afternoon, about fifteen minutes before I was supposed to get off, a big white truck pulled in. It looked familiar, and any time a familiar vehicle pulls in, I automatically freeze and stare until I can figure out if it is someone I know, or only a look-alike.
But it wasn't a look-alike this time. The truck stopped at the speaker and when my co-worker answered, the voice said, 'I'm here to pick up a call-in for Dennis.'
Bro. Dennis. Here. We were pretty busy and I scurried to finish serving the people who were waiting, hoping I could finish in time to be the one to take him his food. But I was a little scared too. What would I say to him? Would it be awkward? Would he be coldly polite, take his food, and leave? Would I be able to somehow convey the truth that we missed him so much at church?
The timing wasn't perfect, but it somehow worked out that the other girl was busy or something, so I did get to wait on him.
When I came to the window, I was caught just a little off guard, because when he saw me, he greeted me just like he would have in the old days! - with that big grin and a "Hey!" - like he knew I worked there, but had forgotten, and was surprised to see me, but as friendly and as like the old Bro. Dennis as ever! I responded similarly as he handed me his money. After putting it in the register, I went and got his drink, then hurried back to the window with it, leaving the other girl to go to the kitchen for the food. I was focused and wasn't even thinking of how inconsiderate I probably seemed to her. I hope she didn't think me rude. Back at the window, I handed Bro. Dennis his drink, mentioning that I'd never seen him there before, but that maybe he had come at times I wasn't working. He said he actually prefers this restaurant's food to the other 'fast-food' places in town, he just forgets to call it in usually, and doesn't have enough time to sit and wait for it to be fixed. After a few more moments of unimportant (but so special, simply for it's ordinary-ness) conversation, he said good-bye and drove away, and I closed the window and wanted to burst into both laughter and sobs at the same time. But then I got the same feeling I get when some friend is watching me, and I turn to look and see who it is. Only this time, I knew Who it was, and I felt like He was smiling at me - compassionate of my flustered insignificance, but lovingly and powerfully active in His part of the situation.

Thursday was also the first day of school at the academy. I cannot describe the pleasure it gave me that afternoon when I got there to work the after-school program, to sit in the foyer again and watch the students coming through to go to their waiting rides. The familiar faces back again from last year, the new faces and names to learn, teachers and students calling good-byes to each other, the busy bustling, little people dragging their huge bookbags down the hall, the festive spirit of the end of the first day of school.

Also Thursday evening, Dad's brother and his family (who pastor's a church and live about an hour north of us) came to visit and we decided to go out to eat. We don't eat out much, so we cruised through town, considering the options. One place we tried was closed, but the Japanese restaurant was right next door. As we pulled through the big parking-lot the two places share (in my uncle's big out-of-town church van), I spotted a gold Ford Explorer leaving the Japanese place. Trissy saw it too, and we exclaimed, 'There's Law!' and somehow then we were all waving and calling, and Law waved back in a casual, friendly way (though he obviously didn't recognize the van), then just for good measure, our uncle (who is loves a good joke) beeped the horn as the two vehicles passed each other, and Law turned to look back with a mixture of curiosity and amusement on his face. Something about the whole episode was just so comical that we kept laughing for a good few minutes afterwards!

Friday - Friday was a long day. It was tiring and had been pretty difficult in spots.
That night, I went up with Mom to help her help The Grandparents get in bed and settled for the night. The Grandmother had made a new apron that morning and ;wanted me to see it, telling me it was on the back of the couch in the den (her little sewing room is right off the den). So when they were in bed and Mom was just doing a couple more things, I went on down through the den, to go out the garage and go ahead and get in the car and wait for her. I stopped of course to look at the new apron. The Grandmother loves to make aprons, and I'd seen just about every variation on every pattern she could come up with over the years so, I must admit, I unfolded it more out of duty than out of genuine interest (in my defense though, I was so tired that nothing much was likely to spark my interest other than my comfortable bed with the covers pulled back). But when I unfolded and spread it out, I exclaimed in genuine admiration! It was a full-length apron, double sided and top-stitched. There was a pocket on each side and trim that matched the pretty fabric (a deep bright blue with white daisies on it). I was so proud for her that I spoke aloud, even though the room was empty, "Wow! I'm impressed! I am really impressed!"
After admiring her work a few moments more, I went on outside and through the lighted garage. And stopped in the big garage-door opening, struck almost physically by the sight. Spread in the sky before me was an amazing panorama. One of the pecan trees in the pasture was an ink-black delicate filigree against the glorious sky. The sky was a backdrop of crystal glitter and soft blue-green swirls on an expanse of dusky navy blue. It was unbelievable! I think I've only seen anything that stunning in images of the northern lights. I'd automatically lifted my eyes when the garage light was behind me and the dusky darkness of the evening was ahead of me, and being hit with that amazing view was like walking through a silent hallway, opening a door, and Handel's "Messiah" bursting out from hundreds of voices inside an expansive auditorium. Few times in my life have I ever wanted a good camera so bad as at that moment.
And when the words I'd just uttered a few seconds before went through my head again in this instance, I was so overwhelmed that I began to weep, because the very sky seemed to boom, "I LOVE YOU."

Saturday - At some point during the day, I came across this verse: Malachi 3:10. I do not remember the context of when or where I saw it, but it speaks for itself:

"Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it."

Sunday - Sunday night then in our 'small-group' meeting, when it came time for prayer requests or praise reports afterwards, I mentioned how it had been a difficult week in some ways, but also how it seemed like the Lord had sent me a special something each day to just remind me that He was in control and cared about me and loved me. How, as the week progressed, I began waking up in the morning with a feeling of anticipation, thinking, 'I wonder what it will be today!'

Note: I did not get to write this post immediately, while the events were still fresh on my mind. I jotted down notes about the first days and so was able to compose them, but all I have for Saturday is "Malachi 3:10", and no notes for Sunday. But each day of this week, there was some special 'something' that happened to me that felt like a 'hug' from my heavenly Father. As the week went on, I would wake up in the morning eagerly wondering, "What's it going to be today?"
I hate it that I didn't get to record those things with all the details, but I'm thankful for what there is, and the principle is preserved. What a special week it was!

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 99

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: 'Praying' Hands Shadow

2. Hearing: "You look cute." / Conversation With Bro. Dennis

3. Smell:

4. Taste: Blueberry/Pomegranate Smoothie

5. Touch:

The stories behind the list:

1. Wednesday night as Bro. Nick was teaching, a shadow on the door caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. The door is to the left at the front of the room, and when I turned to look, I saw it was a shadow of what looked like hands folded to pray cast on the door.  Bro. Nick, in his earnestness to make some point, had pressed his hands together, pointing them toward his young audience, and their shadow was cast on the youth room door by the lights on the opposite wall. The symbolism made it an image of striking significance. I caught my breath. Oh that the Lord would indeed make this room and this youth group a place characterized by prayer, so that any who go through that door would feel it's power!

2. Sunday I tried something a little different (for me), style-wise. I found belts at Dirt Cheap for a dollar this past week, and (besides getting two narrow brown ones that I've been wanting for months) I decided to be adventurous and get a sortof indigo/perriwinkle blue one too. I usually stick to simple and neutral when it comes to accessories (shoes, belts), so getting a blue belt was a little different for me. But for a dollar, I figured if I ended up never wearing it, I could give it away!
So Saturday I was getting in my closet to decide what I'd wear the next day to church (I don't like having to do that Sunday morning with all the other church preparations going on; I'd rather have at least my clothes ready the night before) and I stumbled upon a light-periwinkle blue cotton print skirt I'd made several years before. I hadn't worn it much recently because the white blouse I'd always worn with it was needing mending (and is actually still hanging up in the sewing-room closet, waiting). But that skirt made me think of the belt. And then I remembered an off-white cardigan I'd gotten really cheap somewhere a few months ago, thinking it'd work with another outfit. It hadn't, but I like cardigans, so I'd kept it. I had an off-white sleeveless top I'd made to go under something else a year-or-so ago too. And beige patent flat shoes I'd bought for Toby and Lindy's wedding. All these pieces began popping into my head when I saw that skirt, and I wondered if the outfit would 'work'. But it was supposed to be hot, and I didn't want to suffer in a sweater, so I picked out something cooler.
Then Sunday morning came, drizzly and a little chilly, and at the last minute I pulled those pieces out of the closet, hastily ironed the skirt and cardigan (it had been smashed between some other things in my closet), and dressed in that outfit. The belt was too long, so I poked another hole in it with Mom's ice pick on my way out the door. I wasn't sure if the 'look' was that great on me after all, but there was no time to evaluate, so off I went.
Later after church, Autumn came up behind me on her way out and picked a couple of loose dark hairs off the back of my light-colored sweater (oh yeah, by the way, I really went out on a limb and wore my hair down - I never do that!), saying, "You've got hair all over you!"
'Oh, thanks!' I said gratefully, turning around, 'Just another reason I never wear my hair down!'
"I feel your pain!" she smiled, dropping the last one. 'My hair does the same thing.' She started to walk on, but gave me a once-over. "You look cute!" she complemented.
"Thanks!" I tried not to seem shocked, but I was so surprised! Autumn doesn't just dish out complements, so I knew she must not be flattering me - she really meant it! It made me feel really good.
/
Thursday afternoon, Bro. Dennis came through the restaurant drive-thru, about fifteen minutes before I was supposed to get off. I was carried back over a year as we made small talk and I handed him his order. It was so natural, I could hardly believe it. Just as if he'd taught Sunday School class a couple of days before, as if there had never been those months of silence and strangeness, like he was who he used to be, the Bro. Dennis I knew... ages ago. He wasn't 'faking' or 'putting it on' just so I'd give him his food and let him go - he was simply, matter-of-factly, carrying on a conversation with me as if nothing strange had ever happened and he hadn't figuratively disappeared from my world, or spoken to me only twice in almost a year. It was a very simple conversation (i.e. 'Hey, I've never seen you here before' 'Yeah, I'd come more often, I just forget. I like the food here better than most places actually' - something like that, you get the idea) but it was so much like old times that my heart was gladdened and my hope was renewed that - one day - restoration will happen.

3.

4. Wednesday evening before church I took Joy, Piper, and Abigail to McDonald's for an ice cream treat. Joy and I got one of the McD's blueberry/pomegranate smoothies they've been promoting this summer. I'd been wanting one since I first saw them advertised right before the Chicago mission trip, and finally got to try it. It was not too sweet, just very blueberry-y and pomegranate-y! Very good!

5.

A Hodge-podge Collage

It's bedtime. The rest of the house is dark and quiet, but there is a lamp on beside me. I am ensconsed in Dad's big recliner in the living room for the night because I'm trying to organize my room and can't get to my bed at this point. I have a notebook and a pen...

My thoughts are like a hodge-podge collage tonight. Thoughts, colors, people, songs, scenes, events, past, present, future, all layered together and overlapping into a display that, really, is quite beautiful, in spite of the pain that's part of the piece.

Melissa's sadness * "Like An Avalanche" * Law's sweet prayer * Abigail's shirt striped with sequins * Julia saying good-bye * Autumn's joking rebuke that I can't figure out * the black hood of Austin's car * JV kids from last year back this year * seeing my 'brown-eyed boy' in Wal*Mart * "Christ In Me" * music practice last night * 'Multiply' with Joy * Law: "Was that a fat joke Austin?! You did! You just called Kyrie fat." Abigail: "Kyrie, he called you fat! Slap him!" Me: "No!" Austin's look of innocent bewildered confusion * my bedroom I'm wanting to clean out and organize * being behind on my '5 Small Things Friday' posts * wanting to write/journal * Uncle Alvin's family coming to visit * Law's soft shirt and lean hardness when he bumped against my arm * wanting to make things for the fair * hopes for our AWANAs at church * Bro. Nick's lesson tonight - 'Making Decisions for the Glory of God' * Lindy seeming pre-occupied * being hungry and tired * why didn't Archer come to Toby and Lindy's wedding? * not getting to tell Landon 'bye before he left for his year-long mission trip * Passion 2014? * letters to write * hugs from Piper * wearing my hair down * invite pain? reject pain? or forget pain? * "Learning To Be The Light" * VRCA school starting * needing to work on the academy website * What happened to Ashelyn and her husband? * Bro. Dennis and Mrs. Carrie * Bro. Dennis joking like old times at Toby and Lindy's rehearsal supper * ...

"5 Small Things Friday" No. 97

Go back and read this post for the story behind "Five Small Things Friday".

For this week, here is my list:

1. Sight: Firefly

2. Hearing:

3. Smell: Candles

4. Taste:

5. Touch: Hand Hug

The stories behind the list:

1. During a slow spell at the restaurant, I was leaning on the ledge that goes around the inside of the front service area, looking out the window. When I glanced down, on the outside ledge there was a firefly walking along. I hadn't seen a firefly in such a long time.

2.

3. We have a gas cooking stove, and when the tank gets about empty, you can start to smell gas in the house a little bit. It's not dangerous, but the smell is pretty annoying, and makes Mom feel sick. The tank is getting low again, and there's been a nagging gas smell in the kitchen the past few days. So we lit some candles to help burn the gas smell off, and produce a countering nice candle smell!
I absolutely love the smell of candles. Even if they don't have a scent, the smell of the match after it's blown out, or the burning wick of the candle itself, gives me such a wonderful comfortable feeling. It makes me think of Fall, chilly weather, craft projects or reading inside while it rains outside, pumpkin pie, leaves on the ground, Thanksgiving Day. And then later in the year, scarves and gloves and hats and comfy coats, hot chocolate, Christmas music, Christmas decorations and lights, the central heating turned on in the house, standing over the floor vents warming bare toes, curling up on the couch on chilly mornings with a fleece blanket to read my Bible, Winter, Christmas traditions, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, New Years. Memories, pictures, friends, family, warmth, love, laughter. All this from the smell of a candle being lit. Even in August.

4.

5. My S. ladies came by the restarant early Wednesday morning. Their big silver van was having some work done on it at the shop next door, and they saw my Tilly parked at the restaurant and stopped just to say hello to me! Before they left, Piper reached in through the window and showed me how to give a 'hand hug'.