"The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters..."

{Note: I scribbled these thoughts on a piece of scratch paper while watching the 9th and 10th grade class room while the teacher ran an errand. Of course, I didn't date it. I know it was somewhere well after school began, but before the Christmas break. So, September, October, or November of 2014 :) . }

"The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters..." Prov. 18:4

I wonder what Solomon had in mind exactly when he said this. Just taking it at face value, it strikes me as a thought I've had many many times.
When someone says something, what do they mean by it? Do they mean just what they said? How much simpler so many situations would be if this were always the case! And yet, where is the fun and adventure [in that]? "Deep waters..." Deep waters are a thing of mystery, a thing to be explored, a thing that holds magic and discovery. A 'something' that must be known personally in order to be understood. Deep water can not be taken at face value. There is always more there than just what is on the surface.
So it is - so many times - with "the words of a man's mouth", or with anyone's mouth, for that matter.
This is just such a great line - so descriptive, so literarily excellent. It's warm and comforting with deep wisdom. It's cool and refreshing with a sense of adventure. And it's also a strange combination of hope and wistful loneliness.

Too Tired To Dance

On Sunday mornings especially, when my are ears full and my head echoing with the soaring beauty of music and songs praising the greatness of God, or a sermon reminding of His mercy and kindness and matchless glory, I sit quiet and respectful on the pew while my heart nearly bursts with gladness, only longing to run away into the woods, find a tiny clearing, and dance with all my strength where only the sparrows, the crickets, and the Lord are watching.

Sometimes when the answer comes to a desperate prayer, when a lost soul comes home, or when a thunderstorm sweeps in with it's power of swirling wind and silver rain (to me for some reason God always feels physically closer in thunderstorms), my heart fills up and swells so big and tight inside me that nothing will relieve the pressure of praise but to dance - to pound (preferably barefoot) into the grass with my flying feet, rising on my toes, lifting my hands, ducking, twirling, flying out in joy and gratefulness and praise, while my clothes whip around me, the rain runs down my face, my soul breathes, and my mind sings, in a perfect voice, a song that only He and I can hear.

Then there are times when, no matter how grateful I am to Him, no matter how glad because of His presence, His beauty, His provision, or His kindness, I go outside and simply stand, looking at the sky. My heart is full, but it is quiet. I am physically empty.

My family lives with The Grandfather, who is handicapped and completely dependent on us. My spirit aches for him in his helplessness and grateful humility. My spirit weeps for my mom and dad who are The Grandfather's primary care-givers, and both worn thin. Even with the aide who comes in and helps occasionally, Mom is worn down under the constant grind and the lack of reprieve, but she is always patient and doesn't complain. Dad has his job, is trying to get a building project completed alone, and is having some mysterious health trouble, but is present to help and do the heaviest tasks as much as he can. My spirit goes out to Trissy who is weighed down with college classes and assignments, and trying to help alleviate mom's load as much as possible, but she keeps a constant cheerfulness and a servant's spirit.

My spirit weeps almost constantly. And sometimes my eyes too.

I am immersed in my full-time job at the academy. I love my job, but it can be physically and mentally demanding at times. I'm the secretary of course, but I'm also the school nurse, the school photographer, I sub/fill in in classrooms (sometimes with only a few minutes' notice), run a multitudinous variety of errands, our PA system is in the works so I'm the human message-carrier, I run the 'snack shop', am half the lunchroom staff, still do after-school, keep the principal's coffee cup full, etc. etc. I get back to the house tired, but there is plenty to do still to help try to alleviate the burdens of the folks at home.

My body (especially my feet, back, and head) hurts almost constantly. And sometimes my mind too.

Friday afternoon as school was getting ready to let out, a parent came in and kindly asked if I was hot - it was a very warm day and I was hurrying to get the last of my work done before ringing the bell and beginning to put kids in the cars in the pick-up line. I smiled and shook my head, 'No ma'am, I'm actually not that hot, just a little... warm, and tired.'
She nodded emphatically. 'Yes, I understand exactly. Worn - that is a great word for it.'
I realized she had misunderstood what I had said, but then I realized it was still the truth. I was worn.

Worn. Worn.

So. Between sadness, mental exhaustion, and physical emptiness, I often find myself lifting my face with tears threatening, and inwardly crying to the Lord, "Oh God! I have no strength!"

The next thought that comes to me is usually one of about three. Sometimes the verse, "He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much:..." (Luke 16:10) picks me up and helps me keep going - for oh how I want to be faithful!

Or, the thought that my 'load' is nothing compared to so many others'. Then the verse, "If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small." (Proverbs 24:10). And I feel ashamed of my weakness. But then I am comforted by, "...the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak...." (Matthew 26:41).

But when I am especially tired and spent (which, I must admit, is most often), after first crying to Him, I hear a little frowning voice quote, "If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small." and my soul cries out even more desperately, 'I know! My strength is small!' But then, so tenderly, "I hear the Savior say, 'Thy strength indeed is small. Child of weakness, watch and pray. Find in Me thine all in all."
I'm still tired. I'm still worn. My strength is still small. But I lean hard on Him, and the same One Whose face smiles at my dancing holds me while I weep.

He loves me the same when I'm soaring as when I'm too tired to dance.

Soli Deo Gloria! -Kyrie<>< - another 'Dear _____, Love, me' post

Dear Bro. Earl,

May God give you the energy you need and keep your courage up. I love hearing you teach. And it makes my day when you hang around in the morning after teaching your high schoolers' Bible class at the academy and discuss theology with me.


Dear Mrs. Shannen,

I know your load is heavy - may the Lord be your strength.


Dear Bro. Dennis,

You taught me so much. You were my mentor, my friend. I miss you. Please come back.


Dear Mrs. Carrie,

You're still beautiful. May the Lord truly give you the desires of your heart.


Dear Maxwell,

You are growing so fast. I've prayed for you twice as long as you've been alive, and I'm still praying for you. May God make something amazing of your life. 


Dear Austin,

I miss you and Ava so much. Your sunny friendship warms my memories. May God use you greatly where you are.


Dear Ava,

I miss you and Austin so much. What a wonderful heart shines through the wonderful smile you have. Thank you for keeping in touch with us at Victory Rd.! God bless your adventure!


Dear Aron,

I'm so proud of you for how you're striving to be a true man of God. Keep Him at the center of your precious family.


Dear Henley,

You are such a wonderful wife and mother. May the Lord bless your efforts to do what's right. Keep loving your husband, keep loving your boys. Keep experimenting!


Dear Simon,

There's still hope. Come home.


Dear Joy,

The devil wants you, but God is stronger! The little decisions you're making now are setting the stage for the rest of your life. Oh darling! The glittery pleasures that tempt teenagers are so fleeting - the glitter falls off, and years later if God grants you wisdom, you will look at them and wonder how in the world you allowed yourself to give your time and love to that naked junk. How my heart aches over you! God fight for you!


Dear Toby,

Bless your loving heart. Yes, you are human and you've made mistakes. No, I don't agree with you on everything. But I respect you so much. Let the Lord keep making you incredible.


Dear Lindy,

You are a true friend. Stay humble, but don't get too down on yourself. You're on the right track to making an excellent wife - stay Toby's best friend.


Dear Archer,

I think you've found your life's work. If that's the case, pour your whole self into it. But please be so careful - as you're cleaning, it's easy to get dirty yourself. Seek the Lord's advice in EVERYthing.


Dear Law,

Oh my precious, how can I write to you all that's in my heart? I continually praise our blessed Christ for the man He's making you into. God bless you, my dear young friend.


Dear Abigail,

Your happiness makes me happy. I can always count on you for a corny joke or a teasing jab or a tidbit of spiritual wisdom to boost my spirit. Keep singing.


Dear Piper,

I'm continually amazed at your store of patience and your depth of maturity. You still have so much to learn. God make you a great lady, my dearest girl! And don't give up your piano :) .


Dear Bro. S.,

Thank you for loving your wife and trying to raise your kids for the Lord. Thank you for your country simplicity and wisdom. Thank you for being so transparent and honest with your Sunday School class. Thank you for your friendship and for your perceptive encouragement.


Dear Mrs. S.,

Thank you for loving your husband and trying to raise your kids for the Lord. Your knack for putting people at ease and your heart of welcome are both a great example and a special gift; there is a reason everyone loves you - you love everyone.


Dear Trent,

You are growing up so well. Keep your contentment, yet yearn for more of God. Thank you for your down-to-earth country friendship. And for blessing others with your music.


Dear Peter,

I can't believe what a wonderful young man you're becoming. I mean, I can, but I've known you long enough to remember you as a little kid! You are so unconscious of your good looks, and that makes you even more handsome. Keep your sunny disposition - a joyful spirit is a blessing to the owner as well as to those around him.


Dear Trent and Peter's mom,

You are such a blessing to me. Thank you for your advice on photography, your smoothie recipes, your secretarial tips, your humility, and your sweet smile. Thank you for treating me as an equal, even though I'm so much younger.


Dear Lela,

Are you happy? True happiness comes from joy in Christ. Don't waste your life. Btw, I miss you. Remember Chicago?


Dear Mrs. Renae,

I'm so thankful the Lord has allowed us to stay in touch. He is stronger than anything fighting you!


Dear Nicole,

What can I say? There's only one Nicole. Am I still 'one of your best friends'? May the Lord grow you into the woman He wants you to be - don't resist the changes He wants to make.


Dear Russell,

You have the gift of a joyful spirit - what a blessing you are to so many! Use your talent for the glory of God - don't let the bright lights blind you.


Dear Lora, Lindsay, Dolan, and Randy,

I have no idea what happened to you. But I know the One who does. I trust that He is watching out for you. I loved you.


My Dear Brown-Eyed Boy,

Wherever you are, God keep you.


Dear Bro. Mike, Bro. Mike's wife, and Camille,

I'm so thankful for the amazing adventure the Lord is allowing you to live! Don't wait too long to come back for a visit though - it's been so long since that last hug.


Dear Bro. Nick and Lydia,

I'm praying for you.


My Dear Dr. Pepper Kids,

Oh how I hope and pray that you will give yourselves to the Lord! You aren't kids anymore, but a young man and two young women. If you start now with Christ while you're young, life will be better - trust me.


Dear Trissy,

I love you.


Dear others-I'd-wanted-to-include-a-note-to-in-this-post,

I am so sorry, but it's 11:00 P.M. and I've got to be at work right after 7:00 tomorrow morning - I've got to go to bed. But that doesn't change the fact that I love you and hope you will love the Lord. Maybe I can write later.

Most of the others I actually have written will never see their notes. But I needed to write them.


Soli Deo Gloria!

-Kyrie<><